Slightly Above Average Podcast

We Tested TOP YouTuber Products

John Malecki, Sam Poola, and Joe Meinert Episode 27

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0:00 | 1:20:07

Every creator with a following now has a candy bar, coffee, hydration drink, hot sauce, or frozen meal with their face somewhere near the label. So we bought the whole shelf — Prime, Feastables, JoyRide, Fruit Blox, Hot Ones, Gordon Ramsay meals, and more — and we’re tasting every single one on camera. By the end, we find out who is making actual food and who is just selling a logo.

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Cold Open and Creator Product Boom

SPEAKER_05

There's only one factory that makes the saltbury steak. But did you do this research? Oh yeah. A hula hand and a those tips. The only one.

SPEAKER_04

He's talking about the restaurant hula hand. Oh yeah. We know you made it up. We can tell.

SPEAKER_02

So it seems like in today's day and age, every single creator with a following has got a product of some sort or another. Everything from drinks to protein shakes and snacks, microwaveable meals, pizzas, you name it, it's out there. All of them are claiming to be excellent. Well, me and the boys have decided that their only true way to put all that to the test is to consume absolutely every single bit of it on today's episode. With you guys following along for all of it. So Joe and Sam have sourced some of what I think is the most ridiculous YouTuber and celebrity meals from across the entire internet. And uh today we're gonna try them, and we're gonna rank them out of ten, and then at the end, basically give you our breakdown of all of them. This one should be a lot of fun, and I'm actually kind of excited because there's some new shit out here that I didn't even know existed. Like Mr. V's got chocolate milk now.

SPEAKER_04

He has protein chocolate milk in the case.

SPEAKER_02

Protein chocolate milk.

SPEAKER_05

And regular chocolate milk. They're putting the protein in everything. No one asked the protein if it wanted to be a part of any of these snacks or beverages.

SPEAKER_02

I think it's a better move though than like some of the other moves being made. Like removing protein and going with like all vegetable.

SPEAKER_05

Fuck, they put the trans fats in there. I want trans fats.

SPEAKER_02

I remember the trans fats when they when they started marketing chips, it's like it has no trans fats. And everyone's like, what the hell does that mean? Like, I still don't know what it means. But if you know what it means, please let us know. But all right, start us off here, Joe. We

Gordon Ramsay Microwave Meals Taste Test

SPEAKER_02

got some it's it's smelly in here right now, guys. I'll just be honest. We've got a lot going on. Uh there's there's there's some warm stuff, there's some cool stuff. I'm actually pretty pumped.

SPEAKER_04

We're starting with Sam's favorite, the good old Gordon Ramsey. Oh, Jeff.

SPEAKER_02

Now, are you saying Sam's favorite because we know how much this man admires a microwaved meal?

SPEAKER_04

Uh no, I'm saying it because they were right next to the hungry man's in the frozen oil. They probably are just rebranded Hungry Man's.

SPEAKER_02

Do not I don't think so. It looks way better. Do not disrespect Gordon and his body of work by saying that.

SPEAKER_04

If you're saying this and you haven't tested it yet, we had some.

SPEAKER_05

A microwave salisbury steak. There's only one factory that makes the Salisbury steaks.

SPEAKER_02

Did you do this research? No, there it is.

SPEAKER_05

Hulahan and Associates, they're the only ones that make Salisbury steaks. It sounds so made up, dude. Yeah, they were established in the mid-40s. Mid-40s? Yeah, yeah, post-World War II, 1948. Uh they made Salisbury. Strong Irish family. Strong. Yeah, well, Irish roots. They worked.

SPEAKER_02

Do you know the Salisbury steak is a staple in the Irish?

SPEAKER_04

It sounds so made up. It is 100% made up. They're the weavers, man. They're the ones contact. They're the ones that are.

SPEAKER_05

I got the Salisbury steaks for the encouragement. I'm gonna be the asshole that encores it, and then he's gonna start laughing. Hulahan Salisbury steak company.

SPEAKER_01

Great news. We have infinite computing capacity right at our fingertips here.

SPEAKER_02

Unfortunate time we live in. What? Joe's gonna put that O'Hulahan's claim to the test, and we're gonna test a Salisbury steak for breakfast. Alright. I've never once thought that a breakfast Salisbury steak would be in my life. This is the first time. Yeah, that was a complete lie. Yeah, 100% lie. There's no doubt that was.

SPEAKER_04

It's not oh hula hands, they're just a hula hands. Like. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, who wait.

SPEAKER_04

He's talking about the restaurant hula hands. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just called him, he put an O in front of it and thought he was slick. Yeah, but no, no, he's gonna be honest. I just made all that shit up. Amazed there was a hula hand. We know you made it up. We can tell. So Except that time you lied to me about that governor, but he's just grab a piece. Yeah, grab grab a bite. Eat it. You're the ones that you cut the steak already? He doesn't know. You have to read what it is.

SPEAKER_02

You're just eating it. Pull out that box. And do we have any like secondary plates or are we all just sharing?

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna share these just because they're the only ones that require.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, what we've got here, ladies and gentlemen, mostly gentlemen. Sorry, ladies, for your gentlemen and them watching us. Um we've got Gordon Ramsay, which it says by Chef Ramsey is the is the name of the brand, I think. This is a Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes. It's seasoned ground steak patty with caramelized onions, gravy, and mashed potatoes. Um, I'll say on a looks side, side by side there on the on the visual, let's get a punch in there. I know the post-production team loves when I ask for stuff like this. So it looks nothing like the photo. Just going straight up. That's that's a bowl of mush. Uh uh. Mush bowl.

SPEAKER_05

Steak's different. That one looks like it. Mush bowl. It tastes just like any micro.

SPEAKER_02

370 calories per bowl. So I will say this, Joe. 370 calories for the whole bowl. Want to take a guess at the protein?

SPEAKER_04

Probably 11 grams. 15. That was close.

SPEAKER_02

Not a lot, to be honest with you. For 370 calories, you want to be you should be closer to like 2530. Let's be honest with you.

SPEAKER_04

I don't think you're buying that thinking I need to get my protein intake.

SPEAKER_02

You're 100% not. I won't get into the ingredients list because well, I can't read that much. But here you go, Joe. Straight out of the gate. I'm going, slopping up just a bunch of it. Let's get the let's get the bowels moving here, huh?

SPEAKER_04

Just save something for me.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think I can understand why Salisbury steak exists. I it's a cheeseburger. Yeah, but it's it's the gravy that's on there.

SPEAKER_05

It's another I get it, but why can't it just be like a gravy and mashed potato cheeseburger? It doesn't roll off the tongue as well. It's marketing. You should know you market that a lot better, be like, it's a Salisbury steak. It sounds like a treat. It sounds like it's something elevated. I mean, that's solid. I'd eat it again.

SPEAKER_02

Come on, that's hungry man. No, that tastes nothing. That steak is that steak is leaps and bounds better than the hungry man.

SPEAKER_05

You we don't know because you never even tried the hungry man one, but I'm telling you that's hungry man. I believe in Gordon. I trust Gordon. Gordon, Gordon, you can feed me whatever you want, dude. This man doesn't even know the food that's being made. He just said you need to get five million, put my face on it. Joe's gonna finish it. Oh my god. You guys are hypocrites.

SPEAKER_04

You ate the hungry man too. No, I didn't. You threw it away. Didn't I? Yeah, you didn't even let us know.

SPEAKER_05

We need to get a hungry man. This is lit. If you like this, this is hungry man. I don't like it. I said I'd eat it. I finished it. I'm not going out of my way to get it. I feel like the packaging looks so bad. This doesn't look real. This looks like a prank me.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta go with you on that one. It looks horrible. Like, Gordon, that's the best you can do. Like, do this, this man. Terrible. Has three Michelin stars, I think. That's the best we got.

SPEAKER_05

For a frozen meal, I'm kind of impressed. Oh god, it says it contains a bio-engineered ingredient. Look at the ingredients list, bro.

SPEAKER_02

This is why you don't eat those. Wow, that's a lot. Like my factor, I get factor meals. Hashtag not sponsored. Hashtag was sponsored. Hashtag would take another sponsor. Uh it's a lot of hashtags. They go bad in a week. Like these don't go bad.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so let's try this other one. And then what's the other one?

SPEAKER_02

Give me the box. Give me the box. Give me the box. Actually, you read the box. Lemon caper chicken. Read it in your Irish accent since the Holy Hands created it.

SPEAKER_05

See, an herb crusted chicken breast cutlet with seasoned potatoes, broccoli florets, and a velvety white wine lemon caper sauce. 390 cals.

SPEAKER_04

Another 15 grams? 23, huh?

SPEAKER_02

18. 28 grams of carbohydrates. So these are carb heavy. Also contains bioengineered ingredients. Looks considerably closer to the box, though.

SPEAKER_04

Looks way better.

SPEAKER_02

Go ahead, take a take a slice out of it. Take a slice out of that. I'm actually very impressed though with the calories. Like the lowness of the calories.

SPEAKER_04

You just bite your fork? My wife does that. That uh like gives me the.

SPEAKER_02

Do you just not have any concept of where the fork is when you put it in your mouth?

SPEAKER_05

This is where these oh too much. This is where these meals kind of run into trouble whenever they try to like the Salisbury steak, they can just grind whatever mystery meat they want into a nice patty. This they have to get an actual like hormone-injected chicken. I feel like this chicken is a no.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm gonna have to argue completely against. You like that one? I mean, when it comes to microwave chicken, one, you're you're you're teetering a line there. Well. Because you gotta make sure it's not too dry, pre pre-cook, and then when it gets frozen, whatever. That's solid for microwave chicken fruit. I mean, I just I finished the whole thing.

SPEAKER_05

The sauce is good. I don't like the chicken though. Because it kind of tastes like a chicken picata.

SPEAKER_02

It does taste like a chicken picata. It's like super But that's basically exactly what it is. It's just they just called it lemon caper chicken. If you ever made chicken picata, it literally is just capers in the hair. Now I think this has like a uh this this the breading that might be a panko on this one. Obviously, it doesn't get crispy. Can you cook it in the oven?

