We Ranked Every Energy Drink

We’re settling the ultimate cooler debate by ranking every major energy drink brand from S-Tier essentials to absolute trash.

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Transcript

The Energy Drink Taste Test Plan

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Now you just go into a gas station and it's like boner or non-boner drinks that look like five hour energies. You're like, I don't oh, I learned to get a five hour, like stay hard for four days with my own. So back in the day, energy drinks used to be simple. There was one can of piss that all of us drank. We put alcohol in it, we put all of our emotions in it, and it was the pinnacle of energy. Now you go into sheets or wherever you like to buy your stuff, and the cooler is just littered top to bottom with a bunch of different cans, different colors, flavors, you know, additives, non-additives, who knows what. And so today the boys and I thought it would be a good journey to give as many of them as we could find a shot. Sam went to his local watering hole, aka the sheets on Route 8 here in Pittsburgh, and grabbed himself as many drinks as he could find, and we're gonna give him a test today. We're gonna rank them after we're done, give you our thoughts and opinions, and then let you do what you want with such high quality information. But before we get into it, Sam told me today, you got a special snack? I do. We'll have to eat it midway through the episode. Can't possibly be consumed this early. He said this snack was so good that we have to eat it mid-episode in order to refresh our palate after we get started on this journey of energy together. Dramatic pause. Here we go,

What Counts As An Energy Drink

SPEAKER_04 1:27

boys. Joe, what's up first? What are we where are we at? What are we doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:30

We need to classify before we get into anything. What is an energy drink nowadays? They got refreshers at Starbucks that claim to be energy drinks. That stuff's bullshit, by the way.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

You want to get fat and you want to get diabetes real quick, you go drink that shit. And the crap at McDonald's that you brought in two weeks ago. Get that out of your diet. We used to have your diet, too.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

We used to have Red Bull Monster, but that was pretty much, you know, there were a few others, but now there's two cancer. You have so much stuff. We actually couldn't find Prime, sadly. Umly in Walmart. We can't get to Walmart. It's too far.

SPEAKER_04 2:07

You can pee outside the door here and hit Walmart. If you guys are curious. The Ranger didn't, you know. R.I.P. Joe. You know what? Before we even get into it, RIP is fine. RIP Joe. Put that glass down to the Ranger.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Glass down. Yeah, it's nothing out of it.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

We missed the Ranger, man. R.I.P. was alive and walking. Sam sold his soul if you guys didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Ranger's need to be able to drive to work.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Yeah, take care of your Ranger. I did. It's like a 20-year-old vehicle.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

I actually have a cool real quick, I have a cool announcement before we get into this. We have figured out how to set up the voicemail for the episode. So if you're watching this right now, there is a link in the description where you can leave us up to a 60-second voicemail and we're going to start doing a segment on every show going forward. Listening to stories, comments, questions, concerns, but just keep it respectful, please.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

Yeah, we will vet those before the show so we're not surprised. So keep it classy, people. We know we're talking to you. Yeah, you. All right.

unknown 3:04

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

So my whole point is maybe if someone would like to tell us what their favorite energy drink was, they could leave it in the voice.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

I mean, I'll go, I'll start. I'm a millennial. I'm thirty I turned 38 the week. Actually, yeah, I turned 38 this week when this drops. And uh thanks for the happy birthday, guys. The only energy drink available when I when energy drinks hit the market was this, like I said, was this can of piss. You shut your mouth. Red Bulls are great. Red Bulls are garbage. Absolutely terrible. Don't you do the business and the brand? Elite. Don't don't you know? I love Red Bull. I love everything like that. Joe, you've I've had more vodka Red Bulls in one night in one night than you've had in your entire life combined times four.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

It's phenomenal.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

I'm glad you buried your palate out. You didn't say that. No, it's all removed the taste for the Red Bulls. It is your fault. And I actually didn't blame you for anything, so I don't know why that statement even came out of your mouth.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

It came out because you were trying to compare a volume of Red Bull vodkas compared to you overdid it. That's okay. No, they're pissed. They're disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 4:07

The seasonal is great. I've never even thought to drink a seasonal one. Well, maybe this might change you. Do you drink seasonal Budweisers? They don't make such a thing. They do. They do. They do. They make Bud Light Lime, they make Bud Light Mango, they make all kinds of things.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

They make Bud Light mango. I do like the lime. That's icy late, sorry. They did do a nitro a couple years ago. I enjoyed that. They did the 1883 repeal reserve. I enjoyed that.

SPEAKER_04 4:31

So okay, so basically what you're saying is you have no loyalty to the original. You're the guy that will go and get a bunch of shit on his pizza, right? Because you don't you don't believe in tradition. See, like to me, when you say Red Bull, this is it. When you say Red Bull, that's it. There's nothing else. They don't have when you look at their branding on the Red Bull uh F1 cars or anything, Pastrana does all that. It doesn't look like this can. It looks like this. Why? Because there's only one thing that comes to mind when you say Red Bull, and it's that. Yeah, but don't give me shit because I don't consider this to be anything. Try it today. Yeah. Maybe a new man after that. No. So Red Bull for me is the it's piss. It tastes terrible. I'll never, I will never drink a Red Bull in my life ever again. Voluntarily. That has no alcohol. Get the funnel. No, I mean, like, we're if we weren't doing this segment, that would not go go in my mouth.

unknown 5:28

What?

SPEAKER_01 5:29

It's just gross, dude.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

I wouldn't drink a regular one anymore.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

You know what I like though about like Red Bull and even just some of the older energy drinks? They're just normal, like there's caffeine, some B vitamins, maybe some taurine. That's it. Yeah. Now I feel like they almost market them like this one. It's like a health beverage.

SPEAKER_04 5:46

You didn't even get any, but like have you looked at the list on a ghost energy? Yeah, yeah. And you can't drink that. No, I had a ghost energy once. I thought I was on a different planet. You guys used to crush those. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

That was like Swedish fish. I love those.

SPEAKER_04 5:59

I love gummy fruity gummy. You're like, grab me one from cheetah. And then I hit I hit the whole can like way too fast. And I literally I was sitting there and I was like, my eyeballs twitching. And I'm like, I'm naturally energetic. I'm like, but what's going on with me right now? It's like pain in my chest. Like, I gotta build a freaking, I gotta build some stupid TikTok thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

I'm like, that's what C4 would do to me. See, I used to drink C4 uh in college when I played football, and it was just like I'd go to the gym and down one like every night, and I used to like uh I wouldn't sleep at night and I never knew why. Then I started like terrible. You know, so I cut the C4s out. They made tingly jittery shake.

SPEAKER_04 6:45

Yeah, I mean I grew up in the era of jack 3D pre-workout, which was just basically like cocaine, as close as it could be in a can, and it was legal. So like I've never done cocaine, but I I imagine it's like doing C4 back in 2001. Um that's what because of that, like I just stay away from energy drinks. I only have had energy drinks in the last 18 months. I was like no, I wasn't like out partying trying to like stay awake. And I stopped doing it at the end of last year because I was like, man, I am exactly like Joseph Fed. So categorically, the only thing I'll touch now is what what do you think in category wise? Because I would say we've got zero calorie and then full gasoline.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Yeah, I mean, like, but you go through these and what would you consider a soda with caffeine in it? Like, is it Celsius or something?

SPEAKER_04 7:34

I don't even know what the soda soda is, but caffeinated pop, I don't think any of these are those. I I would say the full throttle.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

This is a pop? There's not I mean it's an energy drink, but there's not that much in it. There's probably the least amount of stuff. Stuff in it. I think it's literally just caffeine and B vitamins. You sure about that? I I said compared to everything here.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

I mean, here's a good question. You're on a job site, which one are you grabbing in a store out of all of these? 100% of the time. That's an acceptable answer.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

That's it, that's it. There's nothing that's the king.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

What about the regular monster? Nope. Get that shit out of here.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

They're also gross. What? A lot of that's gross. No, it's not, it's an import. What does that have to do with it? Not that doesn't make it not gross.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

It's a monster import, right? If I said it with a little more possessed. What what makes it is imported from where? Germany, maybe. I think it is Germany. Wait. So that makes it better?

