Slightly Above Average Podcast

We Ranked Every Major Pizza Chain

• John Malecki, Sam Poola, and Joe Meinert • Episode 26

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We’re ranking every major pizza chain in America to figure out which ones are actually worth your money. Let’s be honest: your favorite pizza place usually has less to do with quality and more to do with childhood nostalgia, what zip code you live in, or a series of bad decisions made after 11 PM. To settle the debate once and for all, we’re throwing them all on an S-to-F tier list—judging the crust, the value, the consistency, and what you should actually be ordering from each one.

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Dumpster Dive Origins And Pizza Love

SPEAKER_02

Do I ever tell you guys I used to dumpster dive for little Caesars? Yes. Horrible. They still around CC? No. Five bucks. Oh, there's no way your business model is gonna stay around. A straight up assembly line of pizza domination. So if you know anything about me and the boys, you know we love three things uh unequivocally. Freedom, football, and food. Today we're talking food, and we're talking one of the most important food conversations to ever hit the world, and that is pizza. I my myself am an avid pizza eater. I've eaten a lot of pizzas. Um, Sam is just getting into the life of pizza. He, for some reason, was adamantly against it for a long time. And uh Joe's Italian, so you know, take a guess there. Uh jokes aside, uh, we were chatting about it a few weeks ago, and we thought it'd be a great episode to dive into kind of the world and life of uh fast food pizza chains. We're gonna be ranking them, giving you our thoughts and opinions. Um, myself and Joe have got into pizza making. Sam's on the verge. We think we're gonna convert him, we think we're gonna get him pretty soon. He's baking pies, he's he's smoking a little bit of meat. We think we can get him in the world.

SPEAKER_04

You just gotta pour a concrete pad first, and then you're allowed to make pizzas.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we'll fully commit to being a town. Leave it to the pros. You can become a pro. So, yeah, so uh with you know my life being consumed by cooking at this point, I don't know. I feel like all I do is cook and then work. It's not a bad life. We're gonna be talking crusts, we're gonna be talking hydration rates, we're gonna be talking toppings, chain. I think we're just gonna dive into some chains. Joe, why don't you why don't you break it down for the people?

What Makes Chain Pizza Good

SPEAKER_04

Starting out, what makes a chain pizza actually good? Like when you're going through a late night or whatever the circumstance might be, what makes you pick that pizza chain? Is it the style of pizza?

SPEAKER_02

That's so hard for me because I I can't tell you last time I defaulted to a chain.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, so some of the topics we have are crust, sauce to cheese ratio, topping value, consistency, delivery versus having to go pick it up and carry out, and then if they are they open late past 11 p.m.

SPEAKER_03

I think the only thing that truly matters with any sort of chain food is just the consistency. If you're able to go to one location and another one that's like 20 minutes down the road and get the same exact pizza, and I feel like with the shiftier chains, you uh you get you get a little uh variance in consistency.

SPEAKER_02

I will corroborate that. I agree. I mean, I think if I'm if I'm going chain anything, it's because I know what I'm getting. I don't want any mystery. I'm not trying to guess and get new stuff. I'm just like, you know what, tried and true. I've had it before, give it to me. But that's also like I'm not going with the wacky shit, right? Yeah. I'm I'm getting pizza. The normal. I'm getting a pepperoni pizza. But I'm getting back in the day, it would be like bacon. You know, bacon on everything was like a thing when I was uh the bacon movement. Oh yeah, I get a bacon pizza from dominoes.

SPEAKER_04

I could tell it's nominoes.

SPEAKER_02

But like I I I think that as I've gotten older, wiser, and and just more educated than I want to be in regards to food, pizza, and like the that world, I think one big thing for me now is like even though I know it's probably sat on a boat or in a truck traveling across the world and country, like I how fresh does it feel or taste to me? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like like Little Caesars to me, it feels just like I'm getting a pizza off a conveyor belt. Like they pulled that shit frozen, stuck it on an oven, ran it out there. Now, if that's the expectation I have for the evening, I'm getting paid off 100%. Like I'm gonna love it. Same thing if you go to like I don't know, like I think the last chain pizza I've had, guys, is seriously it was like Chuck E. Cheese. That's because I was there with my kids. Banger, it was not banger anymore.

SPEAKER_01

It used to be

Nostalgia Chains And Pittsburgh Standards

SPEAKER_01

like back in the day, they're back in the day slab. Exactly. Back in it, it had a you ever hear the theory about that? It was built up. What's the theory? Of course I haven't.

SPEAKER_04

Welcome to this episode of Conspiracy Theories with Paula.

SPEAKER_03

There is a conspiracy theory. If you look it up, when you get a Chuck E. Cheese pizza, the thing never comes whole, it's always pre-sliced. And people have done some research saying that they might reuse old slices. Like if someone doesn't wash a pizza, they'll like stuff it in there. What? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

That is deplorable behavior. Chuck E. Cheese is a scary place now, dude.

SPEAKER_03

By the way, I've never been to one.

SPEAKER_02

There's no like ball pits, there's no community play pits, it's just a bunch of games dinging and binging and panging and wanging and doing whatever they do, and then like uh a communal dance floor where Chucky just stands there and dances, and then like kids are just scared of him with tables around.

SPEAKER_03

It's kind of a wild concept, just like a casino for kids. Yeah, except they don't win anything.

SPEAKER_02

So, like I don't know. So I I remember I remember the transition for me. So I was the only chain that I've ever been like adamantly bought into was Domino's. Okay. And it was just there was no chains around when I grew up. There was a local chain called Foxes, but I don't think they have that around.

SPEAKER_04

Foxes, yeah. The oh they had some great pizza. Tiny though and thin.

SPEAKER_02

They had a very interesting style. It wasn't like this uh Americana style with like a thick dough, it wasn't quite New York crispy, thin. It was like a halfway between. I remember they had a pizza called the Big Daddy. It was like the Big Daddy, three foot by two foot pizza square. My dad would order one and crush that thing on his own. Jeff and I would watch him be like, what are you doing? That was like for every kid at a birthday party. Right. The problem was he'd make us eat it for days. He'd just like, I'm not cooking for you assholes. Like your mom's at work, you're eating this pizza. And so, like, if you didn't like fennel sausage, they loaded it with fennel sausage, and you were eating that shit forever. Um, so anyway, we would eat foxes as a chain, and then when Domino's came close to like where I lived, we would dabble with that. But I will say, as a Pittsburger, we are spoiled. We have some of the best, yeah, I think, local pizza in the country.

SPEAKER_04

I don't even think all of us eat chain pizzas as much just because of how good we're gonna be.

SPEAKER_02

I straight up don't because you can get a local kind of pizza shop way easier than a chain.

SPEAKER_04

A hundred times better.

SPEAKER_03

And it's so much better.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, even in my hometown, there were tons of local pizza places. They always said like Aliquippa's founded on three industries now: pizza places, beer distributors, and funeral homes. You knock those three out, it's done. The economy just collapses.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I feel like you got a ton of like, I don't know, really good local spots in like Pittsburgh Pizza is is constantly hyped on a national stage. It's not New York, it's not, you know, uh what is it, New Haven. It's not um people say it's like really good though. Chicago. But yeah, you go outside and you eat like a local pizza spot in any other city besides maybe New York City, and then I I've never been to New Haven, so I haven't had it, and you're like, damn, that like random ass spot on the corner by a gas station with two 18-year-old kids on the like have that you that have summer internship jobs for for minimum wage, make better pizza than this place that everyone talks about here in Chicago or whatever.

SPEAKER_04

They uh Port Noise gave some really great ratings on pizza shops in Pittsburgh.