Ranking The Frozen Meals

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. Alright, so now it's time we got we gotta rank these suckers, right? Now what are we what are we ranking them on? Joe, give them the breakdown. One is the worst, ten is the best.

SPEAKER_04

Alright. I mean, do we want to do this on the scale of food in general? Because these are YouTube products.

SPEAKER_02

Well, they're completely different across the board, too. Correct.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's correct. I say let's just pick their category. But we're not waiting them on like a YouTuber only list. Like because they make products and they're just general, like how was that micro meal?

SPEAKER_02

You agree?

SPEAKER_04

I got mine.

SPEAKER_02

I got mine.

SPEAKER_04

You guys ready? Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02

7.825 for me. Joe, what are you doing over there? 5'8.

SPEAKER_04

I I didn't like the chicken one. 5'8, Crayton. A chicken kind of just a little mushy. I like the Salisbury steak. I don't like microwave meals, so I I don't know like what a 10 is for.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I guess, I guess I was gonna say Joe doesn't nuke his food. I don't know what like a good Sam and I are over here just like pro-microwave cancer vibes.

SPEAKER_04

See, to me, that that's a great rating for microwave food, but I don't know what a microwave food in general, like you're looking at it.

SPEAKER_02

Can you actually swallow it? I think you get just immediately above a five, right? Okay, I'm there. That actually has some flavor to it. It doesn't taste like to me, it didn't taste like it was incredibly processed. But was yours? You could taste the lemon in the lemon caper. Like, um, you know what I mean? Like I'm giving it away.

SPEAKER_04

Sam, what my my score was 5.8. What was your score? 7.5. And what was yours? 7.825. For our audio listeners, I'm gonna we just say our scores.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you know, like Sam and I operate in eighths, so I figured I'd throw one out for us.

SPEAKER_04

Sam, can you toss those? You can toss those boxes.

SPEAKER_02

Um, not a bad, I would say not a bad start though. Going straight out of the gate with Gordon. I love Gordon. I think I think it's actually awesome to see how one absurd of a human being Gordon Ramsey's been for the entirety of his career. And then two, that he still makes makes it work. He's not technically a YouTuber though, so we kind of fake that one.

SPEAKER_05

It is such a contradiction that someone like him makes microwave meals now.

SPEAKER_02

It really is. Really is. But I mean, like, I guess if you want to give people if you're gonna expose yourself to the gen pop that can't afford herbal and never go to one of your like high-end restaurants, he does have his like lower end restaurants.

SPEAKER_04

Alright, up next, I have a surprise. I'll let you guys rip. I have to go grab it while you guys just talk.

SPEAKER_05

We're in a rush here, guys. Wait, is it the what do you grab it?

unknown

Yeah, what's been brewing?

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I have one here.

unknown

Just one?

SPEAKER_05

One of them, the other one's in the pot.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, um Gordon, I Gordon has like normal restaurants too, doesn't he?

SPEAKER_05

Uh when you say normal, what do you like? He has a Gordon Ramsay restaurant that he has in like Vegas and stuff.

SPEAKER_02

But he has like I think he's got some Michelin stars. Like he's got some higher end restaurants.

SPEAKER_05

They're like hard to get into, right? Oh, I didn't know that. I don't know. I'm not sure. What do you say? Which one's in the uh the second one. Uh what's the the plain yellow bag? What's that one?

YouTuber Coffee Enters The Chat

SPEAKER_05

Top of the morning. Top of the morning. The plain yellow bags in here.

SPEAKER_02

Guys, like, why are we being all cryptic? We have YouTuber coffee. YouTuber coffee. So this is I kind of draw the line at YouTuber coffee. Like you draw the line, you won't drink it or you will drink it. No, no, no, no, obviously I'll drink it, but like I there's so many variables in coffee. Which one do you have? This is the yellow bag. Who's the YouTuber?

SPEAKER_05

Emma Chamberlain? This is the Chamberlain coffee.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so then these two are the top of the boring. Who the hell's that? I'm gonna tell you that right now. It's someone famous.

SPEAKER_02

More famous than Sam? I feel like we gotta get Sam. So I it's if you were to make your own actually, if you were to develop a flavor profile for coffee for me, what would be in it? Three things.

SPEAKER_05

Like see, it's it's hard because I feel like the things I would put in it for you are things that you wouldn't like in coffee. Like, I feel like there'd be like no, throw that all aside. Nothing to do with my personal tastes. Probably like I'd want it to have like some notes of like bourbon. It'd have to be like an extremely dark roast. I feel like you like a very bold kind of coffee flavor. Maybe this would be a wild card one, but maybe just a little bit of maple syrup. Like that's how we'd finish it off. Just a little bit of like kind of the lumberjack.

SPEAKER_02

See, if I was to make the pula profile, it would it would taste like a gas station smells. It'd be very mellow, it'd be lukewarm. Easy drinking, be lukewarm, only in a ceramic mug, only in a ceramic mug or a plastic cup, no middle ground, no, no stainless there, right? There's no special and none none of it's clean. Okay. Two. I'm throwing hints of tobacco, right? Cheap beer. I don't know if you could get that in a coffee. You can't, all right, right? And then a little bit of motor oil to finish it off. That's what I want the flavor prof pull a profile. Like, I feel like that bodies you like you're drinking that 247, 365. Also, not a 2x caffeine, but like a 1.25 caffeine. Like it's a little bit more caffeinated than a normal cup, right? But it's not like eyeballs twitching. Borderline heart attack coffee. Preferred brew method, drip pot. Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Preferred brew method, however, you can get it, son. Get some hot water in it. You can go cowboy style, you can go your good old-fashioned drip pot, you can go gas station bathroom. Like you get it as you get it.

SPEAKER_05

You ever got served any ads for this uh that rise coffee, that mushroom stuff? The AI ads are getting out of control. They're like, this will fix your whole life. I have seen those for years. We tried the mushroom thing though. It was so hard, that mud water. Yeah. It was it was fine. It was so hard to drink. You do not get any sort of a caffeine buzz off of it.

SPEAKER_02

It's just a straight placebo like these cases.

Sponsor Break First Form Protein

SPEAKER_02

Real quick, while the boys and I are testing all this junk, I want to take a second to talk about something that's not junk. And that's this week's sponsor, First Form. I'm a huge fan of First Form. So are the guys. They've got some of the most high quality ingredients that you can get. They're doing some of the best research in order to make their products. And I personally think they taste incredible, better than some of the stuff we're testing on the show today. Specifically, their Formula One whey protein. I mix it with water. It tastes better than some of the junk we're trying today. This is the chocolate milkshake. If you're into milkshakes and uh chocolate specifically, the flavor's incredible. Not to mention, it's literally 110 calories per scoop, and you're getting 23 grams of protein. So the macros are also amazing. If you're trying to get more protein in your diet, which you should be. Personally, I love it. The chocolate, the vanilla. There's also like this like a mighty charm flavor that I personally have already finished, and it's an awesome. They've got a bunch of different flavors that you can check out. And first form's so awesome that if you do try them out, they're gonna give you five free protein sticks in your order. All you gotta do is add something to your cart, they automatically get populated. Use the link we have in the description for you. And if you don't like it, they're gonna give you 110% money back. You literally have nothing to lose. So thank you, First Form, for letting us do this shenanigans that we do and for making awesome products. And uh also giving the slightly above average audience the opportunity to try them themselves. Now, let's get back to testing.

Brewing Arguments and Coffee Rankings

SPEAKER_04

So on your screen is for the Sean McLaughlin, and I don't know the other person. Who is Sean McLaughlin?

SPEAKER_05

Jack Sepesticide. Oh, Jack Septici. Isn't he like a he's like a gamer YouTuber, right? I don't know. I'm almost like.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, so I'm I'm all in for supporting like the move towards the coffee market. I just don't understand how they're differentiating. So there's so much.

SPEAKER_04

Try it. This isn't the black mug. This is top of the morning. So this is top of the morning. Oh, you don't have top of the morning, hold on. I got a cup here though. Would you taste some taste?

SPEAKER_02

Where'd you make that in?

SPEAKER_04

Uh don't tell him.

SPEAKER_02

Did you make it in the drip? Yeah. That tastes like hot water. That coffee sucks.

SPEAKER_04

I feel bad. It's almost like doing them a disservice. It tastes better than the Maxwell House. See, this is why didn't you guys do a French press?

SPEAKER_05

Did you let him? Number one. Number one, the grind is right for the grind isn't right for a French press. It's already pre-ground. It's not a good thing. Which is also, I will say this, like you're doing a disservice to the coffee if it's coming pre-ground. But I will say though, like, as I've gotten older, like I like just like an easy drinking diner style drip coffee like this, where you could just gas them one after another. We know you do. You love that. It's why you just said the pull of the pull of profile. Yeah, this is fine. This coffee's fine. Coffee sucks.

SPEAKER_02

It's nothing special, but it's it's got no nose, it's got no flavors, there's no depth, there's nothing on the tongue, the heat's off. It tastes like water, it tastes like water.

SPEAKER_05

If you were a 1950s newark detective, this is what you would be sipping while you're working on a case.

SPEAKER_04

It is very watery, but it's a light roast, so what do you expect?

SPEAKER_02

I will say I don't prefer a light roast, but un unbenounced to what you said, I don't prefer a dark roast. Oh, really? I'm I'm much more of a snob in regards to how the coffee's made because I feel like when you make it wrong, you just you're not getting as much juice for the squeeze.

SPEAKER_04

So let's rank top of the morning and then we'll come back and do so.

SPEAKER_02

Just general coffee. I mean, what does that get you? Like what I spend money on it. Also, what did that cost?

SPEAKER_04

What is the number you'd spend money on? Can we clarify? Like, if it's above a seven, you'd spend money on it below.

SPEAKER_02

I'd go out of my way to get the coffee. At seven?

SPEAKER_04

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, like when would you spend money? Six.