SPEAKER_04 8:28

And look at the look at the I Joe. I think we've been had a rug pulled over our eyes. Before we even get into it, Sam may be the least American man I've ever met. What are you talking about? You love everything about foreign country stuff.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

He's well, we are all European immigrants. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Yeah, I love America. Yeah, I want my piss water made in the United States or at least hidden from being made somewhere else that told me it's from the United States.

SPEAKER_05 8:53

But then I love it's. You're like, it's imported. It makes it good. No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

That's not how that works.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Well, on a lot of things, that's how it works. No! It has like a nice ring to it when you say, like, oh wow, it's an import. Like, oh dear.

SPEAKER_04 9:05

You're like, no, it's imported. It has mold on it because it sat in a shipping container for 10 months still before it got here. Look at that revolutionary lid though. You don't have to cut it. All right, so so what categories do you want to do? Because I don't think any of these are pop, Joe.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

Okay, well then they're not pop. I mean, did are any of them supposed to be pop? No, I was asking. I feel like we tote the line very closely to some of them being pop. I don't know about any here, but you can get a lot of stuff. It's just way more caffeine than they did.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

So like I think a pop normally is like what 50 grams? Yeah, some or less, maybe. 50 milligrams of caffeine. We're looking at this. Sorry, it's a very long list of things that aren't supposed to be adjusted. I want to meet that graphic design. The full throttles are like easy drinking. This is 160 milligrams. So like I feel like an energy drink has to be like a hundred plus. Yeah. Because a cup of coffee, I think, is what, 50 to 75? Yeah. And like that's like the that's like the world standard

Brand Loyalty And Marketing Power

SPEAKER_04 10:00

for caffeine.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

So forget ranking them. When did energy drinks become people's people's personality traits? I feel like people are loyal to brands of energy drinks. Like myself, I've drank Celsius for years. I recently quit drinking them, but it came out.

SPEAKER_04 10:14

You just jumped right on that.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Jake Paul. I jumped on after all the stuff about heart problems came out. They fixed the formula and then I got on it. But the formula.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

The formula's been altered now.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

I got on after the post bullshit. But I feel like you love white monsters. You're like, you're attached to those. Pull it, you're on a different man. You drink whatever that gives you buzz.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

I don't have like a die or literally is the least loyal man ever.

SPEAKER_05 10:42

You prove it every episode.

SPEAKER_04 10:45

You obviously loyalty to that red. You're loyal to one thing. And that's your woman. Nothing else in life. You're not wrong. Nothing else in life. You're like, I'll drink whatever energy drink you give me, whatever beer you got, whatever cigarette, meal, hoogie sub. I'll use whatever tools.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

You're smoking just the straight. Tim doesn't smoke, by the way, guys.

SPEAKER_04 11:06

We just love acting like he does because his personality could be so good if it was just ripping carts off. Well, this video gets a hundred thousand views.

SPEAKER_05 11:14

I will start smoking.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

That's the hook right there. That's our next t-shirt. I'm gonna let eight on this video, man. I'm gonna Mr. Beast this shit. I'm dumping at least 500 bucks into the views.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

You're done, boy. As long as I can smoke on the episode, I'll just oh. Sigs inside. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

We can go outside. We'll get like a we'll take a camera out. And just be in the retention pond. We got a fan of the one or something.

SPEAKER_05 11:40

A fan. Go to that bathroom and turn it in.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

Alright, we're getting super distracted here. Brand loyalty is a thing specifically in the energy world. And it's because I think both of these brands did such a good job, Red Bull and Monster, early on of being a brand with an energy drink that you know that happened to be their prime product. And it was also huge in like esports before before they hit mainstream. I remember back in the day with like not I said esports, I meant extreme sports. Yeah. BMX snowboarding, roller, but all that Red Bull, Monster were all over it. And so like if you were in a motocross and you were in that world, you that's where you lived with those energy drinks.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Would you buy a Red Bull with it? Well, I could have either got a coupon for 10 Red Bulls or that check, and I just wanted to have the check just to frame it. Did you frame it? No, I lost it. I was like that. This is the most Sam thing ever. I was like 13 when it happened. I was like, oh, I'll jump on this. Like this is hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

I want my $2.17. Yeah. I feel like they were always in a battle, like Red Bull and Monster for the extreme sports. It was always like who's repped by who. I feel like Monster for a while was crushing it. But I don't know what happened where Red Bull just kind of took off with their marketing.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

I feel like Monster is a very like their branding and everything about it is very millennial. Like it feels like a mid-2000s energy drink. And I feel like the super like loud, like there's eagles and flames and like the all that shit. Like I feel like that killed in the early 2000s, but now everyone wants like the science lab, like, oh, there's no tropics in here to actually help you think better and do what it's like. Or like this is just straight caffeine, you know. So I I Red Bull, we should drink one of these while we talk.

SPEAKER_04 13:22

Red Bull, Red Bull did a great job, I think. I'm just like laying out. So hold on. Categorically, let's get the sugar-free from the fully loaded. I think all the sugar ones. No, we've got 230, 110, we've got 10. So anything sub-10 sugar wise or calorie-wise. Because that's a I think feel like for me, that's the big distinction that has to have all the sugar, the NAS. It's like NAS is actually you can run your you can run your ranger off of that. I swear to God. Um wow, these are all sugar free. So like I feel like that was a massive shift in the market when they started coming out with like sugar-free or or zero cal or like sugar. Because then you're like, you don't feel as guilty because like you pound this thing, you're getting 230 calories and a heart attack. Yeah. Coming from either side, from the diabetes or from the energy itself.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

You know, Red Bull, I feel like too, they started really doing insane shit and spending money that monster wouldn't. Like they had a dude jump from space. They they started doing crazy.

SPEAKER_04 14:19

They started assimilating themselves with doing things that were like counterculture almost. And and remember, this was the jackass era. So like you guys are a little young for that, but you you got the you got this ancillary jackassery. Like I was a kid when that stuff came out, and it was so friggin'. What are you what are we taking shit?

Red Bull And Monster First Impressions

SPEAKER_04 14:38

What the f are you doing? Someone bring me a bucket. We need a little swig. Now get it in a chest. This is one ounce depot bucket. I'm not drinking an ounce of 14 different energy drinks. 700 milligrams of caffeine.

SPEAKER_02 14:53

We all had coffee this morning.

SPEAKER_04 14:55

I've had three coffees.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

I've had a coffee. Hey, coffee.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

You get that one. I did this smell. I hate it so much. Uh I have had so many shots of this. Absolute. So I was never a fan of the RBV. I only drank them to stay away.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

What does this smell? It smells like medicine.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

It smells like a cheap bar in the south side. It smells like my 20s.

unknown 15:17

Come on, man.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

Smells like all of my ex-girlfriends. It just keeps coming back to me.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

Oh man, that that'll punch you in your face. I feel like it's hitting right. This feels it tastes watered down for some reason.

SPEAKER_03 15:33

I've never seen it. No, it doesn't taste like I just don't want it.

SPEAKER_04 15:39

I don't want those memories. I don't want that taste. Red Bull for me if I'm putting how many do we have here? We have four or five. We have like fourteen. We have twelve. Right?

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Two, four, six, eleven, ten, and twelve.

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Twelve, two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve. Okay, so we got twelve. So brand-wise, Red Bull two for me. Flavor wise, Red Bull. I guess we're gonna have to come back to it.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

I'd say like on a flavor, it's you're not drinking it for flavor. It's a four out of three, four out. Two's probably not far off, but it's like uh if you want to be awake, you're drinking a Red Bull. See, I couldn't disagree more.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Like, I feel like it's not like I'd rather take this over like the like this one's like Jolly Rancher flavored.