SPEAKER_02

So, like I'm probably too into the pizza scene. My father-in-law is a pizza addict, and uh and uh he also makes some really good pizza. Um so we're always trying to try new stuff, and and because of that, it's pushed me away from the chains, but I do have the nostalgia there. So, like, like I said, Domino's for me was it, but it was never the round, it was always the deep dish. Oh, really? So I I feel like that's because we could get just like a good round pie, like wherever, like any local spot. Yeah. And so there's a place growing up called Donna Lynn's out in Murray's that was just like a good doughy pizza, like it was just good, consistent, always got it. They moved to Vachellian. I don't know if it's Vachelli's, like a chain consideration. I I thought it is, isn't it? My dad loved it when it moved in. It was just greasy as hell. What is it? Vicelli's, yeah. I don't think it's a national chain, though.

SPEAKER_04

No, there's one in in near where I live.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think there's one down the street from here now.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. But like it's not that good, but it's they're open late though. That that is a perk. They're open to like like 1 a.m.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So we would get, yeah, we would just the Domino's deep dish, and I I personally fell in love with like I would just eat it cold the next day. I used to order whole ones in college and just put them in the fridge and eat them the next morning.

SPEAKER_03

That is one nice thing about chain pizzas. I feel like they're arguably better cold. Yeah, all the preservatives and everything. Yeah, like a fresh pizza. It's like this has to go back in the oven. You can't just eat this thing.

SPEAKER_04

So there are three places Portnoy gave an eight to. One of them being located in Murray's. A slice of New York.

SPEAKER_02

Slice of New York. That's kind of that.

SPEAKER_04

Really? Uh-huh. Then Pizza Lupo, I've had. Lupo's phenomenal. Great pizza. Never had a Rockaway pizza.

SPEAKER_02

And then Rockaway is supposedly pretty solid. They just like run out of pizza by noon. They're down in the page.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, minios. He did he even eat minios?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he ate minios. He didn't like it because you have minios, you gotta sit around and wait. Yep. And then he also had Ayellos. He did uh I don't know if he did um uh there's another one that everyone loves. Bedamos. Oh, I love that. That's probably my favorite. Bedamos. Yeah, he did Bedos, which is like so betos is like an adult lunchable. Like they they put cold toppings on the pizza. It's pretty interesting.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um he wouldn't like Plea Station pizza. You ever had PlayStation Pizza?

SPEAKER_02

No, you've told me about it though.

SPEAKER_04

But it's like a thick ghost. Yeah, he wouldn't like it. It's they're square cuts, they're thick, fresh toppings on top of all the cooked toppings.

SPEAKER_03

I would eat that as a kid, it would just cut the roof of my mouth. The crust is so crispy. I do like I like that.

SPEAKER_02

I uh it's called a um a pizza taglia. I'm not a few. It's like the style if you go over in Italy and look at it. Um, that issue just throwing shit. I'm a fan. I like I like see that's the thing. I also I like the variety. So like I prefer my favorite, I think, overall style. If I'm eating it 100% of the time, if I could only have one pizza type forever for me, it would be Neapolitan. And you don't have any chains doing a Neapolitan. So like that's out of the question. New York would be the second for me. So I like the thinner, I like the crispier, I like the simple toppings, um, and just good quality ingredients. Don't get many chains doing New York style. Everyone does this just kind of like fluffy, I think it's like American style is what it's called.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they're they're super big on shicks now, too. Like, there has to be some sort of shtick where it's like, oh, we actually like injected the crust with butter, garlic, herb glaze, and cheese.

SPEAKER_04

And I like a nice crust on a pizza. I like yeah, you gotta have the crust is like a good fluffy, not too much. It's not loaded and double stuffed, triple stuffed, whatever they do nowadays.

SPEAKER_02

I remember being like a gimmicky fat shit kid though, and being like, I do want a stuffed crust, right? You know, like and then you eat it and you're like, It's like garlic bread pizza. Like, I hurt my internals hurt. Yeah. But that that does put Pizza Hut up there for me.

SPEAKER_04

So was it Pizza Hut that had the stuffed uh the stuffed cheese?

SPEAKER_02

I'm pretty sure they put the stuffed crust on the map. Jeez, man. And then back in my day, they had the buffet. And so like that's the only like the the I'm telling you, the pizza on that buffet was something you wouldn't even feed to your dog.

SPEAKER_03

But I was eating it in volumes. I heard they're starting to bring back the buffets now, and it's still gonna have like the same environment as they did in like the 90s with like the stained glass lights and the salad bar. Now we're talking. Next challenge. There used to be a 24 hours of Hud Buffet.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, every slice of pizza is 30 minutes. Every oh gosh, I don't even know what else we would do. What would what would kill time? What would shave time off of being stuck inside this pizza?

SPEAKER_02

Full glasses of all sugar lemonade. Like, I don't know. But here's the thing for me, and I'm curious to hear what you two think. Is that I don't judge a pizza chain just by the pizza. Like, I want the rest of the shit that comes with it. I want the wings and I want the subs.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, see, I feel like that that always is a telltale sign to me that it's gonna be like mid pizza. If it's like we also have wings and pasta and this and that. Well, hold on, then where's your favorite pizza spot? Oh, wait, we're not talking about chain or regular.

SPEAKER_02

Like, because I like it, the definition has to apply to both. You can't just throw that kind of a snake.

SPEAKER_03

I'd say like Bedamos. You're not getting pasta. Commit to something, commit hoagies, like you're getting pizza there. Like, so Bedamos would be my favorite local place. All the chains offer a variety of things, but I will say Pizza Hut's an example. They they used to sell pasta. They flew a little too close to the sun for a minute and they realized like this is foul. We need to like pause on this. I don't think they sell the pasta anymore, do they?

SPEAKER_04

I don't know, but you think I think of like um getting wings. I agree, like if they have some good wings, get some pizza and wings. I mean, they kind of go together.

SPEAKER_03

You're never gonna get good wings at a chain pizza place.

SPEAKER_04

You get like these gnarled, like they're just there for filler, you know what I mean? That way not everyone eats all the pizza.

SPEAKER_02

It's the biggest letter. Like, I just want some protein. Yeah, I'm gonna feel like I'm getting a little bit of a pizza I had some good wings when I was a child.

unknown

No way.

SPEAKER_02

The subs, though, I think are more important. So, like for me, you should be able to make a good, like a good pizza spot should be able to make a good sub.

SPEAKER_04

See, I don't know about that one. Yeah, what do you say? I think that's just so different.

SPEAKER_02

No, like you go to P. I'm telling you, you go to Pizza Lupo. We'll literally drive down there right from the phone. Never if I don't care what the rest of this episode We'll drive down there, we'll eat their grandma pie, we'll eat their round pie, and we'll get their three subs, I'm telling you. You'll you'll a hundred percent understand. I'm not saying it's wrong. Craftsmanship and quality, it's also bread and ingredients. It's very similar to pizza. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like I'm just saying maybe maybe Paul can agree. I've never gone to one of these places and thought, hmm, I want to get a sub and not their pizza. I'm always getting just the pizza. I'm never getting a pizza and a sub.

SPEAKER_02

Or you're just not as fat as me because I'm eating it all. I'm eating the pizza, the sub, the wings, the stuff.

SPEAKER_03

I feel like it's a general rule of thumb, even if it's not a pizza place, just like a restaurant, whatever, the smaller the menu, typically the better quality it's gonna be. When they're trying to do too many things, then I feel like the quality is that's it.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know how true that holds. The Cheesecake Factory's okay, and they have thousands items.

SPEAKER_02

That's okay. Like you're like, they're okay.

SPEAKER_04

It's not the worst, but they have a thousand items on that menu.

SPEAKER_02

So, all right. Well then, so Sam, you've got all these all this judgment and all these rules over here. Like, name a chain and give us something then. I'm over here talking about Domino's and Pizza Hutch Papay. Papa John's. Papa John's. They don't even have a Papa John's in East Pittsburgh. What? There's literally not a I don't think there's a Papa John's on the east side of the Squirrel Hill tunnel.

SPEAKER_03

That's not true. Locate the Papa John's, Joe.

SPEAKER_04

Maybe in Cranberry. Maybe not actually.