SPEAKER_02

Six plus if I'm in the store, I'm grabbing it. Like, like you're a bag of lama. Okay. That's where we got this ranking.

SPEAKER_04

All right, and when we turn well one at a time, say your scores for those audio listeners we so much love. Are you guys ready?

SPEAKER_02

I do forget that people just listen to us, and I thank you if you're one of them. Because that's the most sufferable way to take us in, I think. The most pleasant is obviously getting the look at that while he speaks, but like you just listen to me blabber. I thank you. You rule. Three, two, one, six, three, five. There's no I would never go out of my way to buy that again. I think I I I might say it's because I it could have been made wrong, but that had nothing special going on.

SPEAKER_04

See, I feel like I think that's better than Maxwell House.

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't. I think it's the same. I'm just saying, I think if you are. So you should get like notes of literally something when you drink coffee. Something. Not necessarily.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you should get a nose, uh the you should get something on your tongue. What about cowboys in the old west? Do you think when they were huddled around a campfire, they're like, What about the notes? Sam, we're not living in the old west.

SPEAKER_02

Also, if you go and watch how to make a proper cup of cowboy coffee, yeah, you're getting a smooth, very, very intense, flavorful coffee.

SPEAKER_05

The man who has a very great video on how to make coffee is uh, who's that man? Is it Phil from Duck Dynasty? Have you ever seen his coffee instructional video where he has the drip pot? Yeah. And you just scoop it. So I will scoop it. Who made it? You or you? I didn't make the coffee.

SPEAKER_02

You made it. It was Dan. I saw us. Oh, yeah, I saw him making it this morning. Okay, bullshit. So I would there's that video, and then there's also out in Brown. So one thing that's important when you're making drip coffee is like you want almost more grinds than you think are necessary. Never go off of the bag. You gotta basically get like the volume in there because the the way it works is as the water comes down through, it pulls the flavor out of the grind. And the essentially, if there's not enough grinds in it, it just it just becomes flavorless as you get towards the the end of the drip, and then that mixes in it tastes like crap.

SPEAKER_05

See, whenever I make drip coffee, I do it like that. I'll do like a tablespoon per cup. But when I do that here, everyone's like, this is way too strong. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they're all full of shit, Sam. You make that coffee for me and you, everyone else gets to drink it. All right, that's it. It's a blessing for them. Well, no, it's it that's what happens. I it was probably underground in the in the drip, and that's why I feel like there's nothing in there. So all right, let's get on to Emma's because when this hit the market, dude, absolutely exploded.

SPEAKER_04

There were a few products I couldn't find, but absolutely exploded. There was one that was uh Charlie D'EMilio, the D'Emelio family, you know them? Mega Family. The TikTok picks? Yeah, they made popcorn.

unknown

Jesus.

SPEAKER_02

Love that. I do love it. I will say I got served a popcorn maker. I gotta bring this thing in. I wonder if it you buy it, yeah. Oh, aren't they the best? So so there's a company, it's called like I don't know, I can't remember right now. I I I was not intoxicated, I was stone sober. And like um my daughter, Annie, loves popcorn, right? So she's always like, Can I have hot popcorn? She went with the microwave bag. And I was reading into it someday for whatever reason I made this mistake. There's just a bunch of stuff going on in those popcorn bags that I probably shouldn't be consuming. And so I got served an ad for this like this popcorn, and I bought it. It's the most delectable, incredible popcorn. It's this patented popcorn maker. It's all bougie looking and stuff. And you don't waste any kernels. The volume's incredible, but you can use whatever oil you choose. So like you make it in coconut oil, you get a little coconut oil tastes so much cleaner.

SPEAKER_05

That's what they use in the theaters. I used to have a maker, and I would buy the bags with like it would have like coconut oil and butter and stuff like that. It's so much better than the microwave.

SPEAKER_02

And so, yeah, I got one. It's been great. All right, so. Do we need another? You want to give them another cup? I guess I'll mix this with my good coffee.

SPEAKER_05

Could just gas it. I think this one I brewed a little more strong. Yeah. So the French press is gonna make it in here. No, no. I just I need something to put the coffee in. So I just put it.

SPEAKER_02

Because the French press will make it a better this is.

SPEAKER_05

I used to have a vortex of like this pour over ones. I used to like that also. Chemex? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Sam Green loved Chemex. He's a big coffee snob, though. He can make a good cup. He didn't like so the Chemex pours an incredibly smooth coffee. I will say I do prefer like the espresso style with like a little bit of like a crema head uh more when I have my my coffee. So all right, Emma. You you rich juggernaut of YouTube, you hmm. Bland as hell, guys.

SPEAKER_04

Doesn't taste like anything.

SPEAKER_02

No, it's a light, so like light roasts, don't do it for me. Medium roast at a minimum. The light roast is like if you just like want to like say you drank coffee and you don't know.

SPEAKER_05

That was all she had in stock. Yeah, she sold out of everything. You know, the light roasts are actually more caffeinated than the dark roasts. I always thought it was the opposite.

SPEAKER_02

That's why I think the medium is the best blend. You get more caffeine and more flavor compared to also the the dark roaster, it's when a lot of the oils start to come out. So you're not tasting the actual coffee as much as you're tasting like the oil, which is part of the flavor anyway, but it gets all it gets wild. Coffee's it tastes like water, guys.

SPEAKER_05

I will say though, this one I did eight cups and I did like six heaping tablespoons of the ground.

SPEAKER_02

No, you can get if you do take a nice mouthful and let it like in there. I'd say it's a lot more fruity. I am getting the fruit. I am getting that sweetness on the app.

SPEAKER_05

And like that's bar none, it's more than the other cup.

SPEAKER_02

Like Yeah. Yeah, I definitely like this one a little bit more. Alright, let's rank them up. We're wasting too much time here. Sam Joe is giving us that look of we are babbling. Sorry, we've been into babble from time to time.

SPEAKER_05

He knows we love our coffee. Six point okay. I got it. We got the same number here. If we have the same number, we trade cars today. Deal. Three, two, one, show.

SPEAKER_02

6.3.1. All right. So I'm only putting for me, I want 6.1 because one, I I really think the way Emma Chamberlain goes about running her business as a creator, I like supporting it. The coffee, I would just buy it for that reason. The flavor did nothing for me. Um, so I wanted to put her above my buying threshold. Because uh, that's what it is for me. And it did have probably twice the flavor of the last one.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

For me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it wasn't bad.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so now that we're caffeinated, what have we got? There's no like there I want maybe we should do it. We've got we get a lot of people that want us to do like co-branded products like this that reach out. And like, I just don't think there's a lot of upside in making money on it for us. Um, but like I want just like a someone making just like a your your your workshop gritty, like, like kind of almost gross coffee. Uh I I'd kind of be down for that. Like, why isn't that why don't we have that?

SPEAKER_04

Like, where's like these coffees have like mold in them?

SPEAKER_02

What yeah, we're not even getting into that. I'd say where's like Weston Chamblin's coffee, right? Like that dude just eats like dirt and asphalt and builds cool shit. Like, I want his coffee.

SPEAKER_05

We should we should do that with a coffee, and we could even go off the mold thing. Everyone's like, oh, ours doesn't have the mold. We tested it. Ours might have it, you know what? You so be it. Are you are you afraid of it? Are you afraid of it?

SPEAKER_02

All right, so honestly, I went into this rabbit hole a decade ago, and that's I'm probably why I'm so particular on my coffee. Single origin whole bean is the best you're gonna get and mitigate the mold uh that comes with your coffee post-roast. It's not going into vats, it's not getting mixed with other stuff. The single origin is keeping, you know, there's you can get it, great. That's why I won't say what brand. I've always liked a brand. I mean, I don't really sport them anymore. I don't buy them as often as I used to, but that's how they did things.

SPEAKER_05

It's so mysterious. I don't know what brand.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I know what brand. Yeah, people get pissed off about it. I mean, Folgers. Yeah, Folgers, baby. They used to be single origin, and then Mighty came out.

SPEAKER_04

I definitely didn't know. I thought you were talking about someone else. Yeah, Black Rifle. Yeah, that's what I thought you were talking about for some right being crazy.

SPEAKER_02

Single Origin. They're like coffee snobs down there. Uh, always love their stuff. People just get so fired up about the brand for some reason.

SPEAKER_04

What do you guys want to taste next? We got chocolates,

Jerky Bites Versus Gas Station Sticks

SPEAKER_04

we got some meat sticks, we got some snacks, we got some sticks.

SPEAKER_02

We just did a beverage. Let's get into a little bite, huh?

SPEAKER_04

Meat sticks. You want to do meat sticks? You want to do the fruit blocks? We could do chocolate, whatever you guys want to do.

SPEAKER_02

You want to do the meat, the decent meat sticks? How many different feastable products do we have up here?

SPEAKER_04

A lot. I mean, he just came out with a whole bunch. Chocolate milk is new. Those uh those Reese cups are new. Milk. What? Chocolate milk? Chocolate milk.

SPEAKER_02

I thought you stumbled on that. So it's something different. Chocolate milk. Give me that milk.

SPEAKER_05

Unwell. All right. Who is Max Jerky? Should we try? Max Jerky's Kansas City sweet heat beef stick bites. Max Jerky, he's a big YouTuber. In case you were unfamiliar with where Kansas City is, he has a uh map of the entire world. So whose whose channel is it? I don't know. Max.

unknown

Max.

SPEAKER_05

Max the Meat Guy?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Yeah, he's got a big channel.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, wait, is he uh is he the dude uh he used to be on Mythical Kitchen or something?

SPEAKER_02

No. No. No, I'm pretty sure he's just a big, uh, big proponent of grilling meats. Can you Google him?