SPEAKER_04 16:27

Like, I feel like all the It literally tastes like lab juice. It is lab juice. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Why would you want to drink lab juice when you can trick yourself by drinking a Jolly Rancher? These are all lab juice, but I would appreciate not being lied to and being like, this is a non-discredible lab juice. This one, it's like, oh, we're gonna make your dreams come true. It's blue Jolly Rancher flavored, buddy. No, it's not. It's more lab juice, just like the Red Bull. The Red Bull is good. It's simple, the branding's simple. I don't know. I just it's clean. You know exactly what you're getting. It's the Coca-Cola of energy juice.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

I couldn't disagree more. What? There's so many better flavors out there of different energy juices. We haven't had the seasonal yet. I haven't had the seasonal yet.

SPEAKER_04 17:06

Have you ever had to drink your own urine? I hear it's it reminds me of Red Bull. Alright, we need a bucket so I can dump this shit out. Jeffrey! There you go. Behind you, there's a coffee mug that you I think is it empty? Are you gonna finish all of them?

SPEAKER_02 17:19

What?

SPEAKER_01 17:21

That's not that bad.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Like before the next one? We're not gonna finish all of them.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Well, you're gonna finish. Every shot we're gonna take?

SPEAKER_02 17:27

Yeah, what do you mean? We gotta. You're built different, kid. Okay. What do you mean? We're he's hopefully he's not gonna pour as heavy of a pour going forward. Hopefully not. Well, you can't trust this man as far as you can throw it. You're banned from pouring. All right, well, what's what's next, pull? Um What the f is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 17:43

You knuckleheads didn't, so you didn't get a sugar-free Red Bull, so we can't even compare it to that. This is sugar-free's so much better, too. This is such a convolution. Sugar-free sugar-free Red Bull bang. I think I think we can agree moving forward. We have to stop sending Sam to get anything. There was no thought in this at all. There's plenty of sugar-free. But we need the comparison. It's side by side. Open that crap. Full gas monster. Oh, we're on one today. I don't actually know if I've ever had one of these, but I will say this. When I was playing in the NFL, Monster released their rehab line. Okay? Their rehab line. And if you've never had a monster rehab, that is the direct. That's my go-to energy drink all the time because it's made with like real things. It's like they have an iced tea lemonade that's super solid, and you still get a nice little jolt of energy. I don't think it's as much as this. Um, but I'm a big fan of the monster rehab.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Now, now the only thing I will say about monster, isn't monster supposedly a sperm killer?

SPEAKER_04 18:39

I need it. I swear I need it. I need more of my sperm toxics. I'm on TRT. Give me more monster every day now. Oh wow. That kind of smells like it smells like the Red Bull.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

It smells like an old beer. Yours isn't clean.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

It's sweeter than Red Bull. See, that's what it's still really good. I don't like the the sugar. It is a lot sweeter.

SPEAKER_04 19:02

Man, that'll punch you in your d- It's it's physic. I I just can't believe you're like it's really good. Like that tastes like shit.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

I don't know. I don't know if if if the red star, dude. If we're owning any of these, no, there's one in there.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Actually, there's a couple there's I I like the taste of. Alright, quick break.

Sponsor Break And Coffee Versus Cans

SPEAKER_04 19:20

If you guys are actually looking for some great energy and you don't want to drink any of the stuff we're drinking here on this episode, you've got to check out First Forms Megawatt. If you're looking for a pick-me-up in the middle of the day or just like a good clean energy source pre-workout, can't beat it. And I gave it a shot. And to be honest, I don't have the eyeball twitch, I'm not like feel like I'm scratching my face off, I'm not sweating like ridiculously. It's just a great product and it gives you nice, stable, consistent energy. 100% worth checking out. So if you want to check out First Form, any of their products, if you use the link firstform.com forward slash slightly above average, we've got that for you down below. First form is actually giving you guys five free protein meatsteaks that automatically just get populated to your cart. And not to mention, if you don't like it, you can send it back and they're gonna give you 110% refund. So you literally have nothing to lose. Really love the megawatt when you're looking for energy. You can't beat it. Now, let's get back to this ridiculousness. But like I'm taking coffee over that all day. Like, there's not a world where I would ever drink one of these before a coffee. Oh, I I agree with you, but unless it's a hot day, like a real hot day. I don't even care. I'm I'd rather drink a coffee and sweat than drink a energy drink. Uh the only reason I drink energy drinks is because it takes more time to drink the coffee. To make a coffee, that's good. Unless you're freaking loaded with a Maxwell house like you are 24-7. Maxwell House.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

And uh you ever had Maxwell House cold like on ice?

SPEAKER_01 20:40

It's so gross. It's terrible. Don't ever talk about Maxwell House like that much. All right, what do we got? What do we got next?

SPEAKER_04 20:46

Uh what are we doing with these, by the way?

SPEAKER_02 20:49

He's putting them over.

SPEAKER_04 20:50

No, I mean like are we ranking them after?

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Oh yeah, yeah. After at the end, we're gonna go through and do uh we'll put them on a tier list.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

So this is a Red Bull ice.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

What would you guys give that on flavor scale? Uh out of ten. We're going out of ten for this round. Out of ten? Yeah. Ten's being best? That's what you set the precedent.

SPEAKER_04 21:06

I was putting it at number ten.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

You're putting it at two. You put uh what's it called? Red Bull at two. For branding. For flavor.

SPEAKER_04 21:14

For flavor, it's at the bottom.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

Yeah, two.

SPEAKER_04 21:16

So I was like, if I was ranking all of these out of twelve. Let's go all out.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Let's go all out of ten. Just one to ten.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

We'll do how we did the uh the monster is an elite brand. If we're ranking that part, which I do think has to be equated. Like, I don't think Monster and Red Bull survive just straight up from a flavor standpoint or a quality of ingredient standpoint. If they're just do if they didn't have the branding.

unknown 21:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:38

They're not good. Like you're the only insane person I know that thinks they're good.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Yeah, but I do agree. I don't think any of these energy drinks are the the No I do.

SPEAKER_04 21:45

I think some of them are flavor wise or crushing. Like like Ghost Energy and like the guys at like Just Works, like they're like actually making flavors that are good. Yeah. They just taste like nostalgia. Like they're doing like they're a mount ghost released a Mountain Dew and a root beer. Uh AW Root beer. Like they're like. That sounds terrible. Those have been around for a hundred years, though. Like those flavors. Like they win. This is this isn't like lab.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

So what? What's your score? Just give it a score. Nine. Alright, we'll skip the scoring. We'll just taste it in the end. All right. Sorry. No scoring.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

We'll save it for the end. I don't like the taste of Red Bull or Monster at all. So I'm putting that.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

What's the highest? 10? We don't have we're not doing the scoring anymore. Why? We're just gonna because we're gonna do it on the tier list

Celsius, C4, And Flavor Wars

SPEAKER_02 22:30

after. It's too complicated. Fine.

SPEAKER_04 22:32

Let's get a sugar-free one. Let's let's get it going. Let's get to Joe's favorite. Celsius. So we got a what a sparkling orange here. Isn't that the worst flavor? It is. Yeah. That's why I said we can't send him any. Kiwi guava isn't.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

They have some no fizz flavors, of course, they just dropped after. I've heard the no fizz is good. They have like the some uh mango lemonade flavors that the bang apparently.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

I will say selfie with this like top tier with the flavors. Smells like put it in your body.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Come on, take it in. Take a whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

That's not bad.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

That's smooth.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

That's not bad. There you go.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Get you some.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

Yep. They're so good. Their food scientists are so good that even their artificial flavors, I'm like, if it feels like there's a hint of something real in here. I know there's not. I know there's zero chance of it. This is all science, but it tastes like I just ate an orange.

SPEAKER_04 23:29

That's so crazy that they were able to reboot it.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Welcome to the lab, Pola. And they've got all the claims on there.

SPEAKER_04 23:33

I just love that Sam is over here telling me that Red Bull's good, and then drinks that and tells me that's also good. I'm like, they're not even on the same planet.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

I mean, this is this is good. It's I would say it's a little better than Red Bull in a different way, though. They're a different category.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

A little better than Red Bull? That's a lot better than Red Bull flavor-wise. You're drunk.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

It's not even noon. It's Friday. Which one are we?