SPEAKER_03

That's north. Come on. What? That can't be right. There's one in there. There's one there. Okay, there's one over there in the north side. There's like none.

SPEAKER_02

There's one on the north side there. All right. See, there's a couple over there now. Where you at? Go right.

SPEAKER_04

There's nothing up here in Cranberry.

SPEAKER_02

Go right where I'm from. Well, Papa John's there on the. See how that 22, that number 22 out there?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Nothing out there. I will say I haven't had it in a while. When I was a kid, I used to love it. I do feel like they're kind of on the downswing now. I don't think I've ever had it.

SPEAKER_04

They're all 3.6.

SPEAKER_03

Man, that that actually is pretty uh they're all consistently rated the same.

SPEAKER_04

Three three to three point seven.

SPEAKER_03

I will say you can rate the different oh wow.

SPEAKER_04

No, yeah, you can see all the different ratings. 3.6, 3.7, 3.6, 3.7.

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Papa John’s Sauce And Convenience Pizza

SPEAKER_02

back to it.

SPEAKER_03

Papa John's was so good strictly because of their garlic dipping sauce. Like the pizzas were solid. They weren't. I don't like their picking sauce. I don't understand you. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02

Pizza and ingredients must be simple. I can't have a sub on the menu. These rules are. Why do I get this pizza? I love their buttery garlic sauce.

SPEAKER_03

I don't want this complicated shit in my phone. Now the the rule for the the menu size that applies to non-chain pizza places. All the chains are gonna offer like too many menu items. That's fine. But Papa John's, though, that's different. That's different. Like I said, it's there's no consistency. There is consistency. All of these places sell wings and hoagies and whatever, but Papa John's, especially back in the day, it was it was amazing.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so what's the worst? Like what makes you not go to a pizza place?

SPEAKER_03

You know one thing I will say that it ruined it for me. It's not even a chain pizza place. 7-Eleven. You know what ruined a 7-Eleven pizza for me?

SPEAKER_04

That you went in and ordered pizza? Well, 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, no, no. I've had 7-Eleven pizza many a time. It's wonderful, it's consistent. It's like, especially if you get like a hot one. I'm just saying, for a chain pizza, it's not bad. You know what ruined it for me? It's not a chain pizza, it's microwave. No, no, they're not microwaving that.

SPEAKER_04

But what ruined it for me went to Wait, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03

I'm not letting you finish it. No, they're not like that. They have an old Italian man in the back, and he's back there tossing up the dough and getting it in the wood fired oven. But I went in a 7-Eleven once, and the whole place just like reeked of like black and mild. Like whoever was working and they were just ripping. Well, they don't all re well, a lot of them do. But anyway, they it was it was so bad in this one. I got the pizza, I left, I took a bite. I swear to god, you could taste the black and mild in the pizza, and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Let me educate you. Ninny. We have a black and mild.

SPEAKER_02

There was a spot in Plum Boro, okay? Any of our Plumborough listeners here, you know. I know we're very uh distinguished in Plum. There was a spot. Nick's probably been there, uh, our graphic designer. It's called Vincent's Pizza, okay? Okay. There was an old man behind a glass like kitchen wall. Okay. You walk in, it's right to your left. He had a cigar in his mouth every single time you ever saw him. Yeah. And if that cigar ash just so happened to bless your pizza, you didn't complain. Maybe it was just a big one. You know what you could order if you ask nicely? What's a extra ash?

SPEAKER_03

Because that's that's the kind of character that builds a true pizza job. I mean, maybe, honestly, if he was smoking a denobly, even like a denobli or something, let's go for it.

SPEAKER_01

What's a denobli? Like, cut that.

SPEAKER_03

You know what a denobli is, but I'm saying if he's smoking a black and well, and you call yourself an Italian. Every old Italian man has a Denobli hang. Look up the Denobli. He's straight off the boat and he'll kick your ass at 92 years old. Get behind the denobi. I mean, I'm not an Italian. I have black. He's never had one. We're getting him a denobli cigar. But do you know what that is? He doesn't, he's our cigar guy, and he doesn't even know. They're the cheapest cigars that all right. That's it. That's why I have it. Right there. Okay. Is it a cigarello? No, no, it's a little cigar. Go over the Denobli there. The old Italian people, they soak these things in wine and then smoke them.

SPEAKER_04

I've seen, you know, you know where I have seen these? I've seen relatives, they don't even smoke them. They'll buy them and they just chew on it for flavor. Yeah. They don't even smoke it. It's a big thing. It's just a flavor thing.

SPEAKER_03

Now, if that was on the pizza, that's a whole different ballgame.

SPEAKER_02

It probably would have was. He's dead now. They had to shut it down. All right. Well that's R.I.P. Vincent. That pizza spot was was it was so greasy they they packed it in a paper bag. I think. And the you'd have to put it in the trunk of your car because it would get all over your car.

SPEAKER_03

Soak it. I think I told you guys about this place. There was a place in Aliquippa called Villa de Pizza where it was run by the pizza Nazi. And like you would go in there and he had, you know, he really was like it was like the soup Nazi from Seinfeld. You go in there and he had framed rules all over the walls. As you should. You'd go in. Standards are standards are standards. Oh no, it was. You'd go in there, he'd give you a name. Like I'd go in there with my mom as a kid. He'd be like, Esmeralda, how many slices you want? You could only order even slices. You could only order a max of two toppings. If you got on your cell phone in the establishment, you'd throw your pizza out. Like it was a it was there were so many rules you had to follow. How would you go back? It was the experience, man. It was nuts. Was the pizza good? It was honestly really good. He made it all right there. It was like super thin crust. It was almost kind of like a cracker, but it was it was very unique. It was like tavern style. Kind of, yeah. Was it square? Kind of a square. It really was. Was it square cut? Was it a circular pizza square cut? Square cut, thin, crispy, like little Caesars. Watch it.

SPEAKER_02

Do I ever tell you guys I used to dumpster dive for Little Caesars? Yes. Deplorable. Um deplorable.

SPEAKER_04

You know what? You know what's John's had it before Paula. You'd probably enjoy it. My favorite pizza spot in the greater Pittsburgh area is um it's called Delaterra.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

The dude owns Blaise Pizza. That's a pretty solid pizza. Wait, he owns Blaise? What the f are you doing over at Blaise then? That place sucks. And Dela Terra is all. Maybe not Blaze. No, he owns um. I'll tell you what he owns. I was gonna say, because Blaze is garbage. Uh Fiore's. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fiore's. Sorry. I said Blaze. He owns Fiore's.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, yeah. Fiore's is one of the things that's the phone.

SPEAKER_04

That's why the pizza at Delatera is great. It's because it's the same, it's the same pies. So, well they're not, but they're not the same, but they're but they're the same love.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, same care. Yeah, Fiore's is an elite Pittsburgh pizza, and those are those are Neapolitan style. Yes. Right? So like quick fire, high cook, like high cook temps, usually simple, very high quality ingredients. I think that's like I wish we could get a chain back.

Cigar Ash Legends And Pizza Rules

SPEAKER_02

Provided some quality pizza like that. But then you can't get it because it shows up in its art.

SPEAKER_04

Not modern, but like old Pizza Hut used to have some good stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_03

There's a chain. There's a chain in central PA. I think it could take off if they ever went like national. They have like seven or eight locations. It's called Best Way Pizza. It's phenomenal. You go there, it's like you could get it in a drive-thru. Look at Best Way Pizza. Drive-thru pizza? Yes, you get it by the slice. Like the whole process takes you like less than a minute. Like less than a minute over it. Why do you like this pizza? I'm telling you, like, it's like it's for a chain pizza, it's super good. Like it's very soft.

SPEAKER_02

This reminds me of Jets. Which is like a chain pizza. It's a square pizza. But it's Detroit. So Jets is Detroit's. So this is like a square-shaped regular pizza. Detroit style comes up the sides. You get the cheese bake on the outside, the chrome.