SPEAKER_05

I think I know who's I'll say one thing off the bat I don't like about these. These kind of they look like those little dog treats. We have these for Winston, they look almost identical.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I'm talking about. You got five grams of protein. A serving is one ounce. There's six servings per container. So you'd have to weigh them. Usually it'll say about, you know, how many there are, but it's not on there. Joe. Oh, I've seen this guy before. Yeah. Maximika. He does some good stuff. Some experimental stuff. Very cinematic shooting. Good thumbnails. We've actually used them for inspo. This stuff blows up every time. Good channel. Does a great job. Food content, man. Why did we not do that? I thought it was jerky. It is. Meat stick. Alright, here we go. Three, two, one. Ow! So claiming. It's an artisanal quality with global flavors. It's a small batch. And it has a medium spice level. I sense zero spice.

SPEAKER_04

Got a little, it's not spicy, but I could feel it on the back end a little bit. Like it's trying to be, it wants to be spicy, but it's not.

SPEAKER_02

I see that as I'm talking and it goes up my nose.

SPEAKER_05

It's definitely it's nothing, it's nothing spectacular, but I will say there are times you go to a gas station, you get just like a bag of jack-links or something, and it just tastes like extremely processed. I feel like this is this tastes a little more fresh.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, there's not a lot of there's no insane uh like uh ingredients on them either. I'll say that beef sugar, honey powder, salt, spices, onion and garlic powder, uh smoke flavor, molasses powder, uh cane sugar, cane molasses, caramel coloring, natural spices, uh vinegar, citric acid, sodium nitrate, habanero powder, and a colored collagen casing. That's it. I am getting that same aftertaste.

SPEAKER_05

I'm getting that same aftertaste you're talking about. The heat does come in at the end there.

SPEAKER_04

It's not hot, but it's like it wants to be hot, but it's not.

SPEAKER_05

Get another one.

SPEAKER_02

I don't like that they're like dog treats.

SPEAKER_04

I don't like how they're logs. I like a stick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They probably do sell it in a stick. As you know, it's like lumber. The smaller you buy it, the more expensive it gets.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_02

The further away from the tree, you know.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, this is a good. Why don't we rate this and then we'll go to the Mr. Beast's James, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Okay. Um, it's it is sweet, I will say, like, considerably. I don't usually lean towards the sweeter meat.

SPEAKER_04

I just got a smokiness little case.

SPEAKER_02

And then that's yeah. You gotta get that second one in. Compared to I will. So I like a more natural casing taste. Like I like the uh the snap. The snap of a natural style casing. Now, this is a collagen casing, which is not I don't think it's unnatural. I just think it's like manufactured instead of being like a pig intestine, which I don't think we get much of these days. Yeah. You know, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_05

See, I honestly don't like an intense snap. Like, if I like you don't like a snap? No, if I get like Kabasi or something, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

Like that soft mouth. You guys ready? Three, two, one, six point five. Seven point five. Okay. Eight.

SPEAKER_02

See, I like it more than pretty much everything Slim Jim makes in a stick. I like it more than we did that like random blind testing. Like probably half of those that we did the when I had to eat all those meat sticks, you were just jamming them in my mouth. It's solid. I'd buy I personally, if I was on the shelf at the gas station, I'd buy again.

SPEAKER_04

Not being biased first form sticks that they sent, like those were gas.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, those are fire.

SPEAKER_04

Those are so good. So I'm comparing it to that. Like, if that's my top rating, this is a little bit below.

SPEAKER_02

So like these are like more like a nibbly, you know.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but I'd put those like a nine personally.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. I would give I would have given that more of an eight like Sam did if it was a full stick.

SPEAKER_02

Probably, yeah. Joe Joe, big, big, big demotion because it's bite size. We don't do bite size around.

SPEAKER_04

I want to make my own bite size. Right. I you know what?

SPEAKER_02

I respect that. I do. Poor perspective. So regardless of the bigger. Let's do the jack links now.

SPEAKER_04

No, the the jack links. Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, they're made by. We'll do a little clear the pallet, boys. Clear the pallet. Let me let me get a read on these. Let me get a read. Oh, they're sticks. So straight out of the gate. Two sticks is 130 calories with six grams of protein. Not a great protein snack, if you're asking me, for the caloric intake. We got beef water. Contains 2% or less of encapsulated lactic acid salt flavors, salt, yeast extract, dehydrated tomato, cultured celery extract. Like these ingredients for me just are like way wilder. Yeah. Like, what the hell is a cultured celery extract? Just like grandma used to use. Yeah. Anyway. I'm not a You got the double wrap too on that, which we all know doesn't work. Zero sugar.

SPEAKER_04

100% beef. I don't trust shit that says that sometimes.

SPEAKER_02

So they look I mean they look real. Jack Lynx has continued in my my personal experience to just go downhill.

SPEAKER_05

Why are they advertising zero sugar so big?

SPEAKER_02

Because a lot of people, a lot of beef jerky has a lot of sugar in it. Yeah. And it's because, like, how else do you get flavor into there? So oily a little bit. It's got a good jerky smell.

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_05

See, this just tastes like full processed garbage. It does.

SPEAKER_03

That's terrible.

SPEAKER_05

It's leaving like a powdery residue on the right? It's like.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That's not it. There's just a it just doesn't taste like meat. It's weird.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not gonna be finishing that one.

SPEAKER_02

I'll finish it for the sake of not having a trash can nearby. But I don't hate the flavor, to be honest with you. You just get to that size.

SPEAKER_04

He's just doing anything at this point, Jimmy. I mean, like texture sucks.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. This is super indicative of what I'd expect from Jack Lynx. Like, I'm not eating jacklinks thinking I'm getting like some high quality jerky.

SPEAKER_04

But you would think like his feastables, we'll try them. They're not like they're okay.

SPEAKER_02

Like they're just he did a good job of feastables of like bringing the ingredient list down, but but you he's comfortable putting his name on that. Jerky's weird for me because like you can make it at home, right? Like now, granted, I can make like chocolate at home, but it's not a lot more involved than that. Jerky, you could like cut something to throw it in dehydrated, you got jerky. It might taste like shit and be rock hard and like dry, but like it's not that much of a process. To get it to be shelf stable, that's where the problems in line.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I've never liked jack links. I feel like I wouldn't have as much of a problem with them if it was like just a little cheaper, but you go to a gas station, it's like $15.

SPEAKER_02

Prices are out of control. Oh, it's horrible. When lumber came back down, jerky went straight to the moon. And so jerky and gas right now are just killing the worst man. I'm gonna, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

You guys ready? Ready. Three, two, one. I give it a two. Five point one. Three point five.

SPEAKER_02

See, I'm looking at it and I'm saying I trust feastables. I don't like jacklings. I'm probably gonna buy it before brands I've never heard of before just because of that.

SPEAKER_04

I'd starve myself. You would rather starve.

SPEAKER_02

I'd like that shit.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I'd eat any other brand. That was just horrific. I don't like the oily, it just tastes all processed. It just doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02

It does taste completely processed. But I mean, I've just had a lot of jerkies, and I'm gonna say like the bar's pretty low right now.

SPEAKER_05

See, I'm not opposed to something processed if they get the good food scientific. If it tastes good, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like the beat.

SPEAKER_02

So I agree. I like the Dukes links. I think they're Dukes. Dukes links.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Dukes links. What are you making shit up?

SPEAKER_04

You over here hallucinating again.

SPEAKER_02

I might be. What the heck? They're not a yeah, I can't remember. All right, well, let's get something sweet. Let's get out of the damn. Those are we have no more jerkies. Should we do it? We should have got some of Flair's jerky. He actually sent that to us, and I think all of us liked it. Yeah, Dukes Links. Oh, oh, oh. I know Dukes. That shit's good. Hickory Peach Barbecue. I'm not a fan of these, like a lot of the barbecue guys are really into sweet stuff. I love those hatch green chili ones and their originals. I'll smoke a bag of those. Smoke them.

SPEAKER_04

Why wouldn't you just eat it? Why do you gotta smoke it?

SPEAKER_02

Get more flavor out of it if you smoke.

SPEAKER_04

They did send me a pull it too much just smoking, man. Jeez.

SPEAKER_02

Um all right. So we got no more, no more jerky. Should we jump into something sweet? No more meat.

Fruit Blocks and Low Sugar Candy

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you said that. We could do whatever sweet you want. We could do the fruit blocks or we could do tray hands.

SPEAKER_02

Let's do the joy rack. Both, okay. Next to each other. I've actually never had any of Treyhand stuff.

SPEAKER_04

Let's do fruit blocks and then let's let's do Trey Hands. We'll do Trey Hands after.

SPEAKER_02

We had fruit blocks before. I still prefer to buy a different brand.

SPEAKER_04

We know why.

SPEAKER_05

Who makes these?

SPEAKER_04

To be fair, let's preface. John's going to very biasly rate this food. No, I'm not. John hates this guy. What is unspeakable?

SPEAKER_05

Can I see his? You've seen his own. It looks like the Mr.

SPEAKER_02

Font. I've seen this. Maybe real fruit juice. No red 40. I do like that. I will say that there's some like like the Welches. They're tasty, but they're just gas full of it. I love fruit juice. I'm not gonna say anything. Wow.

SPEAKER_04

Makes the kids' content.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I can tell.

SPEAKER_03

What do you mean you wouldn't watch this? Man, I They're pretty solid. These suck, dude. These taste kind of stale. There's not they're stale. And there's no flavor. Yeah, I like them. I thought they were always pretty solid. Maybe your bags are bad. My bag's pretty much stale.

SPEAKER_02

I mean I it doesn't change if you eat the whole bag either.

SPEAKER_05

It's giving me like the consistency of like dots. You know, like dots that like stick in your teeth. Yep. And I don't like that in a gummy.

SPEAKER_02

I sell a box, I think a helmet Costco. It's called like nature's something. They're organic. I was thinking slap. I eat hundreds of those. Yes, isn't it? There's not a lot of flavor in that. I love gummy bears too. Like Starburst Skittles, gummies.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Let's see. Gosh, what do I even rate that? Just all candies?

SPEAKER_02

Yikes. No, just gummies. They're all stuck in my teeth. I think I have to sign up a bad gummy.

SPEAKER_04

Alright.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm not a fan of this.