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Roll the tape from that episode.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Golly.

SPEAKER_04 24:03

We gotta do iced vanilla berry. You bought them, dude. Don't sit here and complain about the options. You bought them. I never complained. I'm excited for the iced vanilla berry. If I have a heart attack, make sure you just kick me as hard as you can in the face. I want to I want people to think I got knocked out cold and just died.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

At least it's actually blue like the can. Of course it is. It's always terrifying when you open it a colored can and it's just clear. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

It's supposed to be like that's artificial dye. Oh wow. It's just another thing we shouldn't be drinking. This one, it it kind of reminds me of like a it smells like Red Bull mixed with a frickin' uh push pop.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Oh, it's like a it smells like a push-pop, man. That's nuts. Like a snow cone.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

It's really tart. Mm-hmm. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_05 24:49

What the? No, Joe. Joe, no!

SPEAKER_00 24:53

I don't like that one. That was fing terrible. Come on, man. Holy Vanilla B. No, not for now.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

I feel like I just ate a unicorn shit. Dude, like if you ate unicorn shit, that's what that is.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Do an AI graphic of you eating unicorn shit.

SPEAKER_04 25:09

You don't even have to. You can just take the squatty potty commercial out of Joe's mouth.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

That is what that is. Please don't, Tom. If you do that, Tom. Go ahead, do that.

SPEAKER_04 25:17

I'll give you the proof. Tom, we need this. Yeah, yeah. Two votes to one. That one doesn't do it for me. I think we should stay, though, in like that blue kind of a vein. Let's let's go with the just work next.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

It's just work, man. We drank these so much. These things are so fire. They're so good, but we like burnt out on my palace burnt.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

You guys burnt out. This is a good one.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

We were drinking two a day. Three a day. Sam would drink three a day sometimes. I have self-control. I remember I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

I do. I haven't had one of these since December. We were drinking these. All three of us are knocking out anyone at self-control. I was having one a day.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

I know my limits. Dude, Jeff would get bored and be like, I just had my fourth just work today. That's not the Jeff's on here. Jeff, that's like 800 milligrams of capsules.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

So this smells so much better than that Red Bull. I mean, it blows that Red Bull. For me, it's like sweet. I also love slushies. Like, love them. It does smell just like a blue eye.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Now, that's a better version of that Red Bull, Pola.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

It is good. It's not bad. It's way better. I have yet to have one I don't like. But like I said, we just had too many of these. Like that flavor. He just confirms it there. You make no sense.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

You are you've liked every single one, man. Can you dislike something? I think there's even if it's fake. I think you can dislike something.

SPEAKER_04 26:43

You can't offend a brand for the but he wants all of them to sponsor him at some point.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

There's a couple here I know I'm gonna have an issue with. I'm just gonna listen to it.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

See, I love the nostalgic kind of flavor play on it, right? I think it tastes close to the icy. It's solid. And actually, I think they collabed with icy. They did. And what are we at? 200 milligrams of caffeine. I can't read. Where are you at? Where are you at? Where are you at? Nope, still can't read. They do all of these brands do a good job. 200 milligrams. I can. That'll get you juicy. That's what I'm saying here. Juicy. This is so far. Yeah, I think that that's out there.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

That and Celsius are like top two right now.

SPEAKER_04 27:23

See, I think that blows Celsius out of the way. The thing about for me for the Celsius is the Celsius is trying to be like subtle and healthy, which I'm not a fan of. Like, I don't want you to try to trick me into drinking an energy drink. I know I'm putting straight terribleness in my body. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_02 27:39

Alright, John. Before we go any further, we have to take a break. Um when I say take a break, it's time for the snack segment. If we do one more, that's halfway. Then we can do snack segments. How many said we have? We have 12.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

We've had five. Oh, there's five over there. Okay, sorry. I want because I want to go back to back with that Jolly Rancher after the icy. I need you know what I'm saying? I want to get uh I'm gonna get both of them on the palette so we can go side by side.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

See, now we're heading into the territory I feel like I'm gonna have an issue with.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

I'm not a big fan of like these crazy flavors, but we'll see. See, it's clear. Yeah, it's terrifying to me. I also hate C4, but like I like that it's clear.

SPEAKER_04 28:21

We're gonna get the jitters regardless, Joe. That's so I will also say this. To me, blue is the worst flavored Jolly Rancher. I would much prefer the red Jolly Rancher. The cherry.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

It's smooth, man.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

It's fine. It's overly sweet. It's sweeter than the monster.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

It's smooth, though. It's like not that is it carbonated or non-carbonated? It's carbonated. It is a lighter carbon.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

You are right. It is a lighter carbonation. Do you like that? It's um that's true. It just tastes very fake. I my problem with these, like, that's I think that's honestly kind of why I like some of the older ones. Like, I can't drink this whole can. I'll get like a fourth of the way through, and like, this is just too sweet and sugary. Like, I can't finish that.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

This man stops in the middle of the state to go to a random woman's house and buy pie. But he can't finish a C4. It was Dean's dye. I will eat a whole pie.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

They didn't liquefy the shit. They weren't like, here's your liquid pie. Drink that. It's good for you, too. This is gonna make your brain work better. It's gonna give you energy. The pie? Well, there's no detrimental. No, they're not claiming anything good for you in that. Oh, are you kidding me? They said it's it's certified by the whoever the NSE is, tested and certified for professional and collegiate athletes. Yeah, man. That doesn't mean shit. You saw what collegiate athletes did to themselves? Enhanced endurance, clinically studied to fight fatigue and power muscular endurance. They're making claims. You can't say they're not making claims.

SPEAKER_04 29:56

That's a good thing. I don't know if any of that means healthy. I'm actually more confused. I was I was a collegiate athlete. I'm telling you, like I'm I'm more confused now that I read that campaign. It says sports and fitness on the front of it. All right, you got me with that. That is crystal clear. C4, you're a line sack of shit. No athlete should be. Dude, I'm I'm not gonna I've never had an energy drink in my college days. Now I got to the NFL, bro. I lived on five-hour energy. They would send me and Legersky cases. Really? Those are great. And I would just, we would have a case before every practice. I've never had one. I've always been terrified of it. Pound a five hour. Dude, I that those are my go-to. Of all the energy drinks, five hour, I'm going five hour energy before anything. Why just a little shot and you're you're up. Little shot, you're good. And they were like way more B12 for first before anything got B12 in it. They were like, yeah, we're primarily a B12 supplement.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

They have a big falling out, or something happened with them and all those.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

They did something stupid. I don't recall what it was. I haven't had one in probably like six, seven years. Stop seeing them on the shelves. There's some places, but now you just go into a gas station and it's like it's like boner or non-boner drinks that look like five-hour energy. Straight up. That's what's on the gas station. You're like, I don't know, oh, I want to get a five hour. Like, stay hard for four days. Like, what?

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Am I right? You're like, I almost grabbed one. I was like, oh, that's not a five hour.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

There's a there's a bodega down the street from me. They have all the all the the dick fills in the one. It's this, it's like a black tuxedo, and it says, Your pleasure is our business. That's a hilarious slogan. Yeah, I'm afraid to buy anything at a gas station counter now because next, we get the gauntlet of gas station. All right, all right, all right.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

Now that we're halfway through, Sam, I could use some sustenance inside of this

Birthday Snack Segment With Cake

SPEAKER_04 31:40

belly of mine.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Hold on. You want to leave the room? Yeah, we gotta leave the room. Sam, will you explain to this man what we're sure?