SPEAKER_04

You love square pizza from what I'm understanding from.

SPEAKER_03

I do not like square, like I don't like cicilian cuts when it's super crispy. This is super soft. That's a soft Sicilian. It's a soft Cecillion club.

SPEAKER_02

He doesn't like a Sicilian style. Like a crispy style. Which is a square. He doesn't like a taglia, which is also square. Okay? Which is a pizza taglia. Pull up pizza taglia. Obviously, you don't do any pizza research or or you don't care about the craft itself. Never done a ton of pizza. Taglia, oh sorry. And you know, I'm not Italian. Oh wow. It's square cut. It comes out in trays. It's a very it's phenomenal. Okay. It's pretty good. It's light, super light. There's a spot down in um uh uh the strip district now they moved into the old like uh common area. Yeah. That's the kind of pizza they sell there.

SPEAKER_03

Is this like the pizza that place next to La Prima? Uh what's it called? No, the Ironborn.

SPEAKER_02

I think Ironborn's Detroit style pizza. So it's like a it's like a crispier. But you don't like that either, do you? No, I love that place next to La Prima.

SPEAKER_03

I got the slice almost every Sunday.

SPEAKER_02

So wait, what? La Prima. Oh, you're talking about the La Prima and the strip. No, that's called that's like um something with a C. That's uh Calangelo's. Yeah, that's much closer to your uh Taglia. Yeah, that I love that. That's not Detroit. There's another La Prima down the street. There's uh the next pizza shop up is Ironborne. It's like five. Anyway, we're getting real specific. We're supposed to be talking chains, and I think like the evidence is is quite clear here, Joe. We don't need chain pizza around these parts, right? It's dead, man. It's hard. It is they're I'm with you. It's hard to be a Pittsburger and need a chain pizza. We need a pizza.

SPEAKER_01

If you are, what are you doing? Can we just open our own? No, there's no shop pizza.

SPEAKER_03

There's no profit in pizza. I've always had an idea. You know how they say New York pizza is so good because of the water? Yeah. What if we just started getting mass amounts of New York tap water? We open up a pizza place where okay, it doesn't make a difference.

SPEAKER_02

My father and I have ordered New York City, five gallons of water from New York City to make pizza and bagels with. Did it work? It's different. The iron and the like the copper, whatever the hell's in that water, you're uh you just get a different rise and it's like a different flavor. Um, now you gotta like know what you're looking for with it because it's all good. Like Pittsburgh, you go north of Pittsburgh and like the water tastes different, right? Um, the city's just not as big. But I uh yeah, I'm you can order water from New York. That's a wild but it has to be the city, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, so like there's money in it, and you just have to be a dominoes or pizza. You can't do local so shop pizza, it's the newest chain.

SPEAKER_02

You can't do local, dude. I will say this if you're into business or anything in like business scaling, the story of Domino's is absolutely brilliant and it's it's fire. It's like an I love I love the uh the origin story of Domino's pizza. It's like two college dudes.

SPEAKER_04

Um kind of like Facebook, the one screwed the other one over, or no.

SPEAKER_02

They were just like, we can't get pizza while we're studying. They were at like I'm pretty sure they were like an Ivy League school. I'm trying to remember. And they like copied, they just like literally you could order and they were just losing money, but they were like, if we don't get you your pizza in the like 10 minutes or something, or 30 minutes, you're it's free. Like that was their whole business model, and they had no way to fulfill it, and they were getting like sued, and it was like it's wild, it's a pretty cool story.

SPEAKER_04

Now they're uh the almost $10 billion company.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and so like I will say this though, I give huge props to Domino's and to Papa John's because they've both completely reinvented themselves in regards to like what the market's asking for and ingredient quality. I don't know where Pizza Hut stands there, but they've not made it their like the front of their marketing, but both better ingredients, better pizza, Papa John's. And then Domino's is like, we cut the shit, guys. We're back, flavorful pizza. Um, I just haven't had it forever. And it's actually, I lied. I'm lying to you guys. When we moved in this building, we ordered Domino's pizza so I could encapsulate that pizza in into resin and give it to my personality.

SPEAKER_04

I used to love 7-Eleven pizza.

SPEAKER_03

Jason tells me that. Jason's like, John, that's his guilty pleasure. He loves 7-Eleven pizza. Me? Yeah. Yeah. And I was, I literally was just surprised. I'm like, there's no way that John. I don't even know where a 7-Eleven is. That's what I told him, and he's like, no, he loves it. And I was like, there's no way.

SPEAKER_02

The only like guilty pleasure pizza I could ever say I have that like whim. But no, that's not even guilty pleasure. It's like it's just solid pizza. It would be breakfast pizza from sheets. Yeah, we did talk about it. I had a couple years where that was just convenient and I would grab it when it came out. But like what a breakfast pizza. Yeah. You go in, they were on the hot tray. So I just grab one, gas that roll that thing up. Roll it and gas it. Yeah, but this was when I was in like Monroville. This is before I knew Jason. I'm I don't, yeah, 7-Eleven Pizza. I don't know what Jeff's probably put a few down though. Jeff, Jeff and 7-Eleven get get along well. We we didn't even bring it up, but Costco, Costco

Costco Pizza Debate And Food Court Life

SPEAKER_02

pizza. So, what do you guys think of Costco pizza?

SPEAKER_03

You've both had it, we've tested it, it's been on the show. I think it's great. I watched a whole video about like why it's so good and like the it's just like a streamlined process. They do that little dough poker thing where it like puts all the little perforations in the dough.

SPEAKER_04

I think Costco clears every chain. I think Costco's pizza is better currently to date than all these other chain hours.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know about that. That's a sane thing.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think it is. I think it's a better pizza. If you don't get a too greasy of a piece, their pizza slaps.

SPEAKER_02

I think we need to have a showdown. Yeah. Of what? Pizzas. We need to get all the chains. Just to just like we don't have to devour whole pizzas until we want to kill ourselves. But like it's just been too long. Because here's the thing. I don't prefer Costco's pizza. It's not that it's bad pizza, it's just very heavy. A lot of sauce, a lot of cheese, a lot of a lot of grease. Slice for slice. And I'm not a fan of that. And but I don't know what a Pizza Hub pizza tastes like in 2026. I don't know what a Domino's pizza tastes like in 2026. I don't think it's a few physical. I don't know what little teasers, or I don't know what I don't know. I just don't. Like I said, I stick to the local homegrown spot. I'll go out of my way, drive there to get it.

SPEAKER_04

I agree. But also the thing with Costco is the convenience. You're getting your groceries for the week. My kids love it. If you want a piece of pizza, let's go get one. Yeah. I know people that are crazy enough, they just go to Costco for the food court.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, dude, that's not crazy. That's quite an American thing to do nowadays. Yes, it is. I had to pop in there yesterday to buy a vacuum because I live an insane life and we couldn't wait.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like it's not insane to go buy a vacuum.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, just Sunday afternoon, you know, hey, we need a vacuum, go to Costco and get it. Yeah, because like why can't we wait till like, you know, the next time we go to Costco? I was like, I was like almost forced at gunpoint to have to go pick this thing up. Like anyway, I pull in there, and bro, the the food court at four o'clock on a Sunday at Costco. Popping. Popping. Yeah. It was like a rave.

SPEAKER_04

A lot of chicken bakes going, some cookies.

SPEAKER_02

I'm a fan of those. I wasn't a huge chicken bake. It was it was okay. I feel like the ones you guys tried were on the glory of the chicken. The renovation was happening. The glory of the chicken bake is downhill. I mean, so big news. Like I said, I was at Costco yesterday. Big news here in Pennsylvania. Monumental Pittsburgh Costco news. Oh, I know you're gonna say. They now have booze.

SPEAKER_04

Is it just cranberry though?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, the viral Kirkland vodka. I I no liquor yet. Uh just beer and just beer and seltzers and stuff. But I was in there yesterday, Joe, and I'm like, this is the start of something.