SPEAKER_04

Three, two, one. I think I would have five. 2.2. 4.5. Yeah. I think there's worse out there.

SPEAKER_05

I actually might agree the only thing worse. I was gonna say I actually might agree with John on this one.

SPEAKER_04

Oh no. Last time we had them, maybe that's the flavor of those. You were gassing those. Maybe they're older. We had them drinking. I guess he did quit drinking on the job, but it's changed his perspective on a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02

HR got real pissed. Hank's getting old and put the hammer down. So I've never had Joyride.

SPEAKER_04

So you can toss toss a bag, so each get one.

SPEAKER_02

So I'm uh honestly, like, I'm very personal life, anti like egregious amounts of freaking sugary gummies.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, wait, off the Tossi's backpull, I lied. What? We don't have there's only two bags per. I didn't get three. Sorry. We can share eat full bags. I guess that we're gonna go. You must start there?

SPEAKER_02

This is Trey Hand's favorite. 80% less sugar. So just so you guys know, when things when gummies have less sugar and they're still super sweet, there's usually an insane amount of fiber added into it. It's probably good for the kids.

SPEAKER_04

I will say that there is a lot of stuff on the line that like these will make you shit.

SPEAKER_02

You shit your brains out. Just straight up. Just so you know. So they're gonna be tasty, but the poops are coming.

SPEAKER_00

Alright.

SPEAKER_02

The poops are coming. Alright, so we're gonna start with these, I guess.

SPEAKER_05

Nine grams of fiber.

SPEAKER_04

How do you even get these out, man? This is uh we're losing points.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so love tray hand. I think these probably were supposed to be served at a little bit of a different temperature, huh? What is this supposed to be a replication of? Or is this like a thing? I've never had this type of candy. I feel like this used to be a sour strip.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, didn't airheads used to make this?

SPEAKER_04

It's just not really too much flavor, but like they're they're okay.

SPEAKER_02

Honestly, I feel like the YouTuber I like that way more than I like the block. Yeah, this is better than the blocks. It tastes way closer to like a natural food, I feel like. Got fruit roll-up vibes, a little thicker, a lot of sugar. I'm not a fan of like that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, it's not bad at all.

SPEAKER_02

You get it, you get the flavor after you swallow. Like I get the blue raspberry after she's dying. Down the throat. Like now my blue raspberry's in the mouth. While I was chewing it, it wasn't there.

SPEAKER_05

I feel like it's kind of a good sign a lot of these companies are trying to be like a less sugar, no artificial uh colors. That it's not like a blue, it's kind of like a dirty maroon, which I'm hoping. Yeah, it's a yeah, no artificial dyes, no synthetic color.

SPEAKER_04

Alright, let's go with cherry berry rope.

SPEAKER_02

So is a cherry berry rope supposed to be close to like licorice?

unknown

Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_04

No, I think they make like candy ropes.

SPEAKER_02

Candy guys, I'm big on the candy game.

SPEAKER_04

Sweet Tarts makes ropes. I crush them all the time at movie theater.

SPEAKER_02

Really?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

See. I like that a lot. Yeah, this isn't bad. I like that a lot.

SPEAKER_04

So you know you know what's so terrible? This is good. I just prefer the over-sugared ones.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Plant-based 70% less sugar. Yeah, so you're gonna shit your pants. I will say. If I'm subbing out a highly, highly sugared candy, it's a good option. I think it's a great option.

SPEAKER_03

That's I mean, like that's probably. Who makes it sweet tarts or sweet tart ropes or something?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. You're gonna you're gonna have to be our rope aficionado here. I've never I've never had a gummy rope. I've had like I I think my cap on the candy side of things would have been on the pull apart twizzliers. These I crushed these. Those? Yeah, those are what how many calories are in? Probably like a billion. Just like uh hit the hit the top arrow at the top there. Give us the back. Does it give us the I think it has to? Yeah, there we go. Two ropes is a hundred calories, four ropes is eighty on this. So there's your math. It's like two point something cows. That has how much sugar? 15 grams of sugar.

SPEAKER_04

13.

SPEAKER_02

This has got five per serving. So like you're getting a lot more sugar. They probably taste better. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_04

They are. They taste a lot better.

SPEAKER_02

But if you're like a bird substitute.

SPEAKER_04

But I always feel like shit after, like, you know, sugar crash.

SPEAKER_02

And some of the movies you've been forced to go to lately, I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do to get through them, bro. What are you talking about? I know what you're talking about. What do you mean? Those rom coms that you keep telling us you're getting forced to go to.

SPEAKER_04

No comment. I haven't been in the movie theater after like in at least a month.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You saw that one. I haven't been since we saw Hell Mary. You guys weakened. Okay, so I wasn't expecting the look of these.

SPEAKER_04

Neither was I. I I love the Sour Patch. Sorry, I'm a big sweets person. Sour Patch Kids makes a watermelon one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I just got them for my kids. Wow. Wow. Way more watermelony than I was expecting. And I love that. 80% more sugar on these. That's phenomenal. Oh, Sam ripped the calories off. So we got 60 cows. We're about 11 of them. 8 grams of fiber. Four grams of sugar.

SPEAKER_05

Those are tasty. What are those fiber ratings looking? Like, what is it? Is nine grams a lot?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So gummies are like, I prefer a fruity dessert. So I'll go to like a bag of gummy bears for a snack. I found a company that was making like a healthier version. They were like less calories, blah blah blah. I bought them. I ate like two or three bags, which like normally are like, I mean, I'm talking like this size bag. I couldn't get off the toilet the next day. I'm talking like liquid evacuation because there's that much fiber in them. But that's how they're offsetting the sugar part too. So if you mitigate that, like you could eat that whole box of fruit box, and nothing's gonna happen to you because they're just like little sugar. Made of bums. Yeah, made of sugar. Um, you're just gonna feel like shit and get fat.

SPEAKER_04

That's I I'm thoroughly that just kind of I didn't like the ropes too much, but that changed my whole perspective on joyride.

SPEAKER_05

I usually never like watermelon flavored candy either. That was phenomenal.

SPEAKER_04

They never taste like watermelon, they're just very sugary, and so you crush it.

SPEAKER_05

Flavor. Anything like citrusy, like some of the like orange, lime, lemon. Like I like it like super sour and tart. You know who else makes a really there's another YouTuber that makes really good candy? Uh no, I don't. I forget what his name is. The candy's called Sour Boys, and it's like the same thing where it's like you know, low uh low sugar, low watermelon.

SPEAKER_02

Watermelon? Mine's lime. I love artificial lime. Like I'll always grab the green. I was so pissed. I think I've said this when Skittles switched to green apple, they're back. They brought the lime back. Everyone's pissed. But the green Skittle, everyone thinks Skittles taste the same if you do, you're a psycho. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

But like I said, they have the Sour Patch Kids watermelon. I used to crush them.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah. They're fine.

SPEAKER_04

That's why this is a monumental moment of my life. It just changed my life. Did it? Thanks, Ryan Trehan. Sir just had an experience today. Those were so good. All right, you guys ready? Three, two, one, nine. Yeah, there we go.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, my only downside to those is you just gotta eat them with a toilet. Jesus. You gotta eat them with a toilet nearby. Like the foulest thing. My bad. I can control it.

SPEAKER_04

Well, let's try the hydration. Let's

Hydration Drinks Unwell Gets Graded

SPEAKER_04

try the unwell. Perhaps a taste.

SPEAKER_02

Through my favorite category. Now to get onto some some some non-favorite category.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02

Unwell. So what is this? What the hell am I looking at here? A bottle of water.

SPEAKER_04

It's a hydration drink. Alex Cooper, uh, caller daddy. This is her drink. It looks like a pepper. So it's an enhanced electrolyte beverage, mango citrus.

SPEAKER_02

I don't understand why I need this pre-made. What's the differentiation here? Why couldn't they put this in a powder or stick? I'm a big fan of the hydration packets. Well, yeah, but you can say with any beverage, can you?

SPEAKER_05

No, you can't get like a diet coke in a packet. The packets are never as good. I got some of those Celsius packets. It doesn't taste the same, man. I thought it would. I don't think it's supposed to. Oh, that makes sense then. I think the Celsius packet's like a hydration packet. Sometimes I feel like we're living in idiocracy. Everything has protein and electrolytes. Like no one's drinking water anymore. It looks super funny.

SPEAKER_02

This is like this is so um, it's timing-wise, it's a sad so like my grandfather was in the hospital all weekend, right? And he was literally in the hospital because he was dehydrated. Oh, really? You're like, how's that possible? But yeah, salt, potassium, magnesium, all of his levels were like awful. And he was delusional, like loopy, and he gets in there, they're like, Yeah, you're incredibly dehydrated, and you know that was it? Yeah, I mean it's UTI, but like it wasn't anything except for being hit. So I think that's why the emphasis is a lot on hydration, is because people just like aren't drinking water, they're just not drinking enough anything. Let's get him a case of unwells. I'll take him, we'll go to the hospital after this. Cheers, boys. All right, so it smells good. Mango citrus.

SPEAKER_04

I've heard some very negative things about these. Smells lovely.

SPEAKER_05

Wow. That is an odd taste. It's an electrolyte drink. That's what it tastes like. You know, the only thing I don't like about it, I don't know if any of you guys are getting this. It's like the slightest bit. It's not that bad. It's like the slightest bit syrupy. Like the water feels thick.

SPEAKER_04

It doesn't taste it's not, I wouldn't drink it again, but it's not that bad.

SPEAKER_02

We've had so here's my thing on the hydration drinks. I want it to either taste like shit and give me the hydration, or just get the f out, give me water. This middle ground of like that tastes like it's a hydration drink that's like faking it. Like it doesn't want to just commit to being like, yeah, we're a full-blown hydration drink here. I want like with it, should be salty, there should be some like flavor in it. That's how you get the electrolytes in it, whatever. This one's like kind of like it's like LaCroix. Yeah, I'll say this. You know what I mean? Like LaCroix, like LaCroix, like someone gave it the essence of a piece of fruit. Right. It does have the essence of a peach. This is what I'm saying. It has the S. I don't like that. I want go all in. That's why I drink Kirkland sparkling water. I will say it's cheaper, it gets delivered to my house.