SPEAKER_04 31:48

You have to drag it out though. Is it a pie from Aunt Margaret's house? She's a gentleman and a scholar, but you can't tell me her sugar is any better than sugar in that.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Well, let me let me take you back in time. Hold on a second. Yeah, get yourself comfortable. Let me take you back in time to, oh, I'd say about 20 to 25 minutes ago, where you ever so rudely said, in a sarcastic tone, I might add, oh, and happy birthday to me, I guess, as if Joe and I were to do nothing for your birthday, when in fact this stat this snack segment is completely focused on your birthday. And I know that Joe is bringing it out any moment now, probably within the next 10 or 15 seconds, so that this banter could end. There it is, look at that. I don't even like cake, so it better be ice cream. You're gonna eat that fake.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

It better be ice cream. Oh, American flag, give it to me. You guys are too nice. And I'll also lean in and know that Ben probably bought both of these uh because Ben is super hyped on cakes and birthdays. I'm kidding. This is quite nice, guys. You didn't have to buy me two cakes. I don't I'm I'm on a diet, so is this a pro did Joe make this? Is this a protein ice cream cake? No, they're uh both from our local giant eagle.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

Giant Eagle? Um Giant Eagle? Giant Eagle Bakery. This is ice cream? No? Uh no, they're both cake. I know they didn't have any pies. I tried. Uh so the case. I'm much more we can have this fight some other day, but I'm much more of a pie. We we tried. It was one of those things where it was at this point, it was either that or uh like a donut, and so we went with uh the cake just for the nostalgia.

SPEAKER_04 33:26

If you ever want to win in the future, like thankfully, this isn't my 40th, you know, but for my 40th, I will expect a dairy queen ice cream cake with the chocolate crunchy center. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

We could have done that, but you know. Have you guys ever had that? Yeah. Oh, it's so good. You used to get DQ cakes as a kid growing up all the time for birthdays.

SPEAKER_04 33:45

That's all that was much my go-to.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

So you have a cookies and cream, one on your left. You have a uh sheet cake. I think it's either marble or vanilla sheet cake with that that good old processed store-bought giant eagle icing.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

Um someone actually makes those by hand every morning.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

You know that? Yeah, I know. We don't have a lighter, so you can imagine here.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

There's also not enough. Final surprise. Joe's gonna sing happy birthday to you, Marilyn Monroe style. Go ahead, Joe.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

I might not know what that is. I don't know what that is. What?

SPEAKER_01 34:13

I know what that is. Dude, JFK was a dog.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Yeah, he was. He was a dog. You gotta watch some shows on him, man. He's you watch I watched the Irishman when I was on my deathbed two weeks ago, and you just remember that the you know that the mob had him hit, and you're just like that dude was. You want a little piece of either or? I'll do the um I'll try the Oreo one. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, you guys bought it. I don't want it, but I will know that I hate everything Sam buys. We get a lot of comments, but they're like, Everything Sam buys, John hates. You just hate it. Sam Sam is a cockroach. He will live a hundred years past me because his body is capable of things that mine will never be able to.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

We tried getting them at Giant Eagle to write um. Go after self. Who wanted to write, yeah? What were you saying? Which cake does Sam want? Uh I tried getting them to write Shop Daddy on it. And they wouldn't fulfill the request. Did you actually ask me? Yes, I did. Why wouldn't they? The lady just looked very uncomfortable. She was just like, You need that today? And I was like, just forget about it. I don't I never. Which cake does Sam want?

SPEAKER_01 35:18

Uh I was giving me a slice, like a small corner of the American flag one. I wish I could have paid money to hear like just see that interaction.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I'm like, can I get something written on this cake? Yeah, what do you need? Could you have it say happy birthday, shop daddy? What do you want to do? Cut this segment out of the f podcast. Can I have a piece of the cookie cake, please? Can you get a knife? There's just no contact. Shop shades.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

I will say, my wife, uh avid cake eater. That's probably didn't come off right now. Yeah, it doesn't say my wife loves a good cake, and the giant eagle sheet cake is actually uh up there. It's not it's not a bad sheet cake at all. She always uh she grabs it for the girls and stuff all the time.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

Did you already have a piece of the cake before John did?

SPEAKER_04 35:59

I started first because his birthday.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

You're supposed to wait for the birthday boy to eat the cake. We almost bought you a ribbon that said birthday boy, but I knew you would have fing hated it. Sorry, just go do it.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

You're like, how can we make John angry?

SPEAKER_02 36:14

That's exactly what I thought.

SPEAKER_04 36:17

Daddy put your birthday boy ribbon on. Alright. I thought that was ice cream. It looked like ice cream. Apologies. I'm surprised. I guess I'm not surprised at that chocolate guy. Chocolate's pretty good. Appreciate that, boys. I'm still I'm still here, I'm still alive. I don't know if I'm thriving. No, I went to physical therapy this morning, and I was actually like, you know, they were pretty impressed with my progress so far, and you know, it made me feel young again. There you go. I was sore immediately upon leaving, and then I felt old again. And I mean I I did like 20 squats. You shouldn't be sore for 20 squats if you didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

What do you think you're talking to?

SPEAKER_04 37:12

I'm talking to the guy that works out three times a year.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

They don't call me Sam Sammy Swan or nothing.

SPEAKER_04 37:17

He changes his whole persona to it. Remember those days, Joe? When he was working out that one month he worked out.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

The way he said it was hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 37:30

It was. Come on. Sam came in, he came in shirtless one day. We're like, what are you doing, dude? He's like, look, I'm getting jacked. And we're like, oh man, that's awesome that you've been hitting the gym. Went away the next week. Speaking of getting jacked, I'm gonna take a second here to thank our sponsor this week. First form, if you're literally looking to not eat shit like this or be a POS like us, you gotta try some of the products from First Form. We'll just hard cut after you said that. There's no way First Form is gonna like this show. They don't care. He said the Red Bull's pissing first form shit. I'm not gonna lie. I I I we have the creamy over there. I've gotta make you guys you'll be blown away by how good the first form whey protein is. It turned into ice cream in that creamy. You're like, I can eat this and it's got 27 grams of protein and it's only 110 calories, and I eat the whole tub.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Why don't they just why doesn't someone just market that? Why don't they just sell protein?

SPEAKER_04 38:36

I don't think it's shelf stable in the ice cream form. People do make protein ice cream, but they gotta add a bunch of stuff to it to get the shelf stabilized. Ice cream's a ice cream's a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

Yeah, RFK has every company putting protein in everything now. As he should. I thought he was gonna take all the artificial colors out of the cereals and shit. He tried. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

Anyway, ruin the mood. Um, shall we get back to energy drinks? Poor another. Do you want me to move these cakes? Yeah, we should probably move the cakes. I was gonna tell you guys, I was I've I've I was very concerned before I got off crutches. I was gonna like blow up and balloon up and gain like 10 pounds. I lost six by like being conscious of what I'm eating. Get the other hair done now. Bring a bunch of cake in. We want them fat. We want them vulnerable. We want to make sure we can kill them at any time. We don't want them to be too mobile.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Just putting mass game or your food. Yeah, like uh like mean girls. Yeah. Is that episode of Malcolm the Middle howls in it to his wife?

SPEAKER_04 39:41

Now that is a show we can agree on, Sam. Oh, you like did you watch the the No, but I prefer the old school when you had um what's his name? Brian Cranston. Brian Cranston.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

That was a good show. So I watched that whole show like five times through at least. I did not do that, you lunatic. What is wrong with you? He was on FX when I was growing up, so it was just honestly. So was like a bunch of other shows. King of the Hill Elf. Yeah, Sons of Anarchy. Yeah, that was a that was a good one. You mon pull up. Which

Old-School Cans And High Caffeine Picks

SPEAKER_01 40:10

one? We gotta go full throttle after some cake, boys. I feel like you said this one's pop. This one's great. This one and Noss, like anytime I would like back when I was contracting, if I ever had to do like outside work and I oh wow, I've never seen the color of it before though.

SPEAKER_05 40:27

It looks radioactive.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Drink it? Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_05 40:30

This is NAS. Look at it when he drinks it. How the fuck are you drinking? It's out of the can.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

I'm like, let me get my periscope out. You know, ever spilled something by accident?

SPEAKER_01 40:42

Or spill it down my throat. It's there, these are easy drinking. You don't get like super jittery. That smells terrible.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

It smells like a uh like Mountain Dew kind of it's it smells like you mixed, okay.