SPEAKER_04

Is it just cranberry? Is it I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I was the only one that was one I was in.

SPEAKER_04

I've seen their sign on there forever that they're getting a liquor license.

SPEAKER_02

Everyone knows though that Yunzers are alcoholics, and now we can buy in bulk.

SPEAKER_04

Kirkland vodka could slap.

SPEAKER_03

Well, they say every time, every time I've watched so many videos where they do like blind taste tests, and people will rank it above like Belvedere, above like so it's probably like Kettle One rebranded or something.

SPEAKER_02

Because it's like they that's what they do with everything. Like you want to buy like their shampoo, right? It's like Pantheon Pro V or L'Oreal or just some brand that's like normally. They just white label it. That's the they're brilliant with that. Um, but yeah, now that they have booze, you can buy like it might they might have I've always loved Costco, but they might jump ace for like my favorite store ever. I was in there yesterday, they had the full summer power tool line out, right? They've got all of your outdoor furniture, they've got your plants, right? They also got your electronics. Obviously, I had to get the vacuum. You know? On top of it, grab yourself some booze, a couple beers, right? Then you can get a raft to float on those beers. You can build yourself a kid's swing set. Top it off with a nice Costco pizza. And then on your way out, yeah, grab yourself a pie. That's not a bad day. Yeah, it sounds like a great Sunday. Right? You spend the whole day in there. Yeah. I will say this though about the Costco pizza. It saddens my heart to see that there's no like human love that really goes into it. You watch them make it, they they you know, they get the dough, it's already round, there's no one back there doing the thing. They perforate it. That's about it. They throw it on that little thing, it spins around, puts the dough on it. Yeah, puts the sauce on it, right? Then the cheese goes on, it's like dispersed, I think, by a machine, rolls through a conveyor belt, comes out the side, a machine chops it into a box.

SPEAKER_03

But that's what gives it its perfect consistency. You'll never have a disappointing Costco pizza. It'll always be the same.

SPEAKER_02

Personally, for me, I prefer a well-done pizza. Like I like it closer to burned than I like it closer to raw. You know what I'm saying? So like I want it to like I want it to have some character, some bite. You want like the burnt cheese? Burnt cheese, like a little burn on the bottom, maybe like a you know, like a like a bubble perferring in the crust. You don't get that at Costco. Ever. Because it's so consistent, you know?

SPEAKER_03

That's fair. I don't yeah, I don't like them like super well done. I I honestly kind of like them uh raw. Not raw, but like I want I want the cheese to be clean. I hate when there's burn marks on the cheese. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's where the flavor comes out. I don't know, man. It's like clean cheese. You also don't like cheese.

SPEAKER_04

I like cheese. Lies. You can't commit. When you guys are going for some

Fast Cheap Good Choose Two

SPEAKER_04

pizza. Wow. You have to pick one here. Do you want your pizza fast and cheap? If you want it fast and cheap, it's typically low quality. Do you want it good and cheap, but that tends to be slower? Or do you want it fast and good, but that tends to be more expensive?

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna say good and cheap. I've never expected to get any food quick in the city of Pittsburgh, especially not pizza. I feel like you order any you order pizza or anything, you're you're gonna wait. I don't know. I'd I could be patient.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, give me fast and good.

SPEAKER_03

Give me fast and good all day.

SPEAKER_04

I'll pay a little more for a quality pie.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. That's done quickly. Here's the thing with pizza for me, and like this is a part of the equation, you might not be factoring in. The speed that it's made, cooked, and delivered to you elevates the experience of eating the pizza. That pizza sits, it's going downhill from there. There's no, it's not improving. Minnios is the only pizza that improves as it sits. And then it hits a ceiling and comes downhill hard after.

SPEAKER_03

See, I was I almost feel like uh I don't mind Minos. They put so much cheese on it that's why you need that coagulation coefficient, and then it gets there and but then once it gets too coagulated, then it just slides right off.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. Costco bangs like when it's cold.

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, my we're just never done it. Cold Costco pizza slaps. I've never done it. Yeah, I only eat it right now.

SPEAKER_04

I gotta put you guys on. You gotta have some cool your uh father-in-law's pizza. That was good. We had we had some of that cold, fantastic. Yeah, his stuff's I'm sure it's great warm.

SPEAKER_02

It is nice similar to does a lot. Like he used the cake yeast this weekend, you know. He he's using different um, but sometimes uh his his like um his Detroit style is great cold. That like a thicker one. Yeah, yeah, I think uh and honestly, I wish so to me, I think Jets is the only chain that we saw up there in the in the chain um side of things, you know, as we're kind of trying to get back to what the hell this episode is supposed to be about. Is selling a Detroit style though, in a chain. Right? Does anyone else sell a chain? Detroit? You know what I'm talking about? All of them probably have at least one. So like Detroit, we can actually let's throw pan and chain in there because pan, we know that Domino's does a pan, we know that pizza has a pan. But just Ironborn pizza? Ironborne's it's local, it's not a chain. Caliente Caliente.

Local Chain Wins And Eat It Hot

SPEAKER_02

How do we forget about caliente? I gotta say, did you guys see my Instagram? Yes. Yesterday he didn't because he's too busy living a real life while Joe and I were working, you know, online, researching, talking through Perry Bogaz. Second place, second place on a national competition and fastest pizza maker in America. So knock it up to Perry. Perry Bogas. Perry pulled some strings for us to get not one, not two, but three of their giant calips. Brooklyn Bridge. Brooklyn Bridge pizzas. They only serve in-store. We actually had to take a truck and then put a piece of melamine covered in cardboard in the back to put the pizzas on because they don't have boxes big enough to get them out of store. Uh-huh. And he just he simply asked for a shout-out. We shouted them out then.

SPEAKER_04

Caliente's pizza, that's a great example of like phenomenal pizza warm. I like I've enjoyed it when I've ate it, but like when we got those pizzas back here and they were cold, it was miserable.

SPEAKER_02

So that's what I honestly though, I will say this like a good pizza, those ingredients are fresh. You got to eat that dough when it's hydrated and it's maximum and it's warmest, or or it goes downhill. Slice on Broadway is another one. Those New York styles. Yeah, slice on Broadway. But you know, you eat that an hour after you get it, it's not as good. Yeah. So like that, I think that's also goes to say with New York style pizza. But caliente, not a national chain. They are a chain, but they're like a local chain. They won a bunch of awards. I actually don't think the pizza's that good, but I might have just had two bad experiences. I didn't eat I ate one slice of that cold pizza you guys had. I'm not throwing that into the judgment with the Brooklyn Bridge. But um we should just line them up and get her done.

SPEAKER_04

Let's let's get it on the calendar. We'll film a video for it. But speaking of eating on the calendar, Paula, it is about that time

Snack Of The Day Lion’s Mane

SPEAKER_04

right now. Yeah, I'm a little hungry now. I just checked my wristwatch and the snack of the day segment is here. What do you have for us?

SPEAKER_03

Snack of the day! This snack originated at a local Home Depot, and then I grew this uh myself. This is a lion's mane mushroom. I grabbed uh a mushroom grow kit and I grew these about two weeks ago. I harvested them this morning. This is a fresh lion's mane mushroom. This is good for your brain, Joe. Well, I've heard phenomenal things about lion's mane, and I'm not afraid to eat that.

SPEAKER_04

I always coat mushrooms. I don't like raw mushrooms.

SPEAKER_03

I don't either, but I'll eat it. But what do you why didn't you cook it? I I thought it'd be better raw. It's as fresh as it could be because I just cut it. I've got four more uh harvests I could get off of it because I've seen people either slice them like steaks and like grill them up. Yeah. But I kind of wanted to give it a shot raw.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I mean, I'll toast your lines, man. So this is what's in like a bunch of um like the nootropic drinks and stuff. I'll raw dog your lines, man. Did you wash these? Nope. Alright, so whatever that moisture is on there. Not bad, it's very chewy. Do you think that fungus should go into me?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, go for it, man. It's got some spice. Yeah, these mushroom grow kits are great. You get them in a box. You literally just feces? No, it comes. Everything's like vacuum packed in a bag. You cut it open, you spritz it with water twice a day.