SPEAKER_05

I kind of like it. I definitely don't dislike it, but the thing that's kind of thrown me for a loop with it is like subconsciously, for whatever reason, the taste of this, my mind's telling me like this is not something you should be consuming. Like you grabbed a cleaner off the shelf or something, and you're Yeah, I'm agreeing with you. But it's kind of good though, also. But my brain's telling me like, don't put this in, Sam. Like, it's gonna it's gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_04

The amount of shit you put in your body, and that's the one thing that sparks that.

SPEAKER_05

It's just but I think it's just a little off. You know, it's a little off about this.

SPEAKER_02

I agree, it's a little off.

SPEAKER_05

It's not bad. It should be it's not good.

SPEAKER_04

I wouldn't drink it again, but it is not the worst thing in the world. I think it should be cold.

SPEAKER_05

That might make the I think that would make the difference. If there was ice in here, I think ice a little bit watered down. Because I personally don't mind when it has like the hint of a flavor. Like I I even like if people do like spritzers or something like that. So you taste a little bit. But I'm not a spritzer guy.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_02

And there would never be a moment in my life that I would ever have a spritzer.

SPEAKER_04

Mix it with some vodka spritzer.

SPEAKER_02

No, I've had it and I was not happy about it, and I haven't had one since. It was at like a like a like a hipster restaurant. Catalina wine mixer. It was delicious. But like, don't give me a spritzer. Just give me a give me the drink or give me get a we move the water. All right, that's right. It's getting kind of better to me the more I sip it. It was better on the second sip. The first one just kind of caught me off. Like, why are you trying to fake it like you're a high?

SPEAKER_04

See, this is tough because we have to do this out of all hydration drinks. I mean So are we throwing like Gatorade into hydration? Yeah, it has to be. That's what I'm saying, though. It has electrolytes.

SPEAKER_05

Like, take that over and Gatorade.

unknown

What?

SPEAKER_04

You drink that over a Gatorade? The only time I like Gatorade.

SPEAKER_05

I'm an athlete. I I only like Gatorade if you cut it with water.

SPEAKER_04

What the f is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_05

It's it's way natural. Just go get Gatorade Zero. That's how it was designed to be consumed. Go get Gatorade Zero. What do you mean? No, it wasn't. Google this. I'm telling you. It was not Googling anything more.

SPEAKER_04

Ever since Ohula Hands, you've lost your Googling request for it. I'm telling you, this one's legit. No. It's a replacement of electrolytes. It's a concentration.

SPEAKER_01

I've not so pre-made hydration drinks, right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

It's a tough one because I mean it's not. Whatever. I kind of want the fool.

SPEAKER_05

I do like the look of the bottle.

SPEAKER_02

Ready?

SPEAKER_04

Three. It's designed well.

SPEAKER_02

I like the marketing's good. You got a five?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, we're matching their five.

SPEAKER_05

Wow, it's higher.

SPEAKER_04

It's not better than Gatorade or Power8 or heat. It's not better than literally anything. I'd rather drink Pediolite if I won electrolytes.

SPEAKER_02

Now we're talking, Joe. You ever read a Pediolite? I have. They just take like, dude, when I played for the Browns, you go in, they had a they had a fridge full of Pediolite. And like I'd never experienced Pediolite before that, but I heard about it, right? We were other teams I was on didn't you have to be like the brand has to be a part of whatever. Alex Mack was their starting student. Remember him? He was a stud. Yeah, I remember. And I was like, he's pretty good. I want to be good. I'm gonna drink these. They taste like terrible. They're awful. Oh yeah. But you know you're getting like all of those benefits of everything going in. So you I drink one a day when I was playing for the Browns, and then lo and behold, you have children. You start getting like the knockoff brands and cleaner shit. But it tells you while you're drinking it, I'm getting some good shit in my body. This is like I said, it's like the essence of a Pediolite. Branding's great, marketing's great. I mean, Alex Cooper does a great job with everything she does as a brand. Not to knock it, but like I'm just not a fan of the context.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, like I said, it I've had way worse. I wouldn't drink it again. Way worse. But it's not that I gave it a five. If I had to go, if that was the only hydration drink I had to drink, I would drink it.

SPEAKER_02

I gave it a five because if it's on the shelf, it's another brand where I'm like, I'm supporting the creator business over Pepsi.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah, I'd agree there. The nutrition facts are pretty nice. There's only four grams of sugar.

SPEAKER_02

It's a solid product. Like I said though, I want if I'm drinking a hydration drink, I don't know. I want the 180 calorie, full-blown Gatorade. Just give me all the stuff. Don't try to fake it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I do love me some Gatorade.

SPEAKER_05

See, I think that's my issue with it. Like Pediolite, like we drink those in college, Depre game. It's like easy. Deprey It's like either give me the Pediolite where it's like I'm just gonna have to close my eyes, throw it back, or give me something that's easy to drink. Gatorade's awful because it's like in the middle. It's like you're not getting all the benefits of the Pediolite. There's way more sugar.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Gatorade is like, dude, I would drink Gatorade over like 97% of other things.

SPEAKER_05

It's just a lot of calories. The only Gatorade I like is that new stuff they came out with that has like has like barely any sugar.

SPEAKER_04

I saw that shit on the shelf.

SPEAKER_05

Do you know why it's good? Because it tastes like it's been cut with water. It tastes like it's like cut.

SPEAKER_04

It's a new one. It's less sugar, so it's not zero sugar.

SPEAKER_02

I just want to paint a picture here. This man prefers a bud heavy over a bud light, right? An unfiltered cigarette over a filtered. He still doesn't smoke. But he prefers everything else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Take it with a grain of salt, what he's saying, Kirk. I know.

SPEAKER_02

We can't trust his opinion. I drank so many cool blue Gatorades in college that my poop was permanently green.

SPEAKER_06

Let's get it under the next one.

SPEAKER_02

I thought I was Bart Simpson. You guys want to try feestibles? We can try the research. Oh, well, we gotta go straight into Prime if we're doing hydration. Oh,

Prime Flavors and Sports Drink Debates

SPEAKER_02

yeah. We've got the Primes here. So we got the red, white, and blue prime, right? Yeah, whichever one you want, take one.

SPEAKER_00

Cherry freeze.

SPEAKER_02

Freedom ice pop.

SPEAKER_04

Take the freedom. I'll take the blue.

SPEAKER_00

Berry freeze.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. So Prime's been around for a minute. We've tried it before, but the random flavors. We had that goofy flavor that you bought. That was like a wine.

SPEAKER_04

It's still sitting down there.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I like. Honestly, Prime gets a lot of shit. So like this, to me, I already know I'm gonna I like it more. Because it's more of a sports drink. I guess that's my thing with these hydration drinks. Because they're like coming into the sports drink market, but they're not sports drinks. You know what I'm saying? That is phenomenal. Yeah. I mean, I'm a fan. I love it. They sent me a bunch of packets. A bunch of packets of these, killed them, crushed them. 15 calories in this bastard? 25 in that.

SPEAKER_05

You ladies and gentlemen, just when you thought Gatorade couldn't get even worse, we bring you prime.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know, Sam.

SPEAKER_04

You're still drinking it. I'm trying to give it a fair shake. Sam's also biased towards this drink of disliking it. A lot of bias with you two today.

SPEAKER_02

You showed your bias without showing it real quick there last time, buddy. When? I'm gonna make my comment about Alex Cooper. You're using the word whore just casually like.

SPEAKER_01

I just don't think you can describe her without a beating asked about fucking D is not great. Like, that's not an appropriate. That's not an appropriate podcast. That's her butt brand. Like, what do you want me to do? I can do it. We can choose the words a little bit better.

SPEAKER_02

It's a fact. Like a mother sitting here like it's a word. What'd you do? An author. Guys, we're listening.

SPEAKER_04

Like this product is pretty phenomenal. I don't want to get canceled, dude. Cut this chip.

SPEAKER_02

I just don't want my daughters listening to Alex Cooper. Alice Cooper does Alice Cooper.

SPEAKER_04

No, Alice Cooper. Bite the head off a bat. Uh Tom, please cut a little bit of this up, please. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05

Disregard his orders, Tom. I'll cut it out.

SPEAKER_02

Voted two to one. Alright, so I guess I gotta keep a PC here. We gotta rank this prime. Personally. I like it. I haven't really had a flavor I didn't like, but a lot of people don't like it. Has this like kind of like tangy there's some coconut water in there, which I think people don't like a lot. An aftertaste. I was around in the early days of Zika when I was in the NFL. Oh wow. So like they were getting coconut water for hydration into a lot of locker rooms. Um that stuff tasted terrible, but it was another one of those things where I was like, give me the health benefits. I'm trading taste for health benefits all day long. Also, diuretic.

SPEAKER_05

I wonder, does it even do anything though when it's 10% coconut water? It makes me wonder, are they just putting that on there just to say there's coconut water in here, but I mean 10% of probably so they want there's more than 0% coconut water marketing. There's 1.2 ounces of coconut water in here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's like well one point think about things in 1.2 ounces, right? Shot of Everclear 1.2 ounces. Well, that's different. That you're gonna cross it. Have a good old time. But 1.2 ounces of a Budweiser, not really doing it for you. I mean, it'll it'll quit it'll quell the shakes, but otherwise. But if you would put that into, let's say, your breakfast shake when you're hungover, it might have some effects, right? I mean, maybe. Hair of the dog, right?

SPEAKER_04

You guys ready to rank this?

SPEAKER_02

Coconut water might be the hair of the dog.

SPEAKER_04

I think it's fair. What's your rating, Polo?

SPEAKER_02

Three, two, one!

SPEAKER_05

Four, five. Eight.

SPEAKER_01

Four, five.