SPEAKER_04 40:56

It smelled like you tried to make jungle juice in college and you mixed a bunch of like the powdery like fruits. You guys probably didn't have that much.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

Kind of jungle juice without the alcohol. You probably have that. That's that's what it smells like. Jungle juice with no alcohol. Yeah, just mixing sodas.

SPEAKER_04 41:12

That's oh, it's terrible. Oh, you're dramatic. That's the worst one you ever.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Come on, it tastes like I just drank like something hot, but it's not hot. You've been spoiled by the science beverage.

SPEAKER_04 41:28

It's like it's like it's you're drinking cold cough syrup that's watered out.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Dude, I feel in the back of my throat still, pause, but you know what I mean? Like uh What do we pause for?

SPEAKER_01 41:36

You know what? This was from a uh this was from a what this was from a period of time where an energy drink was an energy drink. There's no flavor on it. It just says full throttle. Now it's like, oh, this is a guava. Sam, you didn't get the guava strawberry.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

No one's asking for guava. I'm just asking for not bad. It just lingers in your it just lingers. This looks like if you designed an energy drink, this is what the can would look like.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

Man, my my energy drink would taste like freedom, not like that. This is not bad. That tastes that tastes like Mountain Dew's bastard stepchild. Ripped a few too many heaters and got shit faced before it's family photo. That's what a full throttle tastes like.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

Some of their ingredients are classified.

SPEAKER_06 42:16

Put that over there.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

Crack another one. No, I'm into that.

SPEAKER_04 42:20

It reminds me of my explode days. I don't even want to hear what you're gonna say about the NAS. Well, let's save the NOS for last because Sam's so hyped on it. Let's drink that, whatever that Spartan thing is. Rain. Grains usually aren't I can't believe you've tasted all these. I feel like I feel like the labels on them like turn like I don't want to put what's supposed to go in your car in my body. Yeah. So like I've never had a NAS. I've never looked at this and been like, that looks delicious. Let me have one.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

I want to drink what Vin Diesel used to always put in every car.

SPEAKER_04 42:52

He had I've been getting so many Vin Diesel short form pieces of content because they did that like press presser recently. So it's clear at least. Family. 300 milligrams of natural caffeine. 300? If you drink this, you're gonna be sweating. 300? It's got zero sugar, zero artificial flavor, zero artificial color.

SPEAKER_05 43:13

It's just caffeine. Zero fat. Like it's perfectly clear, too.

SPEAKER_04 43:19

It's only recommended for people over 18, it says on the can. I'd imagine. It smells fruity.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

It doesn't taste bad.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

No, it doesn't. And it almost tastes as good as the icy. And it's another one that's like lightly carbonated.

SPEAKER_02 43:35

I just I can't drink any more of it knowing there's that much caffeine in it.

SPEAKER_04 43:39

See, I don't think I'd want more than like a sip of it because it is I'm gonna throw that into the too sugary category. Yeah, even though there's no sugar. So whatever synthetic thing is in there. Yeah, I couldn't finish all the time. Not for me, but uh no water today. What do you do? I saw you sneak. I've been rinsing out my Yeah, you didn't know after this we're gonna uh pee in cups and we're gonna judge the color of our piss. Who's got the more nuclear piss?

SPEAKER_02 44:01

Mine's glowing more than yours. I've been doing that after every drink, just cleaning out the glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a true access.

SPEAKER_04 44:08

We'll just test our nuclear piss after this. Some sorbet palate cleanser. Let's get a let's get one that uh I actually know doesn't taste too terrible. I don't even know what that is. Let's try the Alani. Alani's like real popular. Okay, Alani's popular. Never heard of it. Have I heard of this? Actually, no, no, no. You guys made me try one on the blind taste test. Ben likes these. Ben crushes. These are for chicks, I thought. Aren't they like a lighter, more like? Yeah, it's called Dream Float. I like how Fool has stopped filling all the glasses, right? You're a terrible bartender. He just gets himself drunk and then forgets about everyone else.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

He started by filling everyone, then he went to just mine and his, and then it's just his. Why can't they just call it creamsicle?

SPEAKER_01 44:56

I feel like they maybe they are marketing it more towards like uh like like suburban moms, because that's a really approachable can. That doesn't, it's not like the full throttle one.

SPEAKER_04 45:05

Yeah, it's not it's not like dudes and caffeine. Except it has 200 milligrams of caffeine. That tastes very good. It's gluten-free, vegan, and biotin B6 and B12. It tastes good. That is really smooth.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

It's a guy, it's a really good creamsickle.

SPEAKER_04 45:20

Yeah. It's tasty. Only 10 calories, too, for the whole can. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

That's not bad.

SPEAKER_04 45:28

I wouldn't say it's delightful, but it borders.

SPEAKER_02 45:30

I couldn't drink a lot. I could drink maybe one can and then I'd be burnt out of that flavor, but like it'd be a good can. See, I like that more than Celsius, flavor-wise. Uh no, I wouldn't get it.

SPEAKER_04 45:39

I like the jitter from Celsius. You can get that, but that tastes better for sure. Celsius makes my eyeballs hurt, not twitch. I get like this burning in the back of this right eye. You should just not drink Celsius.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

I don't. I haven't had one in two years. You never get like the twitches from any of these. C4 was the only one for me, man. I used to get the jitters.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Yeah, I will say I take that back. The ghost ones before that. The ghost. Yeah, ghost.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

Unfortunately, ghost released a Yu-Hoo flavor. I want to try. The chocolate milk. Yeah. Just Yu-Hoos are super nostalgic for me. That's the only reason I want to try. I mean, like, don't get me wrong, energy drink and chocolate milk should not be together. It's not even chocolate milk, it's chocolate drink. It's not even synthetic chocolate stuff.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

You guys like the bread pillow?

SPEAKER_04 46:25

Okay, so we want to go with Nas and then the. Yeah, let's go with the Nas. Give me the Vin Diesel. Let's go. Joe. I will say this. Vin Diesel probably has, in my opinion, the coolest cars in the Fast and Furious series. Like, I his cars are I've only seen like the first.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

I bet Puller's favorite Fast and Furious was Tokyo Drift.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

I only saw the first two. 100%. I never saw it, but funny enough, my grandma used to go to the movies all the time. She knew the movies so frequently they'd run out of shit to see. I'm like, what do you see today? She's goes, Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift. I was like, oh really? I was like, did you like this?

SPEAKER_04 47:02

It smells just like that uh that that that piss missile you I will say I've never smelled it before.

SPEAKER_05 47:08

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Oh no, we can't drink this shit. We gotta can this from the episode. It's got complex six in it. Everything the human body needs. High performance energy, enhanced mental focus. I thought it said menthol for a second.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

This is the first energy drink. When I smell, I feel it in my nostrils. Yeah, this will wake you up before you even drink it. It's got taurine, caffeine.

SPEAKER_04 47:35

You don't even need to drink these. No, you don't just inhale it. I feel like you could you could soak something in this and then put it in dehydrator.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

Don't oh yeah, it's there. No! Oh my goodness, man. It's the nectar of the gods, right?

SPEAKER_02 47:52

It went from flavor to no flavor. It tastes watered down. It's almost the exact same thing as that that uh that one with the bald eagle on it.

SPEAKER_01 47:59

Yeah. The disgrace. Aftertaste is weird. It was a full throttle. They made the the six look like a turbo. Wasn't that fun?

SPEAKER_05 48:07

No. How can you use everybody or even though it's not a good thing?

SPEAKER_01 48:11

I don't even like every energy drink. I just I realize my bias. I like the ones that feel like they belong in the mid-2000s. Like those are like the bet like you can't tell me that's not taking you back.

SPEAKER_04 48:23

I will say, like, I'm a traditionalist in a lot of senses, and I can understand why you feel that way. Yeah. But energy drinks aren't something to be traditional about.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

And and not to mention, you've liked every single one. Even the ones not from the 2000s. I like these better than the newer ones.