SPEAKER_02

Usually mushrooms grow in poop. Well, I'm glad you didn't wash those. Hey, man. Those are good.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Good for you. I'd like to throw a you know a line out there and just thank Sam for getting lazier and lazier in his weekly. I grew these from a pile. He's walking outside this morning, Joey's like, ah shit, John's gonna bench. Throw that on there. Mike's story. Let me get in my go-kart.

SPEAKER_03

I'm like eating in my go-kart.

SPEAKER_02

I will say, those are tasty for a raw. Way better. I mean, you don't like raw, obviously, you just said, but I think they're way better than like a button mushroom raw or like a portobello raw. Oh, yes. A lot of flavor there. Doesn't taste like mushroom-y because it's like like that weird fibrousness.

SPEAKER_03

That's a good time to tell you these are actually psilocybin mushrooms. We're about to pop it. Let's get weird.

SPEAKER_02

We gotta carve a log later, I'm told.

SPEAKER_04

Back in tomorrow, nothing got done. We just looked at it.

SPEAKER_02

I don't make it to Atlanta somehow.

Mushroom Takes And Pineapple Fight

SPEAKER_02

Um John had an ego.

SPEAKER_04

I like cooked mushrooms. I don't know. Raw mushrooms just give me the mushrooms on pizza? I could yeah, I I don't I don't go out of my way to order that at my adult age, but like I will eat if someone orders a mushroom pizza, I'll have a slice. What about you?

SPEAKER_03

I'm not a I mean, I'll I'll take it or leave it. I don't hate them, but I don't love them. If they're there, it's fine.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like a mushroom has no business on a pizza. So I feel like in pizza context, like I love a mushroom dish. Like I like sauteed mushrooms on a lot of other things, but the difference I think with pizza and that and like a dish is that you season the damn mushrooms when you're putting them into like a marsala sauce or you're putting them into something. They don't get seasoned on the pizza. No, so they're just like mush.

SPEAKER_03

I I kind of like the pizza, like mushrooms on pizza if they're from a jar where they're already like hydrated. Yeah, so those have flavors because they're like they're like uh pickled marinated or pickled.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like I feel like there's a raw ass mushroom on a pizza, it's like stupid. Yeah, I'm not a heat. And I get a ton of shit for it because my father-in-law loves it. He's like, I'm maybe like, I'll put mushrooms on this. Oh no, mushrooms on pizza. And I'm like, they don't add any flavor, they don't add all they do is bring more water and moisture to the pizza. It's not really texture either. So it's like so it's like the pizza's soggier. Like, I don't I don't feel like mushrooms belong on pizza. Now, like that mushroom on a certain type of pizza, but you're sauteing it beforehand, you season it, and it goes on like a pizza taglia. I could get down with that. How do you feel about pineapple on pizza? That shit.

SPEAKER_03

God, you have to ruin the conversation. I will say that's my one guilty pleasure with pizza toppings. Not a huge topic.

SPEAKER_02

I thought your guilty pleasure was Hangry Man's or Hungry Man's or I thought your guilty pleasure was 97 other things you've listed out here before. I think everyone should have multiple guilty pleasures.

SPEAKER_01

You have a laundry list.

SPEAKER_03

We got a list of all of Sam's guilty pleasures, please, editor. Sorry, I try to enjoy myself from time to time. But you put a little uh little pineapple. Who hurt you? I'm telling you, if you tried it, and I think you I I don't think you would like it. I do think you would like it. It's an interesting combination of flavors, and there's nothing better if you have like a pineapple.

SPEAKER_02

No. Too much moisture, too much moisture, no, correct.

SPEAKER_01

No, it doesn't taste bad. It's just it's not pizza. It makes it like a smoothie almost. It's like it's the combo. Oh, or a Hawaii. Throw some fig on there, an apple.

SPEAKER_03

Fig?

SPEAKER_01

Sweet?

SPEAKER_03

Where are you gonna get fig on a pizza?

SPEAKER_01

You get fig jam, dude. You've got where you're gonna get away. You guys are over here turning down the pineapple and anchor.

SPEAKER_02

Some fig jam, please. Yeah, because you're getting some like lazy ass. We're gonna take a pineapple, pull it out of a jar. It's a contrast of flavor.

SPEAKER_01

Pineapple has a little flavor. You were just saying snow flavor. No, it's sweet and savory, yeah. That's great. Yeah, it is. Because pineapple's not the sweet. There's better.

SPEAKER_03

What about a Hawaiian? Like the pineapple and spam? Have you ever had one of those? No! We're gonna get a couple of those when we're gonna pull the pizzas. Oh, yeah, we are. Joe, I could see Joe's already kind of excited for it. No! The anticipation in his eyes. Get the pineapple off the pizza. No. Get it off the pizza. Get the pineapple off the pizza. You have to have some sort of a foul topping you enjoy.

SPEAKER_01

No. Fig jam.

SPEAKER_03

I mean, like, fig jam is quite common.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know if it's that common. No, it's pretty common. Like you look at it, it's like fig jam? Yeah, fig jam. It's all over stuff. Yeah, there's this guy he yells at you while he cooks on Instagram. He's like the angry chef or something. He makes his, he just made a sandwich with fig jam and he was like best sandwich you've ever had. Yeah. Gourmet artisan pizza, fig jam. There you go. It's like a balsamic glaze. It's like hot honey is real popular on pizza right now.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I do like a hot honey.

SPEAKER_02

I know some guys I want to eat their pizza. Is uh crispy pizza in New York. You ever seen these dudes? Crispy Pizza. So look it up. Crispy Pizza. I believe they're in New York and in Brooklyn. Look it up, look it up. Or they're up in uh and then they're up in New Jersey. But it's like a family-run pizza joint. It's uh like an older dad, an older dude, three brothers, but he's got his like sons and his like nephews and stuff in it. They make, they make, they just are like they're just like your quintessential, kind of like transplant Italians. They're very proud, and then their pizza looks great, but it's but it's like very uh they call it a Brooklyn style. It's very crispy. Um they got a couple joints, but they do great content, and like I love that about them. Is they're just like dudes that are fired up about making good pizza. Um they do the taglia, they do the squares, they do the rounds, they do like uh they do these pinwheels that look bomb. Good.

SPEAKER_03

I like that they have the cupped pepperoni. That's always a good sign.

SPEAKER_04

I know you'd like this layout for seating. That's not bad.

SPEAKER_03

You want to see the most foul pizza you've ever seen in your whole life?

Viral Altoona Pizza And Bad Toppings

SPEAKER_03

Google Image Viral Altoona Pizza. This is a real place.

SPEAKER_02

Is that the place with the American cheese? Yeah. This is uh this is like popular in Central PA. This is the spot he wants to bring. No, that's not the best way is elite. I don't know about this now. Is it like you could go buy them? Oh, yeah. Dude, I've been seeing people online trying this. I mean this is why I get this is why our our conversation is just completely skewed. It's like we got this shit. Does this shit pop up in other like states? I don't think so. I think this is an Altina original. Because like we're sitting here, we're like, we can't pick a chain, but then some asshole in Central PA thought that was a good idea.

SPEAKER_04

Look at that.

SPEAKER_02

It's ham, it's raw pepper, and American cheese.

SPEAKER_04

That pepper is not cooked. It looks like there's mustard on this.

SPEAKER_03

Might be. It's worth trying. We might have to make it ourselves.

SPEAKER_04

I think you just ruined my day.