SPEAKER_02

What? He's not an athlete, Joe. He doesn't like sports drinks.

SPEAKER_05

Well, the see, I think the thing is I don't even like Gatorade that much. And this is like an off-brand Gatorade.

SPEAKER_02

I think it's the flavors. Try this. He just doesn't left-handed. I do like try that one.

SPEAKER_05

I want to see a short of him just missing that again in the game. That one's, I'm sorry. I I I promise you, I'm not even trying to be difficult. This one's even worse, though. Try the ice pop. I know I'm not gonna like that. That one's even more sweet, probably. He doesn't like sweet stuff.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe if they had a coconut cream. Not even that sweet.

SPEAKER_04

What if they had coconut cream pop? He doesn't like sweet stuff, but he I guess he likes to cut his Gatorade.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, yeah, that's way too Maybe if it was cut with some water. Maybe. Like even I don't know. Even like you're super exerted, you're like all sweaty, you knock back like a Gatorade. I always have to chase it with a water or something afterwards. It doesn't like quench your thirst. And I also wasn't it the original thirst quencher. Yes. That's just their slogan.

SPEAKER_02

That doesn't mean it's actually quenching your thirst. I personally like prime, all the Paul Brothers stuff aside. I think I like I've always I've liked the product since it came out.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, 7.5 for me. I think it's a it's a good hydration drink. If I'm going into a store and they don't have Gatorade or Power Raid, I'll get Prime.

SPEAKER_02

I think it's actually I do think I prefer Power Rade. Power raids on real down high.

SPEAKER_04

I like I like certain color power raids, like certain flavors they have.

SPEAKER_02

I'm such a traditional, I'm like an old person, right? Like I only get the traditional flavors.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'll maybe step outside for like the white Gatorade, the ice or the blue. But I'm not or I'm not going to like the neon green, like, you know, lightning bottled surge like look nuclear.

SPEAKER_04

See, Powerade used to have this green flavor. It was watermelon. It used to just slap. I mean, it was incredible.

SPEAKER_02

We've talked about this and I don't know if it was on the show, but definitely wasn't on this show. You guys haven't had All Sport, have you?

unknown

No. No.

SPEAKER_02

I think it was before our time. Busy AllSport. That was back in the what, the 70s they had that? 70s. Don't you knock the 70s.

SPEAKER_04

No, I'm asking, wasn't that big as a 70s?

SPEAKER_02

Sam's favorite band came out then. Yeah. Rush. The band. Rush from the 80s. I think they were made popular in the 80s.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But no, obviously, you know, we're talking about your favorite band, the Beatles.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, they were from the 60s.

SPEAKER_02

Well, they were for everyone, they were, you know, 30s, 40s, 50s, 50s. Oh, you like the Beatles?

SPEAKER_05

I was listening to uh just the Beatles Essentials yesterday while I was driving, and I did think of you. I was like, John couldn't be more wrong when he's like such an overrated band was just a hit after hit. No, it's not that good. Then it's separated into the individual artists. I'm like, oh, George Harrison, like 10 hits on his own.

SPEAKER_02

I'm taking George Harrison and Paul McCartney individually over the band all day. I mean, honestly, I could live with that. I could that's a decent take. Like I just the Beatles just didn't. I don't think. Oh, we won't get into this. Like Led Zeppelin all day over the Beatles. That's all I'm saying. 100% every time. No hand, no questions. Anyway. The 70s were good, Joe. All sport. It was fizzy. You used to have to get it from uh a vending machine or from the um concession stand. So like when I was playing Little League Baseball, you'd have to take a dollar from your mom and run over to the concession stand between games and then buy it off of them. It was fizzy, it had no business being fizzy. Um, it tasted deplorable, but it got the job done, and I miss it. R.I.P. all sports. Bring it back. R.I.P. So can you put those bottles in the case? Oh, yeah. We've only got a couple things left. We got protein, we got chocolate milk, we got salt, some candy over and some charm and some chocolates. Let's

Feastables Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cups

SPEAKER_02

we're gonna let pull it take the reins here. Why don't you guide us into the promised land? Sure. What do you want to do first? Let's try the chocolates. This guy.

SPEAKER_05

You gotta grab both. We gotta do both. Are these full-size bars in here? Whoa. I've actually heard good things about these chocolate bars. I have one of these? Yes. When? We've had a bar. We bought them.

SPEAKER_04

We did the folding cabinet video. Oh yeah. We bought all those YouTuber Tetrick products.

SPEAKER_05

So long ago, I don't remember. Oh yeah, here.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, take them all out.

SPEAKER_05

All of them? I haven't had these peanut butter.

SPEAKER_04

Or at least one for John and me. Took one out of the cup.

SPEAKER_05

I thought we all could have just taken a break off. We haven't had these peanut butter cups.

SPEAKER_02

Do you guys want to do the regular chocolate cups? Let's just do the regular chocolate. We've got the milk chocolate feestival. Um what are we looking at here? 200 calculus cows for the whole bar. Personally, not just like a big raw chocolate guy. Okay. I am. He like low-key loves his sweets.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I think you do.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I don't even know what to compare to.

SPEAKER_05

Wow. I don't know about that. I don't know if it's because I just drank all that uh prime.

SPEAKER_02

I can't like taste it that much. There's no moment in my adult life where I want just a chocolate bar. I want the other stuff with it. Like I'm much more looking forward to these. So there has to be some sort of filling in it. Yeah. It's creamy, I think. It's got good chocolate flavor. It's not over overwhelming. I'm like kind of like a like an old man though. Like I think I prefer the darker chocolates as I get older. It's kind of tastes like a dove chocolate.

SPEAKER_04

Like a dove milk chocolate. That's not bad. It's a lot different than Hershey's, but it's good in its own right.

SPEAKER_02

So I I I wonder the tests that you see out there nowadays with the chocolate stuff is wild. People being able to like light it on fire and it doesn't melt. It's crazy. Like her, I guess Hershey's and Nestle use some like ingredient that's like not actually chocolate. Like a chocolate byproduct. I don't know, Jim. Feastables and ads are always bashing it. Alright, let's rank the bar and then we'll do the cup. Have you think, Joe?

SPEAKER_04

Oh, what I rate at.

SPEAKER_02

Oh man. Have you guys tried the um what's that chocolate with the pistachio in it? Oh the uh Dubai chocolate.

SPEAKER_05

I haven't tried it. Kristen really liked it. Alright, you ready?

SPEAKER_04

Two, one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I got eight. I just don't know enough about raw dog chocolate.

SPEAKER_04

So I think my you have to know context to like I think what Jimmy's been doing. I've watched a lot of videos on like they are paying fair wages. They pay way more money to keep like fair wages and make sure kids aren't working on their bars out of half a fan of that their cocoa beans.

SPEAKER_02

That's why I gave it a five, because it was like I'm buying it over the other brands. If I'm buying, I'm not, I'm just not gonna buy like a chocolate bar.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, their ingredient list is very small compared to other brands. I mean it's super cool. I think it's like seven ingredients sugar, whole milk powder, cocoa butter, unsweetened chocolate, soy, natural vanilla extract.

SPEAKER_02

So onto the peanut butter. This is where the money's made.

SPEAKER_05

I meant this is their Reese's comp. This is gonna be impressive. I like this. I love a Reese's comp.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. It might be disappointing.

SPEAKER_05

Love a Reese's. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Whoa.

SPEAKER_00

Whoa is right.

SPEAKER_04

That's creamy as all hell.

SPEAKER_05

I think that's a little too much peanut flavor.

SPEAKER_04

Wait, a little too much cream.

SPEAKER_05

No such thing. I don't know about this one, Jimmy. That's pretty amazing. Maybe I've been a little too close to the sun with this one, Jimmy.

SPEAKER_02

That might be better than a racist. It contains milk, soy peanuts. It may contain tree nuts, wheat, eggs, and sesame. Probably made in the same manufacturing facility as it's sesame down on the label.

SPEAKER_05

I don't I don't like the texture of it. I don't like that it's like almost kind of borderline liquidy in the center. You like the gritty. Yeah, I want like a like an actual like thick paste. The flavor's good though. It tastes really good. It's strictly just a texture thing. I don't I don't disagree with that. You wait, so are you a chunkier or creamy peanut butter guy? Well, when it's just peanut. When it's just peanut butter, I want it creamy. But if it's in something that's chocolate, I want it. This man can't make up his mind. Just say also only get gif peanut butter. Gif peanut butter. You don't want to mess with that peter pan. I swear.

SPEAKER_02

Well, obviously, no peanut pan, no skippy, gif only.

SPEAKER_05

But if you're gonna like natural peanut butter is so much better than a well, probably, but if you gotta know the old peanut butter man.

SPEAKER_04

How much sugar they put in gif?

SPEAKER_05

And I mean, get the gif naturals. It's not that bad. Much oil they put in it? It's not seed oil in the gif naturals.

SPEAKER_04

You believe them?

SPEAKER_05

Huh? You believe them. Absolutely. Not peanuts on the label.

SPEAKER_04

They have the good food scientists you were talking about working down there.

SPEAKER_02

Peanut butter should just be peanuts and salt.

SPEAKER_04

You guys ready?

SPEAKER_02

A little oil never hurt nobody.

SPEAKER_04

Three, two, one. Eight, one.

SPEAKER_02

Eight four six five. Yeah, that I thoroughly enjoy. Great peanut butter flavor. I do like the creamy texture. I I still really like Reese's. Um, but like I that blew me away. It tasted so much cleaner, so much fresher, it tasted like homemade.

SPEAKER_04

I didn't think I would. The first bite, I was unsure of the creaminess because I'm so used to a Reese's that's just firm. But like the second bite, I was like, wow, this is so much better.

SPEAKER_02

So have you guys ever had Cerice? Ceres is like a local chocolate juggernaut in Pittsburgh. Okay, so this to me is like the the next level above a Ceres. So you have almost like the chalkiness of a Reese's, then there's a little bit of creaminess and a Ceres, and then this is like actually like dripping creamy. But the flavor of the Ceres blows the Reese's out of the water. These are I feel like if I was getting like a mom and pa homemade cup, peanut butter cup, this is what it would taste like.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And that's what did it for me. That's what that's what my highest, I think it's my highest rating of the day.