SPEAKER_04 48:38

He likes the ones that taste like they were made in the lab just to give you energy. He's not a fan of which is wild.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Yeah. I feel like you like energy drinks to where like you had some friends over and you're playing Super Mario all night. See, we were drinking Mountain Dew. Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_04 48:52

And Gator full throttle Gatorade before they added all this.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

It just kind of tastes like some of that older flavors of Mountain Dew, some of these weird ones.

SPEAKER_04 48:59

Yeah. See, the thing is, like, I never got into Nas or C4 or any of those other ones just because Red Bull. I was never allowed to drink them. I was already an adult when they were existing.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

I didn't really start drinking them until I was like 16, 17. But whenever I was like Uber driving in college, I would just be like downing like I'd probably have like two, three energy drinks a day. Just like go and go and go. Cockroach. How are you alive?

SPEAKER_05 49:23

You are not a human, man.

SPEAKER_04 49:24

He's an alien. Wow. Three energy drinks. You weigh a buck, what, 12? 112 pounds? Pour that first form. We'll do the first we'll do that good one. Sam's 140 pounds, three energy drinks. That's insane, dude. Your heart is. You probably have the heart of a 300-pound man.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

Yeah, probably going out before any of you guys.

SPEAKER_04 49:43

Huh? Oh no, there's it's gonna be super sad when you bury me and Joe. They just wouldn't take care of themselves.

SPEAKER_02 49:51

He's ripping a dart and because that's when he'll start smoking. If you ever do attend my funeral, can you please make the promise he'll rip a dart? Oh yeah. I'll stick one in your mouth in the cast.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

The Tony stuff. Actually, Joe of my final lie. Joe used to sneak these at work every day. He never wanted you to know. His kids are just daddy, you lied my whole life.

SPEAKER_04 50:12

So, first for them, they're obviously a sponsor of the show. Um, I'm not gonna lie, I was introduced to these when I was out at their headquarters a little over a year, year or two ago. It's a newer product for them, and I'm thoroughly impressed. They are made in America, and they do try to keep them as clean as they possibly can, which I do find to be quite admirable.

SPEAKER_02 50:30

We've had two flavors, they don't sell them in stores here, but like not just because they're the sponsor. They're actually pretty solid energy drinks.

SPEAKER_04 50:37

I'm a fan. Like, I don't like grape, but these are I already know what this is. And I and no added food coloring, which I'm also a fan of.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

That red, white, and blue one. I wish we had a can left. We crushed those. Those were so good.

SPEAKER_04 50:49

You can't tell, like, so as far as like the fake fruity flavor, easily the best one.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

This is a it's a nostalgic grape. It's like the best of a grape. It's the best fruity fake flavor.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

And this one's warm. The rest of them are cold.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

I'm not gonna put this at the top, but it's up there. It's up there. I agree. They're tasty.

SPEAKER_02 51:09

I dude, they're red, white, and blue can. I'm telling you, Paula. I wish some of that.

SPEAKER_04 51:13

He did. Um I'm glad they're not here because those would be ones where I'm like. Yeah. Maybe they'll send us a I'm twitching for it, Joe. So these are the I I really like these. They actually ask us not to promote them because they're so good. But they're really good. Bold marketing strategy.

SPEAKER_06 51:34

They're like comment on it.

SPEAKER_04 51:45

I'm a new man, 38 now. You know, I'm trying to trying to be more calm in my old age while we pound energy drinks.

SPEAKER_05 51:51

I'm calm! I promise!

SPEAKER_04 51:54

Sorry, that was such an impulsive thought. I really wanted to do it. So for me, I don't even have to drink this. But you're going to. I am. These are the goat. He really stopped pouring ours. You're an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 52:06

You're closer to them.

SPEAKER_04 52:09

You are an asshole. I don't like the milky white color of it. I don't even know what they taste like at this point. But I just think they're good. They're crisp. They're Yeah, that white flavor's so good. I don't even know what the flavor is.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

I don't even know what it is. It's it's like the least like all of these other ones have so much flavor. This one's so easy to drink. Like the smallest amount of flavor in it. No aftermath.

SPEAKER_04 52:31

Whatever they did to these, they're just glorious. And then I'm saying, like, I can't argue with like the the rehabs, all they're all like um, they have fruity ones. So they have like a mango, I think it's a mango uh lemon, mango iced tea. They have uh an Arnold Palmer iced tea lemonade. Like they're smooth, just enough caffeine. I think these are probably 170 or something like that, I think. Wow fire. 150. Can't beat it.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

Cannot beat it. More and more cold. I never had these a lot, uh, honestly, until I started working here, but they're so smooth, they're just like the most easy drinking energy drink.

SPEAKER_04 53:09

They literally are. And I also love the fact that every contractor and construction meme count and person on the planet just loves them. Because like I didn't drink them until I started seeing that. I was like, I should try that. And I tried it, and I was like, it all makes sense. How about what you becha? Yeah. That dude, we first off, me, then you, you, we should be best friends. And then two, I drink white monsters because the you betcha guys.

SPEAKER_02 53:31

Speaking of contractors, I keep forgetting to tell you guys this. You guys know the reaction episode we did that that that uh what was that guy we reacted to with the jitters? The Australian dude with jitters? Yeah, he reached out, clearly has seen some of our videos. He started doing drill battles for shorts. But there's a bunch of guys doing drill battles.

SPEAKER_01 53:50

I mean, we like he just started recently. We also did copy from Wrangle Star. I think Wrangl Star was the OG. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04 53:59

I got the idea from a short from from that dude. Because I mean, if you watch the first video, we shout him out. His name was like Shuffle Muckets or something like that, right?

SPEAKER_01 54:07

C before Rang D Rangstar.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

Wrangl star wasn't intended to do it the way we did it, he was actually just trying to burn him up. He didn't throw him on the floor to explode and turn into like shards and run a whole bracket and spend seven thousand dollars on them.

SPEAKER_02 54:19

Yeah, he didn't commit, he did not commit multiple days that second time. You got your shins were bleeding.

SPEAKER_04 54:25

Yeah. Yeah, I mean we should probably run that back with just the same exact thing. You know that you have they have March Madness every year. We just do the same drills and see if a different one wins.

SPEAKER_01 54:35

That'd be great if we did like a March Madness bracket, like we release it like a week or two before the video, people could actually participate in it.

SPEAKER_04 54:42

Call us, phone it in.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

I think I'm energy drink drunk right now. Yeah. So the last thing we have to do, guys, we're gonna put these on a tier list. We're ranking

Tier List Rankings And Final Verdict

SPEAKER_02 54:50

energy drinks from L tier to D tier to see where they land. How does this sound?

SPEAKER_04 54:55

Disagree. Okay, so first off, you've got flavors on there we didn't drink, so let's get that cleaned up first.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

We obviously we're going off of just the general brand. We're not ranking the flavors.

SPEAKER_04 55:05

Joe, you've got I know that these are the most popular ones. You've got seven brands on there we didn't try. Because we don't have it readily available. Oh, we're still ranking them? Yeah. Oh, gotcha. I thought you wanted us to rank the ones we drank.

SPEAKER_01 55:17

I remember Mountain Deep kicks.

SPEAKER_02 55:19

I couldn't predict which ones we got in that far advanced. We're not that far ahead. No, we're not. We need a producer.

SPEAKER_04 55:24

Anyone want a job? Uh Red Bull. Well, just period in general. AH.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

A regular Red Bull.

SPEAKER_04 55:30

A two. Yeah, are we just ranking the brands? The drink. The drink or the brand? The drink. The drink. Why don't we rank the brands? Because Red Bull's a brand, not a drink. They're not B brands. That's why I'm asking.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

D A. B, Joe. Put it on A. It tastes like piss. Listen to him, not Joe.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

We'll go C. B is a B's fair. B's fair. We'll go B. Because I got a lot of F's. We got regular monster. Same thing. Yeah, that's fair. Rockstar. I don't even know what it tastes like. It's one of those. D, B, B, B or C. Sam's had them all. You're gonna be again. I haven't had any of these except we had today. That was garbage. Yeah, I would have D. Bang energy. Wasn't Bang killing people? Dude, Bang was bad. Wasn't it all over TikTok shop just like exploding hearts on camera? It was bad. Terrible. Celsius.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

A I think they're an S tier. Yeah, no vote for me. It's A. I would say A. Alani. It was tasty. I'll go B. Yeah, I think it was fair.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

Prime Energy D. So I like them. They sent me a couple cases. I would at least go C.