SPEAKER_02

I will back in the day though, I was way more ambitious. I mean, I'd try the taco pizza, the hamburger pizza, the barbecue pizza. I'd try them all when I was young and dumb, and then you realize just like how unnecessary those topping categories are. You're like, just give me like really good quality, simple ingredients. I'd rather eat a volume of pizza than that making you cringe over. One slice of taco pizza. Is this what you hate? Yeah, I mean, that's that looks gross. That's the wrong cheese for pizza. That's probably because you shouldn't. American cheese is not intended to be put under a broiler. It's it's plastic. It's plastic cheese.

Pizza Pilgrimages And Famous Shops

SPEAKER_02

Funny pizza story. My wife and I, we get married. Um, COVID hits, right? Uh but I was supposed to go, I taught a woodworking class the week after we got married in um California with Jory Brigham. Woodcraft was still sponsoring at the time, right? They booked this like a year in advance, and we got engaged, and then our mom booked our wedding nine months after we got engaged. So I had no say. All that being said, we didn't get to go on a honeymoon. So we went on a mini moon before I had to show up and teach. And then we went to Sedona in um Arizona, right? And uh you have to go to Scottsdale first. And so we land and we just had to burn some time before her her her family had a place in Sedona or something, or whatever. And we just stopped at this Pizzeria Bianco. It's like, look it up. It's um we have no idea where we're stopping, but it just like looked like this like cool, it like had this indoor outdoor seating. The pizza looked good on like the the menu, blah, blah, blah. Um, so we eat there. I take a picture in front of the oven, I send it to my father-in-law, um, and like we just go about our business, right? Turns out Chris Bianco is the most renowned pizza chef in the world right now. Oh wow. He's they did an entire Netflix special on him. Uh, and I'm it's the um, if you if you watch, it's the first episode of um whatever the cooking show is on Netflix. Um a lot. No, like the main one. With like the like Chopped Great British Bacon.

SPEAKER_01

No, with like the the like the the name and pop. Nope. Um shit. Kitchen nightmares. Uh my brand. I got my top chef. B Bobby Flay. No, those are food network shows you ask on. It's uh cooking with Giada. That's an OG one right there. 30-minute meals. Diners drive in some diet.

SPEAKER_02

Ah shit. He's making this shit. No, I'm not. I'm gonna look it up. Yeah, please. I need to just keep asking Joe to look shit up. My brain's not functioning today. Chef's table? Chef's table. You've never heard of Chef's Table? No. You of all the things you watch, that's unfortunate. You would like Chef's Table. It's just like documentarying, documenting like food around the country. Oh, okay. This is a documentary series. So they have like 10 seasons of Chef's Table, but they'll do specifics. So they do pizza, they have a barbecue one, they have a pizza one. They did a Chef's Table. He's the first episode on the pizza one.

SPEAKER_01

Really?

SPEAKER_02

Um, and you go out and he's like, he grew up in Brooklyn, got started making mozzarella and blah, blah, blah. He moves out to um like Arizona, and it turns out that the wheat in Arizona and the modern Arizona just makes an incredible pizza dough. We end up just like accidentally eating lunch at his restaurant. Um, he has two of them. And uh the pizza was absolutely incredible. And we were like, this is so good. Like, we we gotta come back here. Like at some point, boom, next thing you know, within uh a year, it's like it's on Chef's table and got his book and stuff. And like does look great. The dude's mega famous. He's just like, and he's such a he's you will you listen to him, you'd love the way this guy talks. He just looks insane, just like loves pizza. He's just like you wouldn't tell he's like this pizza savant. Um, and uh we just like it kind of like just happened to fall into like just some some some bomb pizza. And so I feel like when you just have those experiences in your life, like you just can't go back to chains.

SPEAKER_04

Like, I went to um there was a pizza spot out in Philly. Um, they it was a highly rated one Port Noi did. I forget what the name of it is, I have to find it. But it the pizza was like so incredible.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I couldn't tell if it was the vibe.

SPEAKER_04

Angelo's? Uh yes, it was Angelo's.

SPEAKER_02

So there's like a young dude that runs an Angelo's in New York. Yeah. Uh he during COVID, he just started making pizza. His last name is pizza. What? This kid's name is Angelo Pizza. And his he just started a pizza stop. Yeah, this is it.

SPEAKER_04

This pizza was so good, dude. Probably the best pizza I've ever actually eaten. I wanted to try it.

SPEAKER_02

So he does some really cool stuff.

SPEAKER_03

I'm like way too into pizza. Every time we go to New York, I try to find what the internet deems to be like the best place. And I've never been disappointed, but I've yet to go to one where it's like, okay, like this stood out in my mind. Like they're all just really, really solid, but none of my.

SPEAKER_02

Um, John's on poliker is really good. Okay. And then my my buddies just went to uh the number one rated pizza place in America. It literally just came out. I'm gonna ask you to look that up, Joe, um, because I can't remember the name. But they just like happened to fly to New York for like a day trip and uh popped in and ended up getting a table at like lunchtime, and it was uh it was it was like pretty wild. So like there's all kinds of new spots like that come up like that um all the time. But yeah, you gotta like you gotta go hunting because it's gonna be a thing.

SPEAKER_04

And uh what's it called? That's what I wanted you to look up is the what else did I look up, Elta number one rated famous rays?

SPEAKER_02

Um I think it was like it might have been New York Times or it was like Food Network. Uno. Remember that pizza, remember that spot? Um like it was like a Chicago chain for a while. Is that still around? Yes, yeah, so that was like a pizza chain back in the day. That's a thick pizza. It's a like you ever had a true Chicago style pizza?

SPEAKER_03

No, I don't think that I I mean I definitely want to try it at some point in my life. I don't know if I would be a huge uh Chicago style pizza fan. I kind of like it when it's a bit thinner and I feel like it's just like too much all at once.

SPEAKER_02

It's a lot, and you gotta order it an hour in advance. An hour in advance? It's it's ridiculous. It is called um Lindustry in New York. They just happen to go there and like be able to get in. And it was voted on Food Network, the number one pizza joint in America.

SPEAKER_04

Damn. Just like wireless right here, Lindestry Pizzery.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so anyway, Sam, like when you go up, you gotta be like searching hard. You gotta plan around it, you're gonna wait in line. It's like a whole thing. Um, and it's and it's fun. Like, I will say, like, I've eaten the pizza and been like, you can tell why this is like sometimes hyped.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing that a lot of these places have gained so much like notoriety with the internet. Because I think it's good on one hand that people were more aware of these different like local chains, but on the other hand, it's like so difficult to get served at some of these places, like like Carbone in New York. Like if you want to try to get a reservation there, it's like a month in advance. You have to be on the website right at the stroke of midnight, and then they immediately sell out in like less than a minute. And I guess it's just insane. Yeah, I mean, it's the same thing with like barbecue.

SPEAKER_02

And like, I'm like, I'd love to go on a barbecue tour, you know, in like Austin or something. Yeah. But you're like you're just spending days in line.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I took that for granted so much in South Carolina. That was a place that had very few good pizza places. Yeah, they don't care about pizza. But barbecue, oh my god, it was just like anywhere you would go was amazing. And now being back up north, it's like it's very hard to find like a good even the ones that are good. It's like this would be like a six hour.

When Great Restaurants Fall Off

SPEAKER_02

You guys ever have this happen? This is like one of the saddest things in my life.

SPEAKER_03

What's that?