SPEAKER_04

How can you like you see what my point with the Jack Links earlier now? How can you put out great products like that and you just put your name on Jack Links?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, he needs everybody $12 million per video. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_04

I'm sure the amount of money changes. I'm sure I would also be okay with that.

SPEAKER_02

Oh see though, I wouldn't put it past Jimmy to like have eaten 2,000 different pre-processed sticks of freaking protein.

SPEAKER_04

And got to that one.

SPEAKER_02

And then that was the one that he thought was the closest and liked and was the best representation of the brand. Like that dude puts in the work. We can't knock that. Yeah. Um, I think we just all prefer like a little bit more closer to like the homemade taste of a facts. Of a link. Alright.

Osmo Salt Taste and Price Talk

SPEAKER_02

Well, let's uh cleanse the palate before we get into the chocolate milk with a little bit of um Nick D. Giovanni's Osmo salt. We're just gonna take spoonfuls of it. What do you think?

SPEAKER_05

I actually some from time to time I do like a little bit of finishing salt and just eat it raw.

SPEAKER_02

So I put salt, I put finishing salt literally in my water every morning.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, they say you put a little little bit in there. Yeah. This isn't super flaky. This almost looks like sea salt.

SPEAKER_02

It's good salt. Oh yeah, there's just a season throw crystals of salt in Joe's mouth. Close. They're all different sizes. I think he has a good thing you have some chopshades on. I got one. You good? It's good. Honestly, I think uh I think Nick's a whole brand take on the salt world. I don't even know if we have to rank that into salt. Yeah, I'm sorry. And we got the plain one. 9.3. It's okay, salt. It's expensive salt. It's expensive salt. How much was this? I think it was like 15 bucks. 15 bucks. Kid's making money. Kid is making money. He's like a he's like a savant. I think these are different chocolate milks. Yeah, so we've got, all right. And last

Protein Chocolate Milk That Divides

SPEAKER_02

up, we've got protein. You guys know where I stand on that. 410 calories for this Mr. Beast Feastables protein fortified whole milk. Um, I'm staying away from this 100% of the time, personally, so I'm already out. It's considerably too many calories, and that has way too much in it. I don't know what this is like almost a meal replacement, Joe. Remember those back in the day?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We used to have my the doctor used to have Jeffrey drink them, if you can imagine, when he was a kid, because he was like tiny. Like insurers? Yeah, an insure. That's kind of what this reminds me of. What did they do?

SPEAKER_04

23 grams of protein. Which isn't a lot for a protein stuff. So what are these? I don't know. Is this the same exact thing? Just smaller bottles. What are they doing to the milk to keep it stable, warm temperature?

SPEAKER_02

I thought they were different. Well, whoopsies. Okay, they're not they're the same. Thank goodness I don't have to drink both. I didn't have to read. Yeah, 410 calories were only 23 grams of protein. I feel like the play on this is them trying to trick kids into getting more protein. That's all. Because you don't have that high of a protein content in chocolate milk.

SPEAKER_04

Are you guys doing the box or the actual bottle? I guess the box.

SPEAKER_02

I'll do a box, you do the bottle, and we'll swap. Alright. See if the flavor is any different.

SPEAKER_04

That's what I that's what I'm curious of.

SPEAKER_02

Um, and so you'll see a lot of like myth and aura around the idea that like chocolate milk is the best um best thing to drink like post-workout.

SPEAKER_04

How do you feel about them not refrigerating this and it just sits on the clock?

SPEAKER_02

That's what I was thinking. I don't like it at all. Isn't that weird to you?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. There was no snap ring on this either. The cap just spun right off. Well, here we go. It's very cocoa-y, it's not that bad. That 100% tastes like an insure sort of meal replacement.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, yeah, it's definitely got meal replacement vibes. Not as heavy on the metal taste. I mean, how those have a lot of metal taste usually.

SPEAKER_04

Tastes like someone like pouring like actual cocoa powder into milk and mixing it.

SPEAKER_02

Milk? Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04

Sorry, I'm congestion, John. Apologies.

SPEAKER_02

I like it. I wanted to own it. I wanted to own to be a milk guy. I say color. We get torn in the comments on color. Pumpkin. Punkin. Yeah, I got it. The box definitely tastes different. The box tastes different.

SPEAKER_04

Maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist. I think it tastes a little different.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, the box definitely tastes chalkier.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

See, like box is worse. Like, there's protein shakes that taste so much better than that. There's no point in this existing, in my opinion. I don't know what what they're trying to go for with it.

SPEAKER_05

I think they're trying to trick kids to get more protein. Nesquick, they make bottles like this. It's like the same exact like, oh, it's chocolate milk, like 20 grams of protein. I feel like it's like their version of that.

SPEAKER_02

Anybody else have a weird aftertaste on the back of their teeth?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's kind of hanging there. My mouth tastes dry. And I just drink liquid. It tastes like there's old milk just hanging out in my mouth.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that sucks. That aftertaste is not something I want. You guys ready?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Three, two, one, three. Three? Where are you at? 2.4.

SPEAKER_05

I didn't think it was that bad. I thought we were all like, oh, it's not like the best.

SPEAKER_02

There's just no, like, it didn't taste terrible, but like there's just I feel like the thing, the difference and the reason that you probably rate it higher. Like, Joe and I have had so many protein shakes. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, you take that over like a whey protein shake.

SPEAKER_05

I'm taking a whey protein shake over the shake. Protein shake over that. I mean, I mean from a taste perspective. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you can make them, you can put fruit in it, you do whatever you want to it. Dude, I'm taking water with that first form chocolate milkshake right there. Tastes so much better than that. Well, I'm not saying not because we're sponsored by them.

SPEAKER_04

It's more milk that sits on a shelf. Right? It's gross. That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_05

It's like it might be maybe it's like condensed milk. You know how they keep that stuff in the can on the shelf. Get yourself a can of milk, son. Strengthen you up. First step to get in shape, go to your local Kroger, get a can of milk.

SPEAKER_02

Why would that's the worst. We don't even have Kroger one. Come on now. Two. Can of milk? Can of milk. You are losing your damn mind.

SPEAKER_05

Can of can of bread, can of milk.

SPEAKER_02

Weather's getting warmer. Our bills using more chemicals are getting more higher. Sam's losing his damn mind. He's wearing a sweatshirt. It's July almost. It's 60 degrees this morning.

SPEAKER_04

Overall, that's the last of our products.

Favorites Hot Ones Tease and Voicemail CTA

SPEAKER_04

What was each of your favorites?

SPEAKER_05

Definitely the joyride, 100%. The joyride was so good. I I hope that more YouTubers and other people keep doing this stuff with candy because I really am not like a huge, huge sweets guy. So like I kind of like the knockdown flavors of that uh that stuff. And it's also it's also nice that it's like lower in sugar and stuff where you just gas the whole bag. That was 100% like the most favorite.

SPEAKER_02

I want you to gas that whole bag and then we'll film tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05

I don't come out, Sam.

SPEAKER_02

It's so bad.

SPEAKER_05

Just give me the sweet torts. It's so bad.

SPEAKER_02

Golf powered by poop. What do you got? What's your favorite?

SPEAKER_04

I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to go. It was those, actually a lot. It's the joy watermelon joy rides. That or the these Reese cups were elite.

SPEAKER_02

The cups are my favorite. You know, I'm I'm not a huge uh like super sugary gummy guy. I want the I want the basics. Like if he had just a straight up fruit snack, I'd probably lean more towards the the joyride. Um, but the rope and the I'm just not into those. This, I really I thought they were bombed.

SPEAKER_04

Now, before we wrap this, I do have one last surprise, John. You're not gonna like it, but I will give context to it. Is that protein? I don't even know what this is. What is this?

SPEAKER_02

Spaghetti. Did we have any pasta? Oh, get the F out of here. Where did that come from?

SPEAKER_04

We just ordered the newest season uh 30 of Hot Ones. And they released hot, they released bar released barbecue sauces.

SPEAKER_02

That actually kind of has me a little bit pumped.

SPEAKER_04

So I say we leave it up to the people if they would like a full episode of us doing the hot ones challenge.

SPEAKER_02

We're gonna test these in the bunker, the barbecue sauces. Barbecue sauces? I'm in for a hot one. We haven't done a hot ones challenge in about eight months.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I honestly I don't mind that we've done worse food challenges. I don't mind the hot ones as much. Would you say the White Castle was worse? The worst thing I ever ate was that Sir Scrumming. It was the worst thing I ever ate. Sir Strumming was terrible.

SPEAKER_04

However, they released a new flavor.

SPEAKER_02

I will say, if you guys didn't know, Sam, we ate, we both ate the Sir Strumming. That was horrible. That was fun. Sam ate all the cat food though and did not let me eat the cat food. And he said the Sir Strumming was worse than cat food.

SPEAKER_04

It's so bad. This is the last ab Thermageddon. They haven't even released the Scovel unit on it. Thermageddon? Yeah. It says What a name. It says TBA, like to be announced for like the the actual hotness of it.

SPEAKER_05

What if they put the bottle into production and sold it before they get a scovel rating? Probably. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

But unbelievable. We're gonna be trying these barbecue sauces in the bunker this week and then we'll uh I dig it.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. Potentially do an episode if they want to see it. Joe with the curveball, I dig it. I like it. I'm I'm excited to try those hot sauces. It's or the barbecue sauces, barbecue season, baby. Yeah, it is. Get the smokers out. Let's go. I'm all in. So appreciate Jins, guys, for tuning in this week, checking out this episode. Uh don't forget if you got any suggestions or any products that we miss that you'd love to see us give our thoughts and opinions on, give us a call. We got a number for you here on screen and in the description. Leave us a voicemail. Appreciate Jins. See you on the next one.