SPEAKER_02 56:41

I can't tell what this one is.

SPEAKER_04 56:46

The drink? Is that like what does that say? Ghost?

SPEAKER_05 56:53

Really? They taste so good. I mean they're gonna kill you, but they taste you said the drink. The drink is delicious! You can't argue that it's not delicious, dude! I'll settle a B tier, man.

SPEAKER_02 57:06

It's not on the same plane as a Celsius. It is. Shout out to my boy Matt Verlack.

SPEAKER_04 57:11

He's keeping Ghost Energy alive himself. Does he drink ghosts? Bro, he's he's a robot. He's fueled on ghosts. So we're leaving it A. You go B. Give it a B.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

I think they taste delish. Okay, Mountain Dew Kickstart. What is that? This one is great. Mountain Dew came out with this back in like 2015, 2016. It's an energy drink. And it's it's like they they marketed it as like an adult energy drink because it's only like a hundred milligrams of caffeine, and it's it's like a yeah, it's like it like a kid's I guess it's supposed to be like an easy drinking energy drink. That shit on D tier. No, no, no. At least see. At least see. Why is it it's just like like it's like I said, it's not gonna punch you in the face, but it's also not like a soda with a lot of things.

SPEAKER_04 57:53

I don't want an energy drink that's teasing me with energy. I want that energy drink to punch me in the face. You could have a coffee and then sip your mouth and do kids. Oh, just give me more coffee then.

SPEAKER_02 58:01

Throw shot double shot of espresso, tall coffee. Let's go. See it is just throw this, Tom edit this out. Throw this one on D tier. I don't know how it made it in here. Uh up next we have 3D energy. What is that? I don't know. It's a energy drink. Get it off the list. Okay, these are the fun ones. Monster Java. Those are better than you would think they are.

SPEAKER_04 58:21

Is that a we could uh okay? I feel like it's canned coffee. Is it actually an energy drink? Yeah, it is. It's considered an energy drink, not canned coffee.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

It's not like canned coffee because the canned coffee I think is terrible, but this it's just like it's an energy. Hold on! He finally says something's terrible and it's canned coffee. Yeah, like I can see that starbucks. What is wrong with you? That's one of those, like the energy drinks, they have to be made with chemicals and preservatives.

SPEAKER_04 58:46

Pause this episode. Send someone to sheets right now to buy a can of Nitro Colbrew Starbucks. And I pour that shit out, and you're gonna love it. Guarantee it. Because I know you love cold brew and I know you love it on nitro.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

Well, but okay, the plain coffees are different. If it's a plain black coffee, that's more.

SPEAKER_04 59:02

No one puts a plain black coffee in a can. They mix it with a bunch of like milk and dump shit. Yeah, I don't want that shit. Yeah, I don't want that either. Okay. So this is not that. I've never had one.

SPEAKER_02 59:10

No, it's an energy drink that tastes like coffee.

SPEAKER_01 59:12

It's like yeah, it's like you-hoo. Why you gotta confuse me like that? You would think it's so bad. I was against trying these for years. I tried one. I was like, this honestly.

SPEAKER_04 59:22

What would you put? Domino's pizza.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

I don't like Domino's pizza. Where would you put it? It's coming out today. Uh I'm gonna say C.

SPEAKER_02 59:30

Stop stroke. C, C's fine.

SPEAKER_04 59:33

Uh Starbucks double shot. So, like, I prefer the just give me a if I'm on like a if I'm on a road trip and I don't want to be like sweating while I'm just sitting in the car and I don't want to drink one of those. I'm getting that. As long as it's black and there's no mixed stuff in it, like I'll buy a double can of cold coffee.

SPEAKER_02 59:50

Well, this isn't even can, this is like their energy drink.

SPEAKER_04 59:52

Yeah, they've I don't understand. I always thought it was canned coffee. It is, but obviously they gotta throw preservatives, some sort of preserves in the colour. They're gonna go more caffeine in it. Like preservatives, it's just water. There's milk in there. No, no, no. I'm I only drink the ones with no milk. So you're right for the ones with milk. Like I'm saying, you can get a canned coffee that's just like double shot with nothing in it. The one that's only like 10 calories.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:16

The one I like the best, if you ever had the stock cold brew ones, yes, those are phenomenal. I'll choose the.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:22

I've got a we anyway. Where would you guys rank this?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:24

Get on the list. Get out of here.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

Take its jacket.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:28

Put that on the D tier, too. We have nothing on the S tier.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Don't put that on the D tier, Joe.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:32

It's terrible. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:35

Joe, go on go on to the Gemini Google. They got rid of Goo, by the way. Did you hear see that yesterday? It was a huge announcement. They're getting rid of Google search. Is that what you sent me?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:44

Yeah, I was telling you about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:44

You sent me that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:45

You sent me like seven a day.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:46

I told you the stuff they were launching. Yeah, the Gemini agent. Sorry, the same article. Anyway, go get a picture of this. Drag that up to S tier. White monster. Yes. I'll be cool with that at S tier. It's the only one deserving. It's the king. It holds the crown. No one will argue it. No, it's like the coconut. No one will argue. I mean, we could probably go stand at the sheets and ask anyone going in if it's the goat, and they'll tell you it's the goat. They literally have three rows. I will also say this, even though they're new, I'm putting first form who's not on there at A. I think they came out the gate super hard. That that American flag one joke.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

The American flag one's A. I'd say the grape's more of a B tier, but like I would have the grape over all the stuff on the B tier. 100%. If that makes sense. Yeah, it's A minus. A up, but like that, that red, white, and blue one was it was A.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:34

It's almost as good as a white monster. Yes. We need them. By the way, first one, bring those to Pittsburgh, please. Thank you. Appreciate it. You know what else? So I'm going to give a couple honorable mentions here where they're due, right? Jocko goes. We've had those in here in the shop before. I'm not a big fan. See, Jocko went, I actually would consider them more of a health conscious energy. Like they're not, I don't think they're plowed full of garbage. I would believe that because I I believe they're healthier because the flavors, I feel like the flavors are not there. They're solid. Like if you're willing to sacrifice flavor for less junk in it, I think they deserve an honorable mention. And I'd put them on like B or C tier for me. And then uh and then we did uh the just works too. The just works are tasty, man. I think that's an A-tier energy drink, my personal preference. I agree with you. I've never had a flavor I didn't like.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:23

That's the first energy drink I've enjoyed and I could drink a ton of outside of Celsius in a long time. Like I could crush Celsius every day. A lot of the other ones, it's like I have it one tier.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:33

When are we getting that tattoo? What tattoo? The Celsius tattoo.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:36

Yeah, when are you guys getting it from that punishment you lost?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:38

No, you're getting it. You're getting it. A sign of loyalty. Then we're gonna get a lifetime sponsored.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:43

Once they sponsor me, then I'll get a tattoo. Would you do that? Would you say sponsored?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:48

Yeah, I'd be a Celsius tattoo. What if it was pay me money? Tap me up right here. Celsius.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

Other brands? The general? Who? The general? No, not the general. But I'd do the general. General car insurance. Someone did that? I'm saying would Joe do it? Could it be with any brand?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:05

I I would endorse Celsius because I actually use it and believe in their product.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:08

All right, I'm sweating. I need to eat some real food. Boys, this has been fun. Uh the goat, white monster, reigning supreme, once again. Uh if you guys got an opinion on it, you have the hotline now. Let us hear about it. Keep it succinct, keep it classy, uh, and we'll hear you on the next episode. Love you guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:27

Peace.