SPEAKER_02

You find a restaurant and you're like, I love it. It just opened, like they're putting up a lot of time and effort and care and love into it. The portions are great, people are great, and then it's like a year or two down the line, and you can just see that like passion's kind of gone or they expanded. Something happened. And we went to this barbecue spot up in Zilly this weekend that like when they opened, I was like, man, this place is great. It's like a Texas Carolina fusion. It was like the saddest plate of barbecue I've eaten in like my adult life. And I mean, like, from like across the board, like they k they charged me a dollar for celery. It came out, they were both like the size of my pinky, right? The plate, I got the th the th the th, it was you order your ribs by three ribs, okay? On a spare rib, you cut off the last three ribs because they're like tiny little fingers that curl. That's what they served me. And I was like, guys, what happened to you? You were glorious at one point. It would like you, you were so good. All the the mac and cheese and the and the and the pretzel, and then there was something else came out and they were all the same cheese sauce, just mixed with like different stuff. Yeah. And then the lastly, my wife got like the tacos, and it was she got a brisket of pork and a chicken taco. They were literally just cold corn tortillas with pre-made pickled onions on it. Like no cheese, no garnish, no salsa, no nothing. Yeah. I was like, you'll never get my money again. I was so sad. So I was like heartbroken because it's like you love a restaurant and then you just watch it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I feel like all the northern barbecues, they all have time limits like that. Either as a time limit or it survives, and it's one of those like super millennial barbecue places where it's like there's no there's no true barbecue on the menu. It's like a twist on everything.

SPEAKER_02

Restaurants are hard to be profitable, especially barbecue joints, because you're just selling chunks of meat for the most part. So like you can't like beef your margin up by like you know adding sides and accoutrement and like all kinds of crap, like in in which is which sucks. That made me super sad. That's happened to a few pizza spots, too.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

Chain Pizza Tier List And Wrap

SPEAKER_04

Well, wrapping on that, let's put these uh pizza spots, the chain restaurants on a uh tier list for one.

SPEAKER_02

Did you guys ever get to explore CC's? I never went to a CC's as a kid I did. There was one in Monroev, and when my boys and I were poor and large, you'd hit that up for five bucks.

SPEAKER_04

You'd you'd just you'd make that you used to go to birthday parties at CC's. Very polar opposite here. You'd have all your friends additional.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I mean, we were like 18, had no money.

SPEAKER_04

We wanted to get a large volume of meals and six, and they just wanted to be able to feed everyone affordably. They still around CC's? No, I think they're gone. I think they're gone here. We're gonna rank it just based off nostalgia. But it was all you can eat, right?

SPEAKER_02

And it was like you were getting like a macaroni and cheese pizza. It was like all the weird shit, right?

SPEAKER_04

They had like goaded little uh machines that you'd put a quarter in, you'd turn it and it'd like drop you out like something in the we pay five bucks to go eat two whole pizzas and then go like just pound whatever beers we could get some 21-year-old dude to buy us.

SPEAKER_02

That is impressive. Five bucks all you can eat. I was like, there's no way your business model is gonna survive. You couldn't do you couldn't do a $15 all-you-can-eat pizza in in 2026 and survive. It's impossible.

SPEAKER_04

A lot of them had like game rooms and stuff, Pula.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, Monroville wasn't. It was just a straight up assembly line of pizza domination. And we used to do destroy that shit.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. First on the list we have Chuck E. Cheese.

SPEAKER_03

Never had it, but I'm gonna guess that it's C or D.

SPEAKER_04

I'll put it at B. There's oh I mean, I'm putting Experience John D. We'll go C.

SPEAKER_02

You'll see. Get your get your uh brother and his nephews. CC's nostalgia. You're gonna see. It's gonna go way down. C C's. I mean C. It was awful. It was good old Costco. I feel like A tier. It's gotta be A. I mean, I'm like for pizza.

SPEAKER_01

Domino's. Domino's is an A for me. Yeah, I think that's fair.

SPEAKER_03

Little Caesars? B.

SPEAKER_02

I know John's gonna want to send it to D, but No, I'll put it at a B. It's it's not good pizza. I've like I said, I've only ever eaten it out of a dumpster.

SPEAKER_01

Papa John's. I've never had it. Can't vote. I want to say you what are you going pull up?

SPEAKER_03

Probably like A tier. We can't like fully vote.

SPEAKER_04

I'd say B. What? I'd say B.

SPEAKER_02

Caesars. I'm gonna go with their marketing. You're not wrong. Brings them to a B tier. Okay, we got Pizza Hut. I can't put it in it's there, it's B. It had it, it's had a it had a heyday. The nostalgia was there, but like it's so far from that, you can't even give its nostalgia that much credit. Newest tier.

SPEAKER_04

It's like a dying list, man. It's it's sad.

SPEAKER_02

It's a sad list. True. I mean, we we got the local spots, right? There's like the local chains, so there's foxes, there's caliente's, there's Monticello. I don't know what that is. Monichello's a local chain. Is it? Yeah. A couple spots. There's that Blaze pizza that's like a build-your-own pizza. They bake it there in front of you, kind of thing. Um, what else we got? Uh the Vicelli's. Yeah. That was another one. I'd put Vicelli up there. Above them. Above all of them. Right. It's like the only one we ate. I mean, it's like, I don't know. So are you guys at home like still eating chain pizza, or has your pizza like seen exploded like ours has here? Like, are you able to get some homegrown, like young, you know, hungry 18-year-old kids working for minimum wage making your pizzas? Because that's where the heart is. Um, I will say there's an incredible, there's a dude that makes pizza videos working at a Papa John's. He's got he does tens of millions of views. He's wearing like helmets he makes out of the boxes, and he's flying the pizzas around in the background. And like he he's like like a he's pretty much it might be the whipping the dough around. I think it's I think he's I think he's like making money just to go to college, kind of a thing. Like that's like a step, but he's like that's pretty entertaining stuff there. I uh I do really like the marketing and branding for Poppy Johns. I think they do a great job with like Shaq and Paint Manning back in the day, um, which is pretty cool. So uh besides that though, I don't think there's a moment where I'm like, give me a chain. Like I want it.

SPEAKER_03

No, not yeah, not often. Like I said, I feel like it has to be like an event, like it's like St. Patrick's Day, everyone's buzz, and it's like, you know, let's just get a pizza from like Papa John's or something.

SPEAKER_02

But I still feel like we're getting a chain for me. Yeah, uh wait. Like, dude, when you guys have been in my house, we've had like some parties and stuff. We're ordering like mini house. Yeah, but you're all yeah. I mean, I'm spending $300 because they're like $50 pizzas, but it's like so much better, I feel like, than you get a domino.

SPEAKER_03

It's definitely better, but I I guess that's where the chain pizzas shine with the deals. Like, you will get some crazy deals. Jeff eats them all the time.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, they have stupid DoorDash deals.

SPEAKER_03

They are insane. I've killed a Domino's pizza with Jeff here before, and it is insane. It's like this full large pizza.

SPEAKER_04

It was like a week straight Jeff was getting dominoes every day because they were like one pizza was free, the next one he bought, he got another one.

SPEAKER_03

It's like one free, two large pizzas, like nine dollars. I'm like, this is just an insane deal. You can't beat this anyway. You're not wrong.

SPEAKER_02

And that's like I think that's where chains thrive now is on price, not on quality, not on experience. They're just fighting for the bottom for price. So if you're still eating them, let us know. We'd be curious. We also want to know what fast food chains we've got to eat next. And I will say this I'm blaming it on Sam, but when we did the burgers, we had a lineup here and we were eating them, Sam. So if you want to do pizza next time, you gotta bring it, son.

SPEAKER_03

They're gonna be well, you gotta bring it. They're gonna be old with all the pizza places and open till 11. Yeah. Maybe we'll shoot an afternoon episode.

SPEAKER_02

We'll get a little tuned up before we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_04

Or we just go drive for an episode somewhere.

SPEAKER_02

That'd be interesting.

SPEAKER_04

We just go driving to eat it fresh.

SPEAKER_02

Editor comes and actually kills us. Six bites.

SPEAKER_04

Everybody knows the roles.

SPEAKER_02

Six bites. All right, I appreciate it. If you guys want to get anything behind the scenes or any extended cut, don't forget to check us out in the builder bunker. Hit that subscribe button, share this with your worst enemy because this terror this episode was absolutely deplorable. We'll see you guys on the next one.

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John Malecki

Host
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Joe Meinert

Co-host
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Sam Poola

Co-host