Slightly Above Average Podcast

Every Chain Restaurant You Loved Is Dying

• John Malecki, Sam Poola, and Joe Meinert • Episode 12

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Every Chain Restaurant You Loved Is Dying
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In this episode, we’re diving into the nostalgia of the 90s to see if the new Big Arch burger can save McDonald’s or if our childhood favorites are officially gone forever alongside the dying era of iconic sit-down chain restaurants.

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Chain Restaurant Hot Takes

SPEAKER_00

So Olive Garden, this is what puts it up there for me, the never-ending pasta. Really?

SPEAKER_04

Do appreciate great Italian food. Went through an Applebee's recently. I was like Absolutely disgusting. Compared to Texas Roadhouse, I feel like Longhorn's like a small step of it.

SPEAKER_02

Sam, hit him with your conspiracy theory. It's not a conspiracy, it's a fact.

Big Arch Burger First Look

SPEAKER_00

So CEO McDonald's has been all over the internet, and so is literally every CEO, I feel like, for chain restaurants and fast food and whatever they can find because of the uproar of the big arch burger. So we're tasting one today, as well as diving into some of the nostalgic big chain restaurants that we loved as children and as adults and ripping through it on this episode of slightly above average. Welcome back if you've never been here. Welcome, period. My name's John. We've got Sam and Joe hanging out with you today. And straight off the bat, Pula's favorite restaurant on the planet. McDonald's coming in with some heat on the internet in this big arch burger. Sam, what the f is sitting in front of me right now?

SPEAKER_04

I honestly had no clue either. I believe it's uh it's a different rendition of the Big Mac, but with some mozzarella cheese, and it's supposed to have a different bun, but it seems they gave us the uh conventional sesame seed, you know.

SPEAKER_02

F up the bun. Yeah. Not a good look. This meat looks more real than their other meat, I will say.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, they made an announcement a couple years ago where they're we're officially using a hundred percent like ground beef now.

SPEAKER_02

So what were you guys using before?

SPEAKER_04

That Aldi horse.

SPEAKER_03

This one should be interesting.

SPEAKER_00

So the burger itself is supposed to have what? Like some so we got real beef. Thank God.

SPEAKER_04

Mozzarella cheese, special special archarel mozzarella. You gotta yell it. Mozzarel. Mozzarel! Mozzarel! Is that better? It's all terrible. And then a special arch sauce along with this special bun that is not included in here.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I guess the thing on the internet is that uh is it just ketchup and mustard mixed together now?

SPEAKER_02

That's what it tasted like when I just dabbled.

SPEAKER_00

That's regular Mac sauce. The CEO took like a baby bird bite and he kept calling it the product. Yeah, that video was wild.

SPEAKER_04

You know something that's unsettling to me about uh just that video and just people in general that you could tell they're not genuinely excited about eating their product? The fingertips. Like he would like grab it with just the tips of his fingers, like like almost like he didn't want to actually get his hand wrapped around it.

SPEAKER_02

It's like the worst part is he's tasting probably a product that you're never gonna be able to buy it enough to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_04

Now it's gonna be the greatest version of that, bro.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but chef probably privately making that right there. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

I'll give them credit. It did not look like a movie grade.

SPEAKER_02

You can over ham it, but they're they're definitely saucing it up a little bit differently.

SPEAKER_04

After he takes a bite, there's a solid second, I know we're overanalyzing it, like a solid second and a half delay, or you could tell his brain's like, they'll say it's good. Oh wow, this is really good.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, there's they've been all over the place. They've been making so many meme videos of like what the behind the scenes of that shoot must actually be like. It's been the most hilarious.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, dude, I saw that's an AI.

SPEAKER_02

What the f the actual burger? This is fing terrible! I told you no poppy seeds. Anyways, this is a fantastic burger. Like so funny.

SPEAKER_04

I think the biggest fumble, they fit they filmed all those, all the CEOs in like this sterile, like cubicle corporate environment where it's like you guys couldn't have gone to a restaurant.

SPEAKER_02

Could have gone into a restaurant as a customer, ordered it, ate it. Like they're making it.

SPEAKER_04

Those fluorescent hospital lights casting down on this reptile manager.

SPEAKER_00

I don't actually I liked to see the CEOs kind of just all jump in and like just start bashing on like the because McDonald's is still like the top of the food chain.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

Taste Test And Sauce Debate

SPEAKER_00

And I thought it was interesting. My favorite is Rich Rollins from Gas Monkey Garage. He has like a little pub, and they have a smash burger there, and he's just sitting in the restaurant, and he's basically like, You can get a burger made of real beef. We got cheese, other stuff. We got real women serving you the burgers, so you might get some. I was like, dude, just the most authentic Richard Rollins you've like ever heard, which is my favorite. I absolutely love it. Alright, that being said, dive into it. Let's taste this thing. I will once again go out on a limb and let everyone know that I hate McDonald's and I hate that we're doing this. Out of the gate, complete and utter disappointment. None of our burgers, I mean, we have three of these here, none of them have the proper bun. So that's like a big thing for this burger. Because it's supposed to have this new bun, right? Didn't get anything close to it. I'm going for it. Here we go. Cheers, boys. Take a man's bite. Alright.

SPEAKER_04

Now that is different. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_02

I actually think that's like pretty funny.

SPEAKER_00

It really is. I don't know about you guys. Mine's completely oversauced. Like I'm drowning in the sauce. All I taste is sauce. No beef. No beef taste for me. I despise shredded lettuce. Really? I I want to punch whoever the fing invented shredded lettuce. It is nothing but a mess. It holds no flavor. It wilts so fast and turns into like a soggy mess. Give me a piece of lettuce or get the lettuce off my burger.

SPEAKER_02

This thing is very hard to eat. This is very hard to eat. Mine's like falling apart out of it.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know how like I can see the sauce. Like mine is swimming in sauce. I tasted nothing but sauce and pickle.

SPEAKER_02

And the sauce was You don't like condiments though, right? It's good.

SPEAKER_00

Are burger supposed to taste like beef with supplement of the other shit, not the other shit, and then just happen to have beef in it. Unless it's the big arch sauce.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_00

That sauce has done nothing good for me. That's no, it's it's overpowering with ketchup. Yeah. And it's too much. Like a burger sauce should be able to be eaten with burgers and fries. And it's not that it's bad. I'm just it's too much. Like it doesn't, it doesn't help the burger. And I think we missed out on the bun. I think the bun was supposed to be more.

SPEAKER_04

I I was I I didn't think this was gonna be anything that special. I I genuinely enjoy this. I think this is a well-warranted new uh new menu item.

SPEAKER_03

It's yeah, this is good.

SPEAKER_04

It's kind of like you ever have like those spices. I can't say a negative thing about anything. Look at this. It's it was wonderful. I need a napkin. What do you mean wonderful? I got you a whole fan style here, you dirt ball. No, I mean, but the thing is like they've had weird menu items that like are just one-offs where it's like it's not even that good. Like the uh the the McCrispy. I wasn't a huge fan of the McCrispy, you know, just give me the the good old-fashioned cafeteria style McChicken. The McCrispy. That was overhyped. Eat the beef by itself.

SPEAKER_00

It tastes like literally nothing. Just pull it out. Like I'm just a chunk of beef or whatever they call this.

SPEAKER_02

Mine's all saturated with the sauce. Good. Alright, let's see.

SPEAKER_00

It has like the most mild beef flavor I think I've ever eaten in a in a in a beef patty.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not getting much salt, but I don't salt, no beef. I think the thing is here, I'm not expect it's McDonald's. I'm not expecting it to be like But they're hyping it to be that.

SPEAKER_00

They're like, the arch is the they're we're bringing it back to real burger.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, I think it's so much better than the the Big Mac, the patties are thinner, and you have that bun in the middle. This is just sticking to the beef thicker.

SPEAKER_02

It tastes more like a Wendy's burger. Yeah, and Sam f ⁇ ed up our order and gave us a Big Mac anyway.

SPEAKER_00

So you can go you can just indulge it. Take the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah, see, look at the see, look at the size of the patty on the Big Mac. The the bun overshadows the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00

No, that's the Big Mac's a piece is a stupid invention.

SPEAKER_04

We've gone over this. Well, it was a stolen invention invention.

SPEAKER_00

I stole it from the fine folks that eat. It is more beefy, I will say that. Like, excuse me, more volume of beef than what it normally is. Well, here's what I think we need to do. We're gonna film a full video going side by side. We're gonna get them all out here. We're gonna get double cheeseburgers from from everywhere. See if this thing can hang up with, you know, Wendy's who the f a Burger King. I love the AW guy hopping in there like anyone eats there. So it loves it.

SPEAKER_02

I kind of want to eat an AW burger.

SPEAKER_00

I've never eaten anything from AW.

SPEAKER_04

Neither have I. I would love to try it. I I went a few times as a kid. They had the the frosted glasses. You can get a root beer. They were always attached to a long John Silver. So it's somehow not clear.

SPEAKER_02

Did you guys ever have Jack in the Box?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, down south.

SPEAKER_02

Down south, when I live down south.

SPEAKER_00

I think I had it like once traveling.

SPEAKER_02

Jack in the Box was always just we'll do we'll do that.

SPEAKER_00

We'll we'll uh we'll do a full side-by-side comparison. We'll make that available. That'll be in the bunker. Even the size of the box. It's just so sad to me to watch, like, oh man, that stuff used to be so good. Here we go, Sam.

SPEAKER_04

Sam Sam's Oh, we have some fries too.

SPEAKER_02

I need like chain restaurant CEOs to start hopping on this bandwagon. Taste how soggy that is. Cocked that too. He did.

SPEAKER_03

But you'll eat every last one, won't you? Yeah, that was.

SPEAKER_02

And that won't.

SPEAKER_03

He gave me a bad one. That's all of them.

SPEAKER_00

They're all soggy as hell. What are the gory days?

SPEAKER_02

Well, we got McDonald's at 11 a.m.

SPEAKER_00

That's when they should be its best. They just opened the fingers kitchen.

SPEAKER_02

I think McDonald's, it needs some time to get acclimated, their employees to get warmed up. It's like, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Jeff went in, picked it up, said that it sucked. He's like, everyone in there was just pissed. I think McDonald's is McDonald's should just only be open for breakfast. Everything else is just killing people. It tastes like shit.

SPEAKER_04

I do love McDonald's breakfast.

unknown

Do you remember?

SPEAKER_04

Do you remember they briefly had the uh the all-day breakfast menu for a couple years?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, they couldn't make any money on it because it was outshining everything else where they just feed us dog food and then make profit on it.

SPEAKER_04

I saw uh I saw this short that was talking about how dog food's like the best protein supplement or 200 grams of protein, one can.

SPEAKER_00

I can't I I'm sorry guys, I can't get behind the arch or the hype. Really? My man Mike Golik Jr. was eating one on his Instagram this morning. He's the reason that I was like, when you guys brought this idea, I was inspired. You know who Mike Golik is? You can go literally go yourself. What does he do? I don't know. His old man has been on ESPN forever as a broadcaster and like a sports personality. What's his dad's name? Mike Golik. There's two Mike Golicks. His son and I played at the Steelers together. He's just a good dude. They're they do good stuff. Um that being like, Oh no, I feel like I've seen this person before. Yeah, he's been on he's been in sports broadcasting forever.

SPEAKER_02

I just need to see his face.

Nostalgia Chains And Unlimited Deals

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, his son and I played with the Steelers for a minute together for a summer. Um he's a good dude. So he was eating one that there's a son if you go down in the middle. He was eating one this morning, and I was like, this is a great idea. But I I can't get behind the the chain restaurant burger. Excuse me, the the McDonald's big arch, but I do believe that chain restaurants had their moment in burger glory. Um and the boys wanted to get into get into it today on the chain restaurant debate. Now, for me, I don't eat it a ton of them, but there's some that are up there lifetime, I think, that I'll never be able to not put up there, even though the food is absolutely deplorable.

SPEAKER_02

Deplorable, but there are some there are some ones that we were talking earlier. You have to put on the list of the best chain restaurants. So dead or alive, because some of them have died.

SPEAKER_00

Well, yeah, now we're digging.

SPEAKER_02

Like we we start talking about we can start with Boston Market. There's only like 16 or so left in the world. Yeah, and so I mean, but Boston Market back in the heyday, I grew up going to Boston Market as a kid. They had one in uh in Cranberry. It just looked too healthy for shit.

SPEAKER_00

Blue was there?

SPEAKER_02

Boston Market. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it was a lot of chicken product, and it was a lot of like actually like oven-roasted cooked things instead of deep-fried, like whatever. That's why they died. Like, people just don't want to eat that anymore.

SPEAKER_04

I've only seen the remnants of them. Like, I'll anytime I'm in like an unfamiliar place that's kind of desolate, you just see that old beige building with the Boston Market logo.

SPEAKER_02

I've seen their remnants, but so I guess in their prime, what were some of the best chain restaurants that you guys can remember that could still be around or are dead?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I didn't grow up going to restaurants because we I grew up in an Italian household, and God forbid you pay someone else for food when when you're you know, when your grandparents are straight off the boat.

SPEAKER_02

So is Olive Garden not on your list?

SPEAKER_00

Never ate, dude, and that's one thing now is like I'll eat in an Italian restaurant because I do appreciate great Italian food. But never like you would never go to an Italian restaurant when I was growing up. So Olive Garden, I didn't hit an Olive Garden until I was in like my teens, and it was strictly, and this is what puts it up there for me, it was strictly for the never ending possible. Really? Like everything else on that menu can literally go itself. Well, the breadsticks are on the never ending possible. Yeah, but like the breadsticks are its own looking idea. Breadsticks is Amelia Savage. Kids do.

SPEAKER_02

I remember as kids, we used to my cousins and I, you know, sometimes little timid.

SPEAKER_00

That's a hell of a kit hack. Like you just keep giving them breadsticks. Knock it up for your parents because that's that's I got another one for another red bunch.

SPEAKER_02

If you can bring it up later, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I know, yeah. I I we would never ending possible. You also had the never ending soup salad and breadsticks, but I can only get so much salad. I used to crush the soup. I only get so much dupa toscano until I want to like piss myself and go back. Yeah, but I mean it's good. Olive Garden is up there. So I I remember when Sarah and I started dating, we went to a never ending possible and she watched me just that shit up for like an hour and a half. And yeah, basically she called her dad and she was like, he's the one I want to have his children. You know, so the uh that's the only reason Olive Garden's up there. Everything else on that menu is so subpar that like I feel terrible for people that think that's Italian food that's good. Um, but if you just want volumes, volumes of like pretty much canned pasta sauces is what I feel like they got there. Can't beat it. And I do love me like a shitty cheap like pasta.

SPEAKER_02

I do think it's wild, like the whole concept of never-ending something, but like at a sit-down restaurant. Yeah, it's not a buffet.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, like there's certain things that don't need to be never-ending. Like like iHop will do like those like pancakes? The pancakes. I and I like I get I I feel like I put down some food. I've never once sat down and been able to eat more than like four pancakes. Like, it's just people blow you up.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like who's gonna take advantage of it?

SPEAKER_00

10 to 12 pancakes in a sitting now and and like the truckers that earned it?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's that like there is probably less of those people than the ones actually going in to get them.

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SPEAKER_00

I think that's what iHop was like created for. Truckers? I think so. Real quick, I know we're talking about a bunch of deplorable junk food and whatever that we're putting in our bodies or have put in our bodies. I wanted to take a second to tell you about something that you probably should be putting in your body that's amazing. And that is our sponsor, first form. And literally any product that they make. Personally, one of the products that I have been using for a long time is their Formula One. Uh, it's a protein powder. I use it literally all the time. It's uh intended for post-workout. So I always have a shake after I'm lifting weights or I work out. Mixes really well, tastes great, it's super easy to use. The macros are incredible, 110 calories. It's got 23 grams of protein, which is phenomenal. Great digestion and a whey protein isolate in there. It's designed specifically for post-workout recovery. But I'll use this thing whenever. I mixed it in my oatmeal this morning. I mix it with my yogurt. It's awesome. I'm a huge fan, it mixes really well, uh, tastes great as well. What I personally love about First Form is they have an incredibly high standard across the entire product line, everything from their bars to their supplements, their proteins, whatever they've got. It's just amazing to see a company that cares so much about their product. If you guys are looking to get something actually good for you in your body instead of the crap that we're talking about here on this episode, go to firstform.com forward slash slightly above average. Grab yourself a Formula One protein or any supplement that you want. You'll automatically get a free five-pack of these awesome new protein sticks included in your cart. And not to mention, if you don't like it, you've got a 30-day money back guarantee where first form will actually pay you 110% of your money back if you're not into it. So thank you again, First Form, for making this thing possible. Check them out at firstform.com forward slash slightly above average. I know I'm definitely gonna be uh drinking a shake after this show instead of all this garbage that we've been talking about. Now, let's get back into it.

SPEAKER_04

The only all-you-could eat thing that I'll I'll do a day's worth of prep for, and man, I will just go as hard as I can or crab legs. You go to like like a shifty seafood restaurant. Well deserved. Uh I'll starve myself all day. I'll avoid anything else in that buffet that's not crab legs. I was once, I was at a uh an all-you-could eat crab uh crab legs buffet with Kristen one time. I think we were in like we were in Myrtle Beach or somewhere like that. It was a weird place. But I went to the restroom and while I was gone, the waiter came up and she's like, Is he okay? Because we were in there for like a good like two and a half, three hours. Like, I was getting my money's worth out of those crab legs.

SPEAKER_00

I love it. There was a glorious chain establishment back when I was in my teens called CC's Pizza, which was an all-you-could eat pizza buffet.

unknown

I remember.

SPEAKER_02

See, I was at the age for CC's where it was a lot of birthday parties. Kid had kids had birthday parties there just because you could have the volumes of pizza for all the kids. And so that mine limited time with CC's.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, mine was like we got a we got a driver's license and twelve dollars.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, very, very different experiences, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00

They would just we'd walk in and it was like a it was like cattle coming through. They were just pissed. Like, no, they oh, we're gonna actually have to cook some stuff. These guys are gonna eat us out of house and home.

SPEAKER_04

CC CC's done.

SPEAKER_00

I haven't I think they're done. I think they're gone.

SPEAKER_02

I think they closed down years ago.

SPEAKER_00

Now, there was another spot. It wasn't all you can eat, but it was cheap. Uh B dubs, Buffalo Wild Wings used to have a wing night. Yeah. But I mean, I'm talking they were like 25 cent wings back when I was gonna do it. They are back in high school though, 25 cent wings, we would go, I think, and and we'd go every Tuesday and just crush wings three dozen wings. And you would and you just didn't feel as you felt like you're getting your money's worth. We we would actually, because we were teenage idiots, we would race there from whoever's house we would start at, and like we'd be on the the parkway, which is like the big highway here, just like zooting through traffic. Despicable behavior. Stone sober and just go fuck up a bunch of all you can eat, like cheap wings.

SPEAKER_04

We used to do that uh in high school at a Quaker steak, they'd have wing night every Wednesday. I think it was like$15 and it was just all you could eat. I had a buddy named Chris, he would he would just challenge everyone to like, I'm gonna eat the most wings, and all of us were like, no one's competing with you, man. Yeah, you're you're 400 pounds. Yeah, do whatever you want, and he would just gorge himself to just the limit.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like the great previous chain establishments all had that. Like there was a Pizza Hut buffet back when I was a kid. Now they Pizza Hut was savvy. They had that buffet, it was like 11 to 215 or something insane, right? So you had like we would go work out in the mornings and then stand outside till it opened. They'd open the buffet and we would just game on. That's when they had sigs inside, they had a smoking section. The prime, right? This is when I think I've mentioned this before. This is when Pizza Hut had the largest purchase per volume of kale in the entire world because they were staging it on their buffets.

SPEAKER_02

They should bring back the cigs and just try to you know bounce back off that nostalgia, especially like blast from the past.

SPEAKER_00

Sigs inside. Yeah, they need to just do something.

SPEAKER_02

I I don't I don't like cigarettes, but like that I'd probably go to a Pizza Hut if it felt like old timey.

SPEAKER_00

There's one of them supposedly somewhere in the country. They're still alive. It's like the old school nostalgic. I don't think it's Pizza Hut owned, but someone opened it to be the nostalgic Pizza Hut.

SPEAKER_02

How many likes for us to take a day off work and go there?

SPEAKER_00

I mean seven.

SPEAKER_04

Have you ever seen that place in Vegas? Uh it's called like the Heart Attack Cafe. I have seen her. Yeah, yeah. You pay your weight. Oh, yeah. You yeah, if you're over a certain weight, you eat for free. You can get unfiltered cigarettes, cheeseburgers, just any, just anyway.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's nuts. That's America.

SPEAKER_02

Uh I kind of missed the days of um Red Robin when it was in his prime.

SPEAKER_00

Another spot. I mean, we had Red Robin with the bottomless.

SPEAKER_02

They're still around, but yeah, that's a hack. We used to get those, like we didn't want to eat much. Uh, we just my brother and his two kids, they went there and they're babies, you know, they're a year a little over a year old.

SPEAKER_00

They were just bringing them fries, they were just crushing. 100% carb diet. I'm there, I'm with you. I'm with you. I got little kids. Their King's family restaurant also had so you would have to order their King burger or whatever it was called, and then you'd get endless fries. So, what we would do is we'd force one person to stay sober in high school. Kings and then we'd have them drive us there, and we'd eat we'd be midnight till 2 in the a.m. and just be going to town on the burger and fries.

SPEAKER_02

You just had me relive a whole life. Oh man, kings. We used to crush kings. They used to have a kitchen sink of ice cream.

SPEAKER_00

That got a live.

SPEAKER_02

I'm thinking about that.

SPEAKER_00

The frownie brownie? The frownie, you guys have brought the frownie up. I never got into that.

SPEAKER_02

The frownie brownie was the most elite brownie. Um, I gotta pull up a photo just for reference.

SPEAKER_04

Horrible brownie, but excellent. I missed the days of like like psychotic advertising, like with the frownie, where it's like this unlikable character or the Burger King King.

SPEAKER_00

When it was allowed to be 100% targeted at children with like no filter.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, look at him. There was smiley. You don't belong next to that mascot, sir.

SPEAKER_00

I find what interest so Kings did a complete rebrand. And they sh went to this like purple logo, completely lost me. I haven't been back since. They're dead now, I think. I think there's like one or two left. That's probably why. You went to the purple logo and what is it? You sure not basketball Sacramento King. No, no, no, no. The restaurant swapped to it. I remember distinctly, King's Restaurant went to this like purple banner logo thing. Oh, there's one in Catanning. It used to have that red logo up there in the top, you see, and then they swapped it years ago. They might have gone back. But it was uh you can't even find it.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe you're confusing. Scrub the internet.

SPEAKER_00

I know I'm right. I know I'm right. Look at the evolution. We're gonna get a Mandela effect here. People are gonna be like, yeah, that. What is that?

SPEAKER_02

Hideous, isn't it? Why would they do that? Yeah, purple and gold. That upsets me. Doesn't it? Like at my core. Were you a Texas Roadhouse person? Either of you? No.

Steakhouses And Early 2000s Peak

SPEAKER_04

No the pre-COVID days. Of Texas Roadhouse. That's what it was meant to be. It's a shell of what it once was now.

SPEAKER_00

Is that the nuts on the floor?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you put your nuts on the floor. For your birthday, there's still a few around. How many likes of this video? Give me an actual number for your birthday for us to take you there and film an exclusive video of you riding the horse at Texas Roadhouse. It's not even a horse. Saddle saddle. They sing happy birthday. You hop on a saddle and they sing as you're on the saddle. It's stationary, it has wheels, but like how many likes? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna keep it simple. I mean 10,000.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, 10,000 likes. We're gonna make that happen.

SPEAKER_00

I like a steak and a good time. Like, I'm not gonna. That'd be so much fun just to go. My my buddy that went to West Virginia worked at the Longhorn Steakhouse in WVU. He said that place had he had the his wildest stories from there.

SPEAKER_02

What happened to all the steakhouse? Outback steakhouse?

SPEAKER_04

I have a theory with all the chain restaurants. I was talking about this with Kristen. I feel like, especially growing up in like the early 2000s, I feel like they were in their heyday in like the early 2000s. Like I feel like people were like obsessed with them. The internet was still like in its like infancy. Then I feel like once like you know, things like Yelp and stuff started to pick up and social media and people were like, oh, I'm like privy to all these different foods and restaurants and things like that. I think people started to stray away from them. I do think we're seeing a slight renaissance though. Oh, yeah. Like, did you see the guy that took over Red Lobster?

SPEAKER_02

He's like, he's well, he's trying to do a thousand different things with it. He he's actually pretty smart, but I saw the Taco Bell one.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, wait, Taco Bell?

SPEAKER_00

They hired a new CEO.

SPEAKER_04

He's he's he's pretty much the guy that flipped is trying to flip Red Lobster. I thought he flipped a couple other ones. I will say, like, uh we for a while weren't going to like a lot of chain restaurants, but there is something I will say that's comforting about like going, like like you're out, it's like late at night, oh, there's an Applebee's open. And like I went through an Applebee's recently, I was like, you know what? It's been a long time, but I I kind of it's not the best, but I miss this. Like, I miss the consistency.

SPEAKER_02

I think people like that stuff, and they did for such a long time because it was a consistent across a lot of the restaurants, and you knew what you were gonna get. That consistent food and and output, whatever, wherever, you know, Applebee's, for example, you could go to any Applebee's and get a two for 20.

SPEAKER_04

Apparently, in the in the mid-2000s, they only did it at a handful of them, but they would do this thing uh at Applebee's where after like 11 o'clock they'd shut down and they turn it into a nightclub and they'd keep it open till like 4 a.m. They only they tried it in a couple locations and didn't it didn't work. No, look it up, I'm telling you, the Applebee's nightclub.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'm not too privy on that. Um, I've never wanted to spend an hour inside of an Applebee's after dark. Um, but I'm gonna agree with the like the uh the whole like um wow, look at it. The whole like consistency thing. I'm like, I think these restaurants where they were winning back in the day was with the appetizers, right? Yeah, yeah. They bring you in, because they could just like push the limit, right? And um you had like like Applebee's, for instance, or whichever was it Applebee's or was it TJI Fridays? One of them had like the this the Santa Fe like deep fried like wonton, like oh the wonton tacos burrito tacos, whatever. Applebee's, yeah. Like that kind of stuff is what kept people coming back for again and again. I got buddies though that are like I feel like millennials are this chicken tender generation where like half people just only eat attendees and and like they have this most childish palate because you could go to every one of those restaurants and just get chicken tenders and fries, and they were always solid. I don't I don't do the I see I'm like adamantly like f chain restaurants right now at this point in my life. Like I I hate them. I like I actually hate them. I wish I'd all shut down.

SPEAKER_02

We gotta go to a chili's.

SPEAKER_00

I hate that too.

SPEAKER_02

Like Chili's is probably Chili's marketing is phenomenal.

SPEAKER_00

Everywhere you go, there's a local knockoff of the exact chain restaurant that like real human beings own and not some conglomerate. Go support them. I agree with that. We go to those way more often, even though you walk in, you're like, this is just a f chilies. I do. At least it's owned by like Susan there in the corner scrubbing the floor. It's like, yeah, I'm gonna give her my money.

SPEAKER_04

I I agree, I agree with both of you, but I will say I've hit a point where I'm like, you know what? Like there was a while where I'm like, oh, I'm just actively avoiding chain restaurants. From time to time, I think it's it's nice to the consistency. I almost felt like I uh we got done with uh pottery last weekend and I went to a Texas Roadhouse. I didn't like the Texas I gotta be honest, the food I had I had a bit of a rough time. It's changed, but I will say the environment, I was like, I feel like I'm like taken back in time. I feel like it's like 2008 right now, and I'm just like the nostalgia factor, I feel like it's just that's not even nostalgic for me. I'm I'm pretty young still, but it was nostalgic.

SPEAKER_02

Huh? Was were there a ton of people in there? It was packed. See, that that's what would do it for me. I remember days when like you'd go to a steakhouse like that, and it'd just be packed to the brim. Standing room only. You couldn't get in. Yeah, you're waiting an hour. Even with reservations, you're waiting an hour to get to your table. Peanuts all over the fing ground. You can't walk without coaching.

SPEAKER_00

Which I'm not I need that.

SPEAKER_04

Give me a photo of that.

SPEAKER_00

I've never been to that.

SPEAKER_04

They give you they give you the buzzer, it looks like a taser. It's like when this lights up and shakes, we'll new well, you'll know uh we're ready for you.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I so I never experienced Texas Roadhouse in its glory or heyday. Like we just never do it. It does, I know, never. I've only been to once. I've only been to it once ever. Those were the floors. That's incredible. Like they literally back in the day a ton, though, that we still will do. One chain I will go to is the Cheesecake Factory. And it's only because it's at the mall here in Pittsburgh, right? And you know the menus got 7,000 things on your own. So many. You've got you can find something that you might be interested in eating.

Cheesecake Factory Menu Conspiracy

SPEAKER_02

No, let's do it. Sam, hit him with your conspiracy theory. Sam has a deep, deep tinfoil. Yes, it's not a conspiracy. It's a fact. Put your tinfoil hat on elaborate us with this.

SPEAKER_04

I saw a video about uh it was this guy that worked at the cheesecake. Oh wow, here you can see it. I'm sitting up for this shit. This guy worked at the cheesecake factory, and he's like, we know the menu is like extremely like overcrowded, but most of the things there are like prepped the day before, fresh. Most of the things on that menu. It's actually like he went through like a day in the life of like working in the kitchen at the cheesecake factory. Most of that stuff is made in-house there. It's not yeah, which I don't know how they do that because that menu is just out of control. Like, I don't know how any restaurant would do that.

SPEAKER_02

It's how vast it is. It's a big menu.

SPEAKER_04

They literally are the only restaurant I could think of on this whole list that literally hasn't changed their style at all. They stuck to that early 2000s Tuscan style. And it like once again, you go in there, it's like a time capsule. It's like this isn't 2026.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, they're always packed. Every Cheesecake Factory, there's a weight that's at least an hour. The mall, you can't go to the mall shopping and then just go eat lunch. It's always packed, even for lunch.

SPEAKER_00

It's the only place to eat there. Well, there's there's two, there's two or three restaurants. I mean, I'm it I will say this Cheesecake Factory, when they started putting the caloric volume of each item on the menu out there, did themselves a massive disservice. You can't get a dish at Cheesecake Factory for under a thousand calories. Yeah, you have to go to their skinny menu, which is hilarious because you're still looking at like five to seven hundred calories a meal, and you're eating like air, they like they they have it like as a line item. It's like lettuce, air, chicken breast, duck fat. Some some shit that you're like, why is that on there?

SPEAKER_02

Last time we went, my wife got some tasty chicken wraps. They were lettuce wraps, though.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. They were like, they're just like it's it's really hard to eat healthy at a restaurant, and and I I give them credit for trying, but I will put Cheesecake Factory is probably the only one on this list that that I will still willingly go to um and not like hate my life while I'm sitting there.

SPEAKER_04

There's one on this.

SPEAKER_00

I love hearing though that they actually do real cooking in practice.

SPEAKER_04

Supposedly. I don't I've never verified it myself. Is this all information coming off of one TikTok I watched, but I believe it to be true.

SPEAKER_00

Have you anyone ever been to a Ponderosa?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, one time when I was real real little. I don't are they still around? I don't think so. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00

I remember I got a hilarious story. We still it came out of my buddy's wedding 10 years after, but we were 15 and my one buddy had his driver's license, and the rest of us didn't. And this was pre- it's like the internet existed, but you weren't on it all day long. So we were always looking for shit to do. We stole his mom's car just to go to a Ponderosa when they were on vacation, and then ended up driving the fing car into the like one like going around a bend up into a hillside into a tree and like all this crazy shit. But just because we wanted to go to a Ponderosa to eat the unlimited buffet, I will say this to this day the story is phenomenal. The restaurant f sucked. Was it bad? And oh, it was so sad. We had to drive like it's like it was like 10 miles outside of where we grew up, and it's in Monroville. We were in Marie's little and it was it's still funny to this day. At my buddy's wedding, his best man told the story of how we crashed that car and hid it from him for like 15 years.

SPEAKER_04

Now there is one restaurant on here that legitimately top-tier, wonderful place to go. It's just the cream of the crop, hasn't changed an inch. The cracker barrel. That's now that's an institution. The cracker barrel. You could go there, you could go in, you get a country fried.

SPEAKER_00

Do it for me, Sam.

SPEAKER_04

You could get a country fried steak, a beer, and then shop and get some some old-timey hard candy at the store that's attached to it.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. I will say, I love everything that you're saying. Oh, yeah. But the food's trash. Like, I've gone once in my entire life, and I was like, I don't ever want to eat this again. I will say I like the branding. I love that they went back over.

SPEAKER_04

Sorry guys, we're going back. Pardon me, I have a conspiracy that they intentionally did that just to get their name out in the press there, where it's like, we're gonna make it this like super sterile, like grey walled, like uh uh like hypermodern restaurant. And I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna argue against it. I can't.

Breakfast Chains And Late Night Diners

SPEAKER_00

What about Bob Evans? You guys ever I was gonna go into that and I was like, we're leaving a bunch out though, what because we're we're we're just talking lunch and dinner here. There is an there's a pretty solid elevation of breakfast chains that we haven't even begin to sniff.

SPEAKER_04

The bre uh uh before we even get into it, I'm gonna make this statement. And I love that's the one thing like restaurant chains, I could take them or leave them. Breakfast chains, I absolutely love them. And I will say I feel like it's because you just want to live your life in a diner. I do, I genuinely do. Like literally the best some of the best times ever, like those diners died, or all the chain ones, they died after COVID because these places are supposed to be open 24-7. I used to make that commute constantly between State College and Pittsburgh, and my favorite thing to do would be like it'd be like one, two in the morning. It's like, I'm gonna stop at this Eaton Park, I'm gonna stop at this Denny's. Yeah, you can't do that anymore. That was the best. You would go in there, and it was always a great environment because it's like the place is mostly empty, and there's maybe like a handful of people just like scattered amongst there. The food comes out super quick, it's real like calm. You always get the best waitresses though.

SPEAKER_00

They're so much better at a breakfast chain.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah, and when the ones that work like late at night, they're like, I choose this, I prefer this, like it's my favorite time to work. And it was uh it was just such a time, and now they all close. I don't think there's any of them that stay open past midnight now. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Most restaurants don't sp stay open past like nine some days.

SPEAKER_00

Unless they're a real restaurant.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00

Like a chain, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah. But in on the city, the city of Pittsburgh, I will say there's been so many Saturday nights, it's like, oh, it's only 9.30, let's stop and get something to eat. It's frightening how many places close around like 10 o'clock here. Like if you get like deep in the heart of downtown or like don't go there, no.

SPEAKER_00

It's just like the kit, well, it gets completely out of hand now. That's a whole different conversation.

SPEAKER_02

I was telling Sam, one that we have near us, uh Denny's, right? Denny's, everyone loves Denny's. My dad played a ruse on me. He lied to me. He actually had me convinced. We drove past it one day, and he's like, you know, that used to be named Lenny's. I was like, What? No, it wasn't. And he's like, Yeah, it was. I grew up, it was Lenny's. I'm like, no, it wasn't. He's like, yeah. So I believed him for like a year that it was it was named Lenny's, and then it just changed the denny.

SPEAKER_00

Just the most dad lie of all such a daddy.

SPEAKER_02

I Googled it today before we got into this, and I'm like, holy shit, he lied to me. It was never named Lenny's.

SPEAKER_04

Those are the best lies, just like a little inconsequential, like it doesn't even affect anything. There's no reason to lie about it. It was just one simmer for you. That like your dad's a genius and it simmers for years. Deck in the deck.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, for a year, I thought it was named Lenny's, and then it just changed to Denny's. They had rebranding. I never would dig into that, right?

SPEAKER_00

He's just owning you as well. It's one of those things. Damn it, my dad owns me. Like, that's what he's going for.

SPEAKER_04

Kristen's grandpa does that. She'll always tell me stories. She's like, I don't know what's true or not. Like, he'll tell me he like built bridges and shit sometimes, and I'll like, and not like it's like he's consciously doing it. And I was like, that's exactly the type of total tangent.

SPEAKER_00

But like, what's wild is um as you raise children, you you start to realize that like you are the means to like their information. So like I told my daughter in a jest once, I was like, hey, you need to comb your hair, and she's like, you know, not combing her hair, brushing her hair, right? And I'm like, Well, it's gonna fall out if you don't brush it. No shit. I got a buddy, he's completely bald, right? She literally goes up to him like a month and a half later and is like, Mr. Jonathan, did you not brush your hair as a kid? He's like, excuse me, Annie? She's four. He's like, excuse me. She's like, My dad said that if I don't brush my hair, I'm gonna, it's all gonna fall out. Is that why your hair fell out? And you're just like, Yeah, it's like no different than your dad telling you Lennys. You just believe it blindly. Like, there's no way to judge.

SPEAKER_02

I'm happy I never said that shit out loud to anybody. And it's one of those ones where like, I'm glad I just kept that internally and thought about it.

SPEAKER_00

I'll I'll I'll uh I'm gonna have to jump in on Sam's comment though, is like breakfast spots. There was a there's a Bob Evans in Morgantown. I used to go visit my buddies in Morgantown all the time. And I actually looked forward to like my blistering, terrible Sunday hangover that I had to drive back to Pittsburgh because we'd hit the Bob Evans on the way out and just walk in there like a pile of complete trash and order the most deplorably despicable things in volume, and you would have nothing but a smile and a kind gesture from the sweetest lady giving it to you. Oh, yeah. She's like, I know you're suffering, and I know this garbage I have available to you is the only means to bring you back to life. Would you like gravy on that? Oh, would you like extra bacon? Oh, the toast is considerably better with this. Ah, we're running a uh we're running a special on this breakfast. I'll get you two. More coffee. You're like, yes. Yes, yes, Susan. I don't know why I'm not stuck in the name Susan Day, but it was always some just like grown woman's name where you're just like, the fact that I'm hungover and you're feeding me like this, I'd like to propose to you right now because I feel like you could take care of me for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_02

Like they not water you up. Oh yeah. That's what you got for a good tip. They'll start calling you sweethearts.

SPEAKER_00

No. And I don't think I don't think these young kids want that. Like they don't appreciate that. Like that's They're killing the diners. They are. That's the I feel like that's the epitome of what a diner's experience was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_04

Have any of you guys ever been to Dean's Diner? Dean's. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, we got a Dick's Diner in Murray'sville. It's it's been around for like 75 years.

SPEAKER_04

Murraysville. Like when you're going to Penn State, it's that green diner. It's been there for like a hundred years. That's why I thought you might have known about it. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I are you sure it's not Dick's Diner?

SPEAKER_04

No, no, look up, look up Dean's Diner, Joe.

SPEAKER_00

It'd be on Route 22. It literally Where is it? It'd be like on Route 22. That's the only way to get to Penn State.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that place. Okay. Oh my god. It's literally everything about it, it's a 1950s diner.

SPEAKER_00

The sign has an arrow, you know it's good.

SPEAKER_04

Everything about oh, it's so good. Like they have fresh pies in there. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

The sign has an arrow, you know it's good.

SPEAKER_04

Even the the meals they have, it's like, oh, you get a cold meatloaf sandwich. Where else can you go get a cold meatloaf sandwich?

SPEAKER_00

You know what? That might have to be the restaurant we open. It's shit like that. You get a cold slice of pizza cake. You would hot no, get out of here. Right? You get a cold meatloaf sandwich. You get egg salad out of a vending machine that was made fresh, but you have to get it from the vending machine.

College Food Stories And Delivery Era

SPEAKER_02

Where I grew up in Zillionople, uh, they used to have a diner called the Country Kitchen. They closed it, and I've been hurt ever since. You could no shit country with a K. That's you know it's you could go in here. We can't spell, but we can cook. You can get food for 10 people for$40. Love that. It was the cheapest thing, it was the best environment. The coffee, I mean, it would scald your mouth. It was so hot. Like they didn't have any cream or nothing. You drank that shit black. That shit was Maxwell House bullying for four.

SPEAKER_00

Dude, that's what I'm talking about. That's it. See, I'm taking that all I'm taking breakfast diners all day over the rest of the chains. Like, I would like to see every chain restaurant close its doors except for the breakfast ones. What makes bring back breakfast diners?

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah. What makes diners so nice is that like in a sit-down restaurant, you go in and you're expected to follow the same script you always have, which is sit down, place your order, get a full meal, leave, and you're on with your day. But a diner, you can come in and get one cup of coffee and hang out just for the vibe, yeah. The paper, right?

SPEAKER_00

You can get one strip of bacon.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you could do anything. You can make up orders. We're opening a diner. I mean, this you have me sold on it.

SPEAKER_00

Jeff! Yeah, he can't cook. I'll teach him though. He'd be a great chef. No, he'd be bullshit for the best of them.

SPEAKER_02

He'd be able to just talk about anything with people.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Jeff would be excellent. So, like, I I uh I uh I find that there was a diner in every college town. Like at Pitt in Pitt, we had this place that was called Tom's Diner. It's kind of still around, it's called Totin's Diner now. Um, but you you pop in there about 1 a.m. right before the rush comes at two, right? And they served literally like any protein you'd want. I was joking when I yelled for you, Jeff. Any protein you want with eggs and hash browns, right? And like there's I don't know if there's anything better than like deep fried Chinese food when you're when you're that drunk, right? Like there's those two things, which was right next door, by the way. Cambodian Cafe, shout out. Um but I would get gyro meat. You ever had gyro meat with breakfast? Yeah, fire. They went they went under for like a drug bust or something, but they were do they were doing incredible things in the early 2000s for for men like me, because you could get a bucket of food for like$11, get that, get that drunk to start to go down. We would usually just go back and pound like another 30 rack of beers.

SPEAKER_02

My wife went to like a party school, you know. Kent State, they know how to throw down.

SPEAKER_00

They get after it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I used to go up, we'd drink on weekends, have fun, and I remember I got tired of they used to get canes, um, a bunch of fast food. I got tired of it. And in the middle of a party, I door-dash an Applebee steak to the party.

SPEAKER_04

Bold move. They'd probably pay way too much for one of the worst. We had to do it back in the day.

SPEAKER_02

I door dashed, and this is why probably these restaurants are dying, you know, DoorDash and all these other whatever. But I got a steak and ate it in the middle of the party, and everyone was like, that's such a good idea. Three more kids ordered steaks from Applebee's.

SPEAKER_00

Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_02

It was the greatest time of my life.

SPEAKER_00

We were like lucky to get a pizza or in a cab back when I was.

SPEAKER_02

People were just like, Where'd you get that steak from? Where'd you get it from? The mashed potatoes.

SPEAKER_00

Incredible. You're not now that you say it out loud, it's time to be alive. It sounds incredible. I will say I would buy steaks from a butcher in bulk and fire that shit up at two o'clock all the time. Yeah. So we'd be in the kitchen. I'm like, I'm like burning the place to the ground. Me and my buddies play video games, pounding drinks. We were medium rare, it's like a hockey pucker raw.

unknown

There you go.

SPEAKER_04

I can't see while I'm you know what I mean shit face. I remember when I was in college, I knew nothing about like different cuts of steaks and like marbling a fat content. So I would always like just get like the cheaper steaks. I mean, yeah, it's an eye of round. This this would probably be just as good as anything else. And they were so bad. I'm like, these are the toughest steaks. Like so.

SPEAKER_00

Joe's over here DoorDash delicatesses.

SPEAKER_02

DoorDash is the great time, man, to be in the house. That's a bullshit. That's wild.

SPEAKER_00

I've never assimilated like being able to door dash while you're partying.

SPEAKER_02

People would just DoorDash bullshit. And like I was working while I was in college, so I'm like, man, I'm gonna spend my fing money on some quality food. What you know, maybe not the best quality, but like your mind. Quality compared to the fast care.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, styrofoam cup.

SPEAKER_04

I was tired of that shit. I don't blame you. The access to when I was in college, we were just the very beginning. It was before DoorDash or Uber Eats. We had GoPuff. I think. Remember Go Puff, dude? GoPuff, dude. Oh, they were so, at least in Pittsburgh, it was so bad. You would put like a GoPuff order in at eight at night and it'd be like 1 a.m. and there's no tracking or anything. Just show up. They just wouldn't go. You're just praying for it. And then you would have to call the next day and be like, hey, I put this order and nothing came, and they would just give you more credits. I feel like I had a million GoP credits, but I couldn't spend it because the food wouldn't get delivered.

SPEAKER_02

You used to go puff alcohol, that was sick. You could go puff a beer stick. Yeah. You could go like that was that was the hack. People would go puff alcohol pregame. You'd get to a party, go puff some alcohol, you'd get it, and then you didn't have to like take stuff with you. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. College developed since you were in it a little bit.

SPEAKER_00

Dude, we used to like have to try and find someone that was old enough to buy beer to go to a bar that was allowed in like Pennsylvania's all these regulations. So you couldn't sell 12 packs. You couldn't, the beer distributors would close, so you'd have to buy 12 packs. Like we beat WVU in the 13-9 game, right? We drive back to Pittsburgh, it's about an hour and 40 minutes. We get back, it's like 12, excuse me, it's like 1.14 in the morning. They stopped selling booze at 2, but you could get 12 packs. Every dude on the bus that was 21 went to just they just dispersed to every bar they could find. Yeah. Bought every 12. We were drinking, I mean, we could have been drinking urine out of what a cans. Yeah. But then we went just straight back to the middle of campus and just destroyed this apartment building and threw a massive rager. It was epic. But that was like that was the game every weekend. You couldn't call a puff to bring you a stick of beer. Right? You couldn't call someone. If you called that person, they're usually shit faced and can't drive. Like what a diff what a time to be alive for you guys. We were we had to be way more resourceful.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you guys probably were doing way more creative shit.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, dude. That are dangerous. Yeah. That are dangerous. And you know what? It can all point back to blaming the chain restaurants.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, let's play overrated, underrated through this list of chain restaurants. Up first, overrated, underrated, Texas Roadhouse. Overrated. Overrated. Olive Garden. Overrated.

SPEAKER_00

Olive Garden's poop, man.

SPEAKER_04

They don't have their salad dressing is so good.

SPEAKER_00

It is, and so are the breadsticks. But the fact they have the whole rest of the menu, which is poop, and they don't do they're they're too expensive.

SPEAKER_04

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go overrated.

SPEAKER_00

They're too expensive and they don't do the unlimited. Yeah, I'll say overrated. Yeah, that's a good point. Continuously anymore. Like that, that you know, go back to your glory. Overrated. Overrated.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna say underrated. Chili's is under the body.

SPEAKER_00

Boys that love to eat kids' food as adult males love chilies.

SPEAKER_02

Chili's is is a great spot.

SPEAKER_03

Applebee's underrated. I'd say underrated. Severely underrated. None of these do it for them. I'm gonna overrate all of them.

SPEAKER_04

Longhorn Steakhouse?

SPEAKER_00

Overrated.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, they're all they all suck. I I'll say longhorn. Yeah, you might get me with one. Compared to Texas Red House, I feel like Longhorn's like a small step above.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. What about Red Robin?

SPEAKER_04

Overrated.

SPEAKER_02

Overrated. Underrated. Their shakes are elite, except for their whole menu. It's very unlike you. I you're you're right, but their shakes, you get a shake from Red Robin, you feel like a new person. Yeah, because you have diabetes.

SPEAKER_04

Joe, what has become of you? I just had a shake for the red robin.

SPEAKER_02

Unlimited fries, their burgers are solid. Because you're a diabetic when you leave. Yeah, I'm telling you, Johnny. That's why you feel different.

SPEAKER_00

Buffalo Wild Wings? So Buffalo Wild Wings, I would have put as properly rated.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because I think they have a great menu. The food actually tastes solid, but they've gone too gimmicky for me. I'd say overrated nowadays. They back in the day, though, they they were they were solid. There's also something that I can't talk about on this pod that they do that if you know, you know.

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_00

What do they do? And it puts them on underrated for me. It puts them overrated for me.

SPEAKER_02

Alright. Cheesecake Factory.

SPEAKER_00

Underrated. I will say properly rated.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, it's underrated. I don't go there enough.

SPEAKER_00

I don't think that most people go there enough to No, but it's the same thing I was getting 15 years ago in the Southside. And it's not that bad. Like I was That's a good thing. Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're overrated, or excuse me, underrated would mean that people think that like they sleep on it. They think it's like no good.

SPEAKER_04

I will say underrated because I have to be honest, the first time I ever went there, I was I it wasn't until I was older. Like I saw that menu, I was like, this is gonna be horrible. Like there's so much on here. Anything I get's gonna be awful. I will go underrated. I know where you're gonna say. That's not bad. That comes out, it's like, oh, that's actually these are.

SPEAKER_00

And you want to take out, can't be cheesecake. They've got so many apps. You can just fill up on the app. Don't get the cheesecake though. The cheesecake's pretty trash, though. It's pretty terrible. But really. Yeah. I'd rather have it.

SPEAKER_02

We've never had cheesecake at the cheesecake.

SPEAKER_04

I don't like cheesecake. What? What? It's not a huge.

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_04

I just don't like cheesecake.

SPEAKER_00

Why? I don't know if we can keep this thing going, Joe. They're gonna yell at us while this mic's. I don't care what you yell me about. I just I don't know. It's clear. Dude, I'm cheesecake is it. It's the pinnacle for me.

SPEAKER_04

I think, you know, the other thing, I just personally don't like it. But then whenever you say you don't like it, like I've heard this a million times, like why don't you like it? Like, oh, I don't like cream cheeses. You can't even taste it. You can't even taste. Like, I I get what you're saying. I get what everyone's.

SPEAKER_02

There's something about the the cake, the cheesecake, with the crust, with like a fruit paired with it. You know what I'm probably like different cheesecakes than means. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00

I like just a very traditional classic graham cracker crust. I will I will like a little strawberries or some cherries on top. Texture, you get all a second too much going on. What do you mean, too much going on?

SPEAKER_04

Your preferred dessert is what? I mean, if I had to choose a pie, it'd probably be like a chocolate pie. Like a chocolate pie. What the f did? Which is the worst pie. That's disgusting. A chocolate cream pie. If you have a uh a chocolate cream pie that was made very well.

SPEAKER_00

This man just wants cream pie.

SPEAKER_02

Apple pies. There's so many other pies. Pumpkin pie? Yeah, well, I mean Blackberry Pie.

SPEAKER_00

Pumpkin pie is the only good pie. Pumpkin's phenomenal. Pumpkin's great all year round. You just don't eat it.

SPEAKER_02

I would argue, but that one time at Thanksgiving makes it better than just a chocolate pie. For sure.

SPEAKER_04

I think that the re part of the reason it's even a rhubarb pie is probably even better. I don't even know what a rhubarb pie is.

SPEAKER_02

You get rhubarb around here. My mom makes homemade rhubarb pies. I don't know, man. I don't eat it, but it was rhubarb.

SPEAKER_00

I think it's like a rootie kind of fruit vegetable thingy. That's like it, it's I don't know. I mean, it looks good.

SPEAKER_02

It looks great. She my mom just made it for my brother for it, I believe.

SPEAKER_00

Huh. So you like have to cook it and like with a ton of shrimp.

SPEAKER_04

But see, that's the thing, like a fruit pie like that, like anything with whether it's like apple pie, peach pie, whatever, like, it's just simple. It's like you have your filling, your crust.

SPEAKER_00

That's what cream, that's what a cheesecake is. It's simple. Cheesecake's simple. It's just you got multiple areas.

SPEAKER_04

You have a graham cracker, you have the the cheesecake. You got about crust on the pie. The berries, pies have crust, and then they have the filling.

SPEAKER_02

You have three layers of a chocolate pie.

SPEAKER_04

But I'm saying a gram. I'm saying each component of that pie you could eat on its own, where like a fruit pie, it has to be consumed together. No one's just gonna eat a raw button.

SPEAKER_00

Bro, you watch the but you'll eat a you'll eat a raw grain. Get out of here with that bull nonsense. Come on now. My God. Your your chocolate cake is the same thing, just sub the fing chocolate for for cheese, for cream cheese. I don't like that. And it's the same exact same process.

SPEAKER_04

I don't like cream cheese. I'm not saying it has too much going on, but you like cream cheese. I just don't like it. I don't even I I don't eat bagels, I don't eat. I understand.

SPEAKER_02

If he doesn't like that, I get it. I get it not liking it. What do you mean you get it? Hold on. If he doesn't like it, I understand not liking something. But what I don't get is he said there's too much going on, but he he preferred the big architecture.

SPEAKER_04

Now that's different. Now that it had it it had it's kind of like think about it like No!

SPEAKER_00

No!

SPEAKER_04

It's not different.

SPEAKER_00

Simple is simple, and that's it.

SPEAKER_04

No, no.

SPEAKER_00

It's a consumable. He likes a pizza with a mountain of shit on it. A burger with a mountain of shit on it who's over here judging cream.

SPEAKER_04

This is gonna be an asinine request. Can you pull up a photo of a slice of uh cream cheese or a slice of uh uh cheesecake? Yeah. Why? I just want to make sure I'm right here. How can't that look pretty? I mean, I have to be honest. Looking at the pie now, it does seem pretty simple. I I I swore that uh uh cheesecake had like a layer of stupid cheesecakes that have stupid shit in it. Okay, see that actually does look good.

SPEAKER_00

So just like they have stupid everything, but stupid you prefer.

SPEAKER_04

You prefer a burger with an extra bun in the middle. But that's different. They're trying to elevate something that uh frankly has been a little too simple for a little too long, and I respect them for that.

SPEAKER_02

Like they have stupid f like that's what I was envisioning.

SPEAKER_04

That's the triple layer.

SPEAKER_00

Triple layer peanut butter stuff. I'm not a I'm not huge on that. You you, my friend, need to open your mind. You tell me all the time I need to open my my mind and start exploring. Tell me to open my gut. Open your stomach.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like I'm open to eating. Open your taste.

SPEAKER_00

Joe, Joe. Uh uh, we need to order some cheesecakes from elite cheesecake places. Get this man taste. I guarantee you'll like it.

SPEAKER_02

Let's do it on the next or something.

SPEAKER_00

He made a pie this weekend. He's a pie guy. I'm a pie, pie over cake all day. Let's go. And cheesecake is a pie in my guys. Next, next recipe.

SPEAKER_02

Uh cracker barrel.

SPEAKER_00

Uh overrated.

SPEAKER_04

You have the fing audacity to come after me for the cheesecake. The cracker barrel is the most underrated restaurant on this list. It has everything you need, everything you could ever want. It's the most versatile, the most planned for me.

SPEAKER_00

I can't do that. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04

Experience is solid, but I think it's too hyped up.

SPEAKER_02

That's cracker barrel. I'd say it's underrated.

SPEAKER_00

Thank goodness. Someone has their sense of it.

SPEAKER_02

Cracker Barrel is like a whole experience if you go there.

SPEAKER_00

Which is great. But then you eat the food and you're like, I don't ever want to come back here. But you could shop if you don't like the food. I can get a trinket, I can play the little f stick game.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. You can play games while you're eating. It's literally.

SPEAKER_00

Which keeps it hyped up. And then you eat the food and you're like, this was not worth it.

SPEAKER_04

It's just a better version of like any diner, like chain restaurant. No, no, no. You can get better than diners. I would they're breakfast? Oh my goodness. There's not even diner seating.

SPEAKER_00

Like you can't even constitute those part about cracker barrel.

SPEAKER_04

Like a Denny's. It's comparable to better than Denny's. Denny's is here, Cracker Barrel's here, it's 10 a.m. we gotta get breakfast. I'm going to Cracker Barrel. Simple as that. Alright.

SPEAKER_02

Um, Outback Steakhouse. I missed that one earlier. Overrated. It's another steakhouse.

SPEAKER_04

Which one has the bloom and onion? Is that Outback? Outback. Oh, I kind of wish I said long.

SPEAKER_02

That's one item. Based off the bloom and onion.

SPEAKER_00

Those honey butter biscuit buns things, too.

SPEAKER_02

Texas Roadhouse has the cinnamon butter.

SPEAKER_03

I'll say it's all overrated. I'll say overrated. It's all overrated. I hop. Overrated. Overrated. Sick of their gimmicks. I'll go overrated. I'll bend the knee. Denny's overrated. Underrated. Denny's is just trash.

SPEAKER_00

It shouldn't even be on the battery.

SPEAKER_03

No, Denny's. But it's it. Their past are they used to be great. Yeah, but it was never great.

SPEAKER_04

But it's but no, but I I feel like aside from them not being open past midnight and getting rid of the smoking section.

SPEAKER_03

Excuse for everything.

SPEAKER_04

Come on, Denny's is is an institution. If Denny's dies, we have nothing left. You're left with IHOP. Is that what you want? Is that the world you want to live in? No, what do you mean you take that? I'm taking IHOP. I don't mind IHOP.

SPEAKER_00

I'm taking IHOP over Denny's.

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_00

They're cleaner, they care more.

SPEAKER_04

That's not what I want in a all diner ships.

SPEAKER_00

Unfortunately, they're actually one on there and it's coming up.

SPEAKER_02

There's one that I I'm gonna tell you underrated. You both get pissed off.

SPEAKER_04

You both are dead wrong. And you've probably been to one like once. I lived by like 60 of them. You're absolutely in my reader about that.

SPEAKER_02

Let's give it a Waffle House. Underrated. Underrated. Can I tell you why they're underrated?

SPEAKER_00

Because they're f trash and it's an experience every time you get it.

SPEAKER_02

It's an experience going to Waffle House poll. It's not the food. It's it's primarily like you never know. You get to witness a fight there every night. Exactly. You never know what you're gonna get. If you're feeling thirsty, shock tonight. Let's go to Waffle House, spice things up a little bit. See what?

SPEAKER_00

I'm with Joe. You want to talk about experience? You're not walking about the Wall House.

SPEAKER_02

You drink some dark liquor instead of some light or some other beverages. You're feeling thrisky. Goff.

SPEAKER_04

I lived in South Carolina. I lived by a hundred of them. Every one of them, you were watching your back. I would no, I'm saying everyone I would go, even just like forget about the ambiance or any of the stuff with all the fighting and this and that. I would go in just to order something, and I was like, maybe I had a bad experience of this one. This waffle was terrible. Then you go to the next one. It's like, nope, same here. We don't get the waffles.

SPEAKER_02

You don't get waffles at Waffle House.

SPEAKER_04

You've gotten a lot of stuff off the menu.

SPEAKER_02

It's it's not really meant for eating. The food's there. It's gonna hold you over while you're there for the entertainment. No one is seeing what her.

SPEAKER_00

That's the point. You could be the one person. You bring the vibes. You're big on that. Not at the Waffle House. Wow. You guys are wrong.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, this is another go one Perkins. Never heard of it.

SPEAKER_00

Really? It's green.

SPEAKER_04

No, I've heard of it. They used to be an institution. No, they used to be an institution.

SPEAKER_00

This man will aren't you?

SPEAKER_04

I think they're done now, but they were institutional.

SPEAKER_02

I'd say they're overrated, but I'm saving it overrated because I've never had one.

SPEAKER_04

There's 100% not one. Oh no, 100% uh overrated. Pick one. Which one? Underrated, underrated, underrated.

SPEAKER_02

Alright. Last but not least, just for this list, I know there could be many more, but Bob Evans. Overrated.

SPEAKER_00

Bob Evans has a big name.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta say, Bob Evans, a lot of nostalgia. We used to go to the one in Cranberry. I say it's underrated. They had see.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. They've just brought their portion sizes down. They're commercialized now. You know. It's what's needed. No, I think it's overrated.

SPEAKER_02

Volume of Bob Evans.

SPEAKER_00

I've I have to I have to make sure they get on a toilet.

SPEAKER_02

They're all just a nostalgia. I feel like that's what an opinion is.

SPEAKER_00

They're all just from childhood experience, though.

SPEAKER_02

I don't go to these places anymore.

SPEAKER_00

I mean you do, they change your fing perspective.

SPEAKER_02

There's no Bob Evans anymore in the area. Perkins doesn't exist. They took the one out of the where I live at least. Where's the next Bob Evans at?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I don't know. But there's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04

I'm saying you guys are you guys are trying to get Denny's out now, and then it's Denny's isn't there?

SPEAKER_00

There's a Bob Evans in Robinson. There's a Bob Evans in.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not driving 45 minutes to go to Bob Evans. It's not that.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I haven't been there in like five years. There was that Bob Evans in in Morgantown. Cracker Barrel's closed. I'd go to Cracker Barrel again. There's a Cracker Barrel in Robinson. Red Robin, there's one locally. Red Robin and Robinson. Robinson's guy, they're thriving. They get everyone coming in from Washington County.

SPEAKER_04

That's one thing I'll say is a pro of the chain restaurants. Obviously, anyone would much rather go to a local uh restaurant, but there's plenty of areas all across the United States where like without these chain restaurants, like you're like food deserts.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like a human, like a like a like a couple can't run a restaurant there.

Mount Rushmore Of Chain Dishes

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think what would be great. We're gonna do a Mount Rushmore segment again. And um, I'm gonna go through, I'm gonna name a bunch of the most famous dishes at each of these restaurants, and then you guys can pick from a list for your Mount Rushmore. We'll go in order. Everyone can put four total items from all these restaurants, some of the most popular on their Mount Rushmore of dishes. First up, we have the Bloom and Onion Outback Steakhouse, unlimited breadsticks, or you could do pasta from Olive Garden, babyback ribs from chilies, free rolls with cinnamon butter from Texas Roadhouse, Cheddar Bay Biscuits Red Lobster, two for twenty combo. That's a volume play there. Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel, bottomless steak fries from Red Robin, and buttermilk pancakes from IHop. We still have a lot more. We have uh covered hash browns from Waffle House. I can go through this list and you wanna go first, Sean? You wanna just pick one and we'll go?

SPEAKER_00

No. They're all okay.

SPEAKER_02

You wanna just give me your four? Might be more clipping.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna have to Okay, so the the only one of these that's actually deserving to be on a rushmore, in my opinion, is the breadsticks from all of them. Wow. Everything else on that menu, I haven't either I like I really haven't eaten a lot of it. Like the baby back ribs are absolutely disgusting. Like they are just this like dipped concoction of something in so much sauce that like they're uh they'll ruin your life if you eat them. That's not what a rib should taste like. Okay, Sam's. Haven't had enough of the free rolls, haven't had enough. I've had the cheddar biscuits, but they didn't have that much of an impact. I've been to like one red lobster ever. Sam, do you want to give me your four? I've never had the two for twenty. Cheesecake sucks.

SPEAKER_02

You've never had a two for twenty at Applebee's. Oh man. You're missing out.

SPEAKER_00

It wasn't when I was when I would go to it, like that's like a new in the last decade thing, I feel like. Like that wasn't there when Applebee's was a part of my life, which it wasn't ever.

SPEAKER_04

It definitely was in the last decade. I remember in high school taking advantage of that.

SPEAKER_00

But it wasn't like 2008. Yeah, so I would graduated college. I was in college when that came out. So they I was going to Applebee's in high school. Like I wasn't going after that. So I guess.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like I'm Mount Rushmore. We're definitely definitely the bloom and onion. The bloom and onion that bloom and onion can go on there. It's oh it's it's wonderful. Yeah. You can make your own at home too.

SPEAKER_00

Oh man. You know, that's like the most calorically dense uh appetizer in human existence.

SPEAKER_04

I would I honestly bring on the calories. I I tried, I try everything I can to gain weight through healthy means, unhealthy means. Just it's not. It definitely deserves to be on the rush. I'll give you that. Alright, bloom and onion. Uh, definitely the the cheddar bay biscuits from uh Red Lobster. That that's like the one chain food item like they sell at the grocery store that I will purchase sometimes. Oh, they're they're so good. They're so good. Um two for twenty at the Applebee's. That's it's just a phenomenal deal. They still have it right now. It's funny they released it in 2008. That was definitely like a like a uh we're going into a recession. Let's have a deal that uh we can market. So I think that's a cool one. And the last one uh you scroll down. Oh, how could I forget the chicken and dumplings from the cracker barrel? Absolutely wonderful. Would recommend them to anyone who enjoys chicken and dumplings.

SPEAKER_02

And there's my four. Give me the bloomin' onion, unlimited breadsticks, the two for twenty, and I I'll have to take uh I'm with you there, Sam. The the the cheddar bay biscuit. Oh yeah, the cheddar bay. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I lied, take that off. I lied. The fourth one is gonna be the uh Texas uh Roadhouse cinnamon rolls. Those those the cinnamon butter, they give you like regular rolls with cinnamon butter, so good.

SPEAKER_00

I have one. I mean, I feel like if it's on a rushmore, it's the thing, like you go to the restaurant to eat that, and then everything else after is different, right? That it's the only one on there. Like, I'm sorry, guys. I just don't chain restaurant that hard.

SPEAKER_04

Not yet.

Wrap Up And Listener Comments

SPEAKER_00

Not yet. No, not never. I got this like whole thing called like uh an age catching up to me. You can get that taken care of. I don't need to eat a lumen onion ever again in my life. One day you're that burger honestly has me like feeling guilt right now, that one bite I had of that garbage. But with that being said, it's been quite an enjoyable experience. Uh hearing from you two how uh one, you've never had a good cheesecake in your life. And then two, Joe's DoorDash and Steaks to parties back in the mid-2000s. What a legendary move there. If you guys uh have thought of anything that we missed here on the show, please leave it in the comment section below. And don't forget, you can get this episode on in every episode on early release inside of the Buildabunker, as well as exclusive content. Um, thank you, First Form, for sponsoring this episode, and we'll see you guys next week.

Head Shot

John Malecki

Host
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Joe Meinert

Co-host
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Sam Poola

Co